Scots’ alcohol habits cause alarm Many young Scots regularly wake up unable to remember how much they drank the night before, a survey has claimed. The Scottish Executive poll of 1,000 Scots found 55% of 18 to 24-year-olds fell into this category compared with 27% of all adults questioned. Almost a third of the respondents said they have chosen to drink when they did not want to rather than decline.

I was hanging out with the armadillo last weekend, just sitting around the house and having a few, you know?  Like six or seven.  Doubles.  Anyway, about halfway through I lost what little manners I have and started prying.  I wanted to know what he’d been doing since the last time I saw him. The conversation went something like this:

5: It gets you really high. 4: That little mishap with the electric carving knife?  Only a flesh wound. 3: You wake up at 2:30 a.m. to see a zebra at the foot of your bed staring at you…and you feel just fine about it and go back to sleep. 2: You wake up at 4:30 a.m. and go to the kitchen for a drink of water, stand in the

And now for today’s Dumbass News.  I guess we should start with the obvious one: “Is that a guitar in your pants, or are you just glad to see me?” Gives new meaning to the term “cock rock.” “Hey baby, grab my whammy bar.” “Oh, Morgan!  When you said you’d electrify me, I had no idea!” Anyone else? Update: I forgot to thank Gail at Scribal Terror for the hat

on the need for more participation in security. Peace can never be taken for granted, and the first responsibility of any government is security. That is why France wishes to contribute to a political structuring of the world that averts perils. It wishes to help in the exercise of shared responsibility within the framework of strong, legitimate and accepted international institutions, particularly through reforms of the UN and the security

what to get for Jeff this year, these remind me of him, somehow.  I don’t know why.

A reader sends me simple instructions on how to hack your Darth Vader Vo-Changer Helmet to make your voice sound exactly like Charles Rangel.  I’ll let you know how it turns out. Of course, you could always just smoke a couple packs of cigs while downing a bottle of Jack Daniels and screeching out old AC/DC songs. “Once upon a time there were were three beautiful girls who went to

Sectarian violence at Wuzzadem seems to be on the upswing.  Whole areas of the comments section appear to be on the edge of igniting into an INTARWEB-WIDE conflafuggingration: The fact that you list all that and have a “mission accomplished” banner image is funnier than you’ll ever know. So Sparky, if sectarian forces killing each other in the same country isn’t a civil war what is it then? Posted by:

“The 1,000-Year Reich” and “The Permanent Majority” were both unavailable for comment. “Rock and Roll Is Here To Stay”

Claudia Rosett points us toward this article in the London Times listing the top five theories regarding who killed Litvenenko, and why. My personal feeling is that it was probably Pat Buchanan and Dan Brown.  Either that, or some idiot was using polonium-210 to cut some cocaine.