Read this. And this. And this. Follow the links they provide you with. Then steel yourselves. I know I have.

Heh heh! The same thing happened to me about nine years ago. Only I got lucky. ‘Cause I’m a freakin’ stud, is why.By the way, if you’re reading this, honey, I’m only kidding. I didn’t get laid. Her name was Shelly, and she only gave me a hummer…

“Los Angeles — A man who put a curse on Livermore’s sewer system says he’ll remove it if the city apologizes,” L.A.’s NBC News 4 reports. “Adam Fortunate Eagle Nordwall claims to have placed a curse on the city in the early 1970s because officials allegedly mistreated a totem pole he gave Livermore as a gift.” When crews installed the 20-foot totem pole, they cut several feet off the bottom

“A Mississauga [Ontario] soccer coach has been charged with assaulting a 12-year-old girl playing for the opposing team in a weekend soccer match.” “Halton Police arrested 39-year-old Frank Pesce, of Spangler Dr., earlier this week after the bizarre incident, which occurred on a Milton soccer field during a game between two Mississauga under-12 squads Saturday afternoon. Pesce is the coach of the North Mississauga Soccer Club Panthers.” “Police and parents

Is suburban “sprawl” the vast aesthetic plague environmentalists and (Humbert Humbert) claim it to be? Is America’s diminishing wilderness being overrun by tacky stripmalls and single story ranch homes with American flags displayed on their porch fronts and plastic flamingos dotting their little manicured lawns? Well, not according to the latest federal data on land development — or at least, not as it’s being analyzed and reported on by Ronald

“A woman whose debit card was stolen found herself in profit when she checked her bank balance — because the thief had used it to bet on the horses and his winnings were paid directly into her account.” “Jacqueline Boanson was described in court yesterday as ‘the happiest victim of theft ever’. Magistrates at Cheltenham were told that after her card was stolen she looked at her bank statement, and