*****Now Officially a “Flap”*****
When Perugina, the Italian chocolate company that invented “baci,” chocolate kisses, expanded its repertoire to include chocolate vaginas (“peruvagine”), feminist outrage was swift and sure. “It’s an insult to women,” said Amanda Marcotte of the website Pandagon. “It represents an idealized image of the female sex organs, including a highly visible clitoris. In point of fact, most men cannot find that article without guidance.”
NOW was quick to call for a boycott of Perugina. “Women are responsible for the bulk of chocolate sales the world over,” said spokesperson Nancy Boyer. “Scientists have shown that the chemicals in chocolate mimic the brain chemicals that women would derive from sex if men knew how to perform it properly.”
Perugina spokesmen were unavailable for comment.
I am certain that Pandagon, Feministe and similarly oriented blogs will deplore this in the strongest possible terms.
UPDATE: Feministe and Pandagon miss the essential point about the Chocolate Jesus furor. It’s NOT that the sculpture is anatomically correct; it’s that it’s made of dark chocolate. Morons.
UPDATE x2: Anyone thinking that real feminists would be outraged at the idea of chocolate vaginas might want to check this out.
Comment by Pablo on 3/31 @ 4:41 pm #
No wonder she’s so cranky. But then, when your
bitchBoyfriend calls itself “punkass marc”, what can you reasonably expect? Competence? I think not.Comment by Swen Swenson on 3/31 @ 6:52 pm #
Q: What would Rosie serve with chocolate vaginas?
A: Ladyfingers..
[Rimshot! Thud! Sound of body being dragged off-stage.]
Comment by Abraxas on 3/31 @ 7:23 pm #
Q: How do you find the clitoris?
A: Who cares?
Comment by alppuccino on 3/31 @ 8:07 pm #
The clitoris? Is that the useless flap of skin that sits just above the vagina?
……oh wait. That’s the woman.
Comment by cynn on 3/31 @ 9:14 pm #
Looks like the intellectuals have taken a few days off, and the Cro-Magnons are holding forth. Nice. What, no tickets to the monster truck rally?
Comment by Abraxas on 3/31 @ 9:24 pm #
Nah, I have tickets to see “The Vagina Monologues” tonight.
You know, the show where women relate their world experience through their genitalia.
Kind of like you’re doing now.
Comment by cynn on 3/31 @ 9:44 pm #
Yeah, I believe you. But I applaud your ability to simultaneously know my gender, get a dig in against women, and generally act like an asshole. Well done; you should go to the nearest bar immediately because you might score, if you play any ZZTop song on the jukebox. A sure winner. Did you understand that message OK, or do I need to paint it in a cave somewhere?
Comment by Pablo on 3/31 @ 10:12 pm #
Likewise, I’m sure. Ain’t equality grand?
Comment by cynn on 3/31 @ 10:31 pm #
You are treading on perilous ground here, my friend. Do you really want to go there. “Equality” is fungible and can be repurposed into a weapon, and there are those out there who are well-prepared to deploy it.
I simply wanted to call out questionable posting in a good-natured way, but it seems I’ve hit a nerve. If you feel totally secure, more power to you.
Comment by Pablo on 3/31 @ 10:39 pm #
I’ve seen that done, and I’m not impressed.
So when you do it, it’s lighthearted fun. When it comes back to you, it’s something more nefarious. As I said, not impressive. Or becoming. Lighten up.
Indeed.â„¢
Comment by cynn on 3/31 @ 11:24 pm #
Well, you know all there is to know. You put me back in my slot, thanks. Proceed with the cunt jokes.
Comment by alphie on 4/1 @ 4:48 am #
A joke does seem to be an odd way to downplay yet another Christianist assault on an artist who dared to depict their supernatural leader in a humorous way.
Death threats this time around.
Isn’t that special.
Guess we can put the moral relativism away now and just use good ol’ fashion moral absolutism when comparing the behavior of Christian and Muslim extremists.
Comment by Paul Moore on 4/1 @ 5:08 am #
When did eating chocolate become a political act? Would we be having this conversation if the candy were phallic? Would women be refusing to eat it, or only seriously homophobic men?
Homer Simpson would resolve all these questions without soul searching or moral ambiguity.
MMMMMMM! CHOOOOCLATE!
Comment by Pablo on 4/1 @ 5:14 am #
Yeah, death threats. Always with the death threats. Marcotte gets death threats. Karel Charles Bouley gets death threats. Why don’t we ever hear them?
Hold on, I’ve got a death threat coming in on the other line. Trust me.
Comment by Paul Zrimsek on 4/1 @ 5:59 am #
What the fuck is with you, cynn? I’ve seen statues of Jeb Stuart that spend less time on a high horse than you do.
Comment by BJTexs on 4/1 @ 6:00 am #
I’m sure Action Chimp© will be proclaiming his “moral relativism” when the Christian Godbags start rioting all over the world due to the Chocolate Jesus.
Any minute now…
Also, I celebrate the chimp’s ability to build the moral relavance over a few “death threat” phone calls as opposed to a vast body of vile reactions by muslims to free speech presentations worldwide. Every religion, after all, is only as holy as its single, worse, self proclaimed adherant. Therefore, moral relativism.
Do you ever get tired of making idiot arguments or is the consistant moronity a source of great personal pleasure?
To each his own…
BTW: For the knucklehead at Kos who bleated that this is different because Islam forbids depictions of Muhammed…
<loud buzzer>
Most Muslims do not hold to this (mostly Wahabbi) restriction, hence the hundreds of depictions of the prophet displayed around the world, including the Supreme Court Building.
Comment by klrfz1 on 4/1 @ 6:09 am #
I like ZZ Top. Here’s a couple of pictures of Dusty Hill’s wedding back in 02. Married “Chuck” he did.
You have to admit that “Did you understand that message OK, or do I need to paint it in a cave somewhere?” is seriously funny. Good one, cynn.
I bet Perugina’s sales go up like a rocket.
Comment by Pablo on 4/1 @ 6:19 am #
BJ,
Then there’s the fact that Jesus is a prophet according to Islam and images of Him would also be prohibited.
Comment by J. Peden on 4/1 @ 8:02 am #
Try shoving it, you little prick. All you ever do is preside over a period.
Comment by thor on 4/1 @ 8:09 am #
I wonder why Pandagon’s tampon would fall on her foot over chocolate vaginas. Unless, that is, those chocolate vaginas are filled with gooey caramel and nuts. Maybe Amanda’s vagina snickers at metaphors.
Comment by Abraxas on 4/1 @ 8:20 am #
Q: How many feminists does it take to …
Cynn: THAT’S NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!1
Comment by Mikey NYH on 4/1 @ 8:26 am #
To cynn and a-bot:
“Lighten up, Francis.”
Comment by N. O'Brain on 4/1 @ 8:42 am #
Get back to me when the swarms of Christianist suicide bombers start blowing up Pizza Huts, ‘mkay, you booger eatin’ moron?
Comment by alppuccino on 4/1 @ 8:44 am #
Q: How do you fit 20 Mexicans into alphie’s cunt?
A: Tell them it’s going to Arizona.
Comment by furriskey on 4/1 @ 9:04 am #
I could swear there is something in the Ten Commandments about graven images, too.
My cunt joke is about the Filthiest Limerick in the World: It goes-
“La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la la la la
Cunt.”
Comment by marilyn adamson on 4/1 @ 9:13 am #
I think a chocolate Jesus raises the awareness that our culture has missed the point on Easter. On the first Easter, no one was looking for chocolate bunnies or chocolate Easter eggs…they were looking for Jesus’ body!
Before his crucifixion, Jesus said that three days later he would rise from the dead, as proof that he was the Son of God. He didn’t say he would reincarnate (who would know?). He said he would come back to life three days after his crucifixion. Pretty specific proof, and publicly stated, several times.
The Roman government even posted a guard of soldiers at the tomb to prevent it. Yet, three days later, the guards fled, the tomb was empty (except for Jesus’ burial cloths). Faith in Jesus completely hinges on the resurrection.
Here’s a great summary regarding Jesus’ disciples and their perspective, due to that first Easter: http://www.everystudent.com/wires/apostles.html
Comment by JHoward on 4/1 @ 9:27 am #
Well, then color me confused, Dan. Are Trish’s dues in arrears again?
I’m thinking that, being male, I should just cut the gals some slack until this whole thing blows over. I’m not up to the mental pressure of fully grasping the subtlety. Being male.
Hi cynn! Chocolate covered croissants ok? Sunday morning, you know.
Comment by Merovign on 4/1 @ 9:28 am #
Ooooh, a cynn humorlessnessousity meltdown and a grotesque abuse of dissimilarity by an equivocating moron – it MUST be a hot topic!
Well, I really don’t care about one of those, but as far as cynn is concerned – I’d offer to do something to help, but given the topic I don’t think that would be appropriate, or well-received.
Comment by Pablo on 4/1 @ 10:00 am #
Oh, it’s just a little good natured rage and a bit of light hearted threatening.
Of course, you wouldn’t understand, Neocon!
Comment by J. Peden on 4/1 @ 10:11 am #
Well I take it that cynn is now threatening to have a sex change, in order to achieve the “appropriate” weaponry.
Not that it could possibly help her dire inferiority complex.
Comment by alppuccino on 4/1 @ 11:02 am #
Hillary Clinton’s vagina walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Why the long face?”.
Comment by J. Peden on 4/1 @ 11:13 am #
Excuse me, but that confession rivals the classic statement of the postmodern mental state admitted as ~ “the audacious distortion of reality in order to achieve a higher truth”, likewise representing both a disturbed condition and a nefarious tactic – not to mention the pointed malignant intent.
Bejus! [Acidman - rip]
Comment by alppuccino on 4/1 @ 11:33 am #
“Knock-knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Nancy Pelosi’s beef-curtains”
..
–
..
“Nobody’s home.”
Comment by Sticky B on 4/1 @ 11:40 am #
Is Dusty Hill running for president or sump’n?
Comment by J. Peden on 4/1 @ 11:43 am #
Keep ‘em “coming”, alppuccino – cynn’s wish is your command, and she has even promised to give ratings. I can’t wait.
[So far, though, no reports on the performance of ice-creams.]
Comment by alphie on 4/1 @ 11:54 am #
Well,
Newton said god intended religion to be a personal thing. All organized churches were corrupt and simply operated for the profit and vanity of the people running them.
Just another test of faith for true believers.
Isaac Newton was a very smart man indeed.
Comment by otcconan on 4/1 @ 12:15 pm #
Like you would know anything about faith, alph, unless we’re talking about Global Warming.
I don’t go to Church to be seen by ANYONE. I go to see God. Get it? Didn’t think so, idiot.
Comment by Angie Schultz on 4/1 @ 12:15 pm #
Oh, there’s the hypocrisy. Thanks, Dan!
Comment by alphie on 4/1 @ 12:21 pm #
My dad let’s me drive the car in the drive and says I’m a good driver
who’s on first?
who
Comment by alphie on 4/1 @ 12:32 pm #
Beware of false alphies!
That you again, PMain?
otc,
When one of these Jimmy Swaggart clones stops harassing people, then asking for donations and comes up with something useful to humanity like Calculus, I’ll consider the possibility they aren’t just in the religion game for the money.
Until then, I’ll go with Isaac Newton’s opinion of them.
Comment by alphie on 4/1 @ 12:42 pm #
Another genius whose opinion I’ll go with is Summer School’s Mark Harmon
His sister not only was a Tic Tac girl but married John DeLorean, famous car maker
His other sister married Ricky Nelson and together they made the Nelson twins
Let’s see Jesus match that! Wish
Comment by alphie on 4/1 @ 12:56 pm #
The two greatest honors attainable on the internets:
1. Being called an idiot.
2. Someone posting under your name.
Thanks for making my day
Comment by everyone else on 4/1 @ 1:13 pm #
Well, it is April Fool’s and there is no bigger fool here than you, so enjoy “your†day.
Most of us are just happy to be able to present ideas or information to possibly millions and intelligently interact with others and learn, whereas you, it’s just enough to be called an idiot and mocked.
Comment by Karl on 4/1 @ 1:14 pm #
This is, btw, the very same alphie who made jokey references when a fellow troll expressed his wish to bash my skull into a hundred pieces.
Because of the… well, you know.
Comment by alphie on 4/1 @ 2:04 pm #
Sure I did, Karl.
Maybe you could link to the post?
As for people calling Isaac Newton an idiot, well, I’m sure he’d feel honored, too.
Comment by everyone else on 4/1 @ 2:20 pm #
So now you think you’re Newton?
Comment by Al Maviva on 4/1 @ 2:24 pm #
I don’t care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I got naked chocolate Jeezus…
TW: I figure39 more of these hybrid country & western songs/blasphemies should secure me a spot in hell, above Gleen but definitely below the 300 Spartans…
Comment by alphie on 4/1 @ 2:33 pm #
No, eo, I don’t think I’m Newton.
I was just sharing something of Newton’s I came across while researching a recent blog post of mine.
As an atheist, it has always been a mystery to me why the people who claim to be followers of Christ tend to be so violent, ignorant and intolerant.
Newton explained they’re not really true followers of Christ, they’re just meant to be a test of faith for true believers in Christ to overcome.
Where would we be without the wisdom of Isaac Newton?
Comment by everyone else on 4/1 @ 2:41 pm #
But no one here called him an idiot, we have just called you an idiot… something that you apparently take as a badge of honor on your special day.
Comment by everyone else on 4/1 @ 2:43 pm #
I couldn’t help but notice you didn’t contend Karl’s assertion that are are a troll
Comment by Pablo on 4/1 @ 2:55 pm #
Artist claims death threats received = All Christians are evil, like those militant fuckers in the Salvation Army.
You’re real piece of
workshit, alpo. And the Ghost of Mother Teresa wants you dead.Comment by PMain on 4/1 @ 3:09 pm #
Ironic that little “a” won’t apply the same sort of moral reasoning to islamists or the insurgents in Iraq that he’ll apply to a couple of supposed Christians’ responses or that he finds Christians to be the more threatening of the two to him. Yep, little “a” you truly are the fool in April Fools.
Comment by alphie on 4/1 @ 3:09 pm #
I didn’t say all Christians are phony, Pablo.
Just that people like Bill Donohue, James Dobson and our current president are so transparently so. Counterparts to the phony Christians of Newton’s days.
Mother Teresa and the Salvation Army are rather admirable in their sacrifices and good works, I think.
Comment by everyone else on 4/1 @ 3:14 pm #
Just not the man that proclaimed Jesus as his favorite philospher and that liberated over 50 million people.
Comment by Pablo on 4/1 @ 3:39 pm #
Well, then you can’t write to save your fucking life, alpo. You should give it up. Now.
Comment by alphie on 4/1 @ 3:42 pm #
Are you comparing the work of Mother Teresa to the accidental Iraq War, eo?
Seems like quite a stretch to me.
I think Jesus said be the best person you could be and leave the “liberating” to him.
Comment by daleyrocks on 4/1 @ 4:15 pm #
Newtons?
Why are we talking about Fig Newtons?
Oh yeah, the chocolate vaginas that cynn insists on calling cunts.
Somehow in alphie’s mind I guess figs = vaginas
Perhaps people should speak in code so as not to offend cynn – something along the lines of snatch, pooter, taco, etc.
Comment by B Moe on 4/1 @ 4:45 pm #
Where would we be without the wisdom of Mother Teresa?
Comment by alppuccino on 4/1 @ 4:57 pm #
……….so alphie rides up to the gallows with Diane Feinstein’s twat and his brother yells, “I SAID POSSE!!”
Comment by alppuccino on 4/1 @ 5:00 pm #
I must admit that a chocolate vagina didn’t make much sense to me either, so I decided to make an especially pungent cheese ball in the shape of a hair-pie out of tuna and bleu cheese. I added a huge olive with a pimento as our elusive clit.
Grab a cracker. Cheers.
Comment by Dan Collins on 4/1 @ 5:01 pm #
I wonder what I should do with these sprouts.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 4/1 @ 5:41 pm #
alpo, did you send away for a pair of the soul searchin’ X-ray specs, the ones they advertise in the back of comic books and men’s magazines?
Comment by furriskey on 4/1 @ 6:09 pm #
Are you trying to put your own words into other peoples’ mouths, alfi?
Comment by JHoward on 4/1 @ 6:37 pm #
Really. How so, aphoid? What’s Christianity all about anyway? I mean, to your gargantuan ego.
Comment by Robert Crawford on 4/1 @ 6:43 pm #
Leftards read minds by projecting their own thoughts onto others. Alpo’s a hypocrite, therefore, he believes everyone else is.
Comment by J. Peden on 4/1 @ 7:11 pm #
Well, he done got nothing else to put in anyone else’s mouth, I suspect. But the contagion still could be fungible or even bird-flu like, in the end – ‘in the end’, I say, where ever that happens to be in alph’s mysterious case, which seems to resemble that of the Stegosaurus at best, purely by accident.
[Hey, postmodernistic is the only way to go. You don’t even need any more high colonics.]
Comment by cynn on 4/1 @ 7:59 pm #
You’re right; I had an unseemly meltdown. Just caught off guard by the tenor of topics and comments. But evidently it’s Dan’s place now, so I either ride the ethos or go on my merry way. I really do not take offense very easily; I was just pointing out an odd anti-fem bent lately. But clearly, I have no standing; now that’s Dan Collins’ editorial choice.
Comment by B Moe on 4/1 @ 8:17 pm #
One persons odd anti-fem bent is anothers facetious humor.
Comment by cynn on 4/1 @ 8:23 pm #
Understood; just wish it could have been *ironicized* so it didn’t trigger the auto crotch kick.
Comment by J. Peden on 4/1 @ 8:23 pm #
Well that was also an unseemly unmitigated load of shit, cynn, just like you finally let go in the Marcotte case. I refrained from calling it on the spot at that time, but opps, you just did it again. But, not to despair: maybe you’ll get rich, in the end – yet you do have a lot of genuinely whacked out competition, in case you haven’t noticed. Are you perhaps vying for Faux Liberal Idol?
Comment by cynn on 4/1 @ 8:32 pm #
J. Peden: I have no idea what you’re alleging. Can someone help me out here? Who the hell does this guy think I am? I’m a two-bit nobody, just like all the other mopes here. Way to unload, dude.
Comment by cynn on 4/1 @ 8:37 pm #
whoa—am I outed as a feminist? And is there money in that? Count me in, baby!
Comment by alphie on 4/1 @ 8:42 pm #
Join the club, cynn.
These guys think I’m a “lefty” because I question their massive government spending projects.
There is lots of money in the lefty business these days provided you call yourself a Republican, too.
Comment by J. Peden on 4/1 @ 8:46 pm #
You have unloaded upon yourself, dudette. Take the opportunity to go look into the mirror. Consider it as though “It may be the last time”. [James Brown]
Comment by cynn on 4/1 @ 8:49 pm #
I am so there. Just let me know where that is.
Comment by J. Peden on 4/1 @ 8:52 pm #
There you have it, an alliance with alphie. What more could anyone want?
Comment by cynn on 4/1 @ 8:55 pm #
J. Pissant, you have gotten on my last nerve. Are you suggesting I kill myself? You’re sick and puny; ‘nuf said.
Comment by J. Peden on 4/1 @ 8:56 pm #
Try asking yourself. [I was waiting for that one.]
Comment by J. Peden on 4/1 @ 9:02 pm #
I tend to think it might be your only nerve/neuron. Treat it well. alphie is there to “help”, after all. And you know what that usually means.
Comment by cynn on 4/1 @ 9:04 pm #
Wow, you got me. I am just so—gotten.
Comment by cynn on 4/1 @ 9:19 pm #
plus, isn’t “it may be the last time” a Rolling Stones reference? Just a ragin’ vagina who’s asking.
Comment by Pablo on 4/1 @ 9:45 pm #
The Stones line is “This could be the last time”
“It may be the last time” is the Godfather.
Comment by J. Peden on 4/1 @ 9:46 pm #
No, it refers to a song originally by James Brown, as I mentioned – though the Rolling Stones might have reefed off on it in “This Could Be The Last Time”. I don’t know. I didn’t listen to the Rolling Stones’ song to see, since I didn’t like the sound of their song.
James Brown was talking about seeing his/”your best friends” for the last time, which just might-could be your own self, as I have interpreted it and applied it to you – and to alphie, of course, who has apparently has had so many last times that they must have run out, as mightily proven by alphie himself.
But the point stands, regardless of who said it or whether they meant it as I take it.
Comment by furriskey on 4/1 @ 9:51 pm #
Post a penis joke and you can leave alfi’s club and rejoin ours, Cynn.
You know it makes sense.
Comment by cynn on 4/1 @ 9:52 pm #
Thanks, Pablo, we don’t see eye to eye, but I always defer to your superior cultural references.
Comment by cynn on 4/1 @ 9:57 pm #
plus, I don’t have a penis joke. Haven’t seen one in forever. Can’t think of of a damn funny thing.
Comment by J. Peden on 4/1 @ 10:28 pm #
That’s a joke, cynn. And also why Dan Collins is so concerned about the problem of ~ “talking truth to Peter” if the Islamofascists manage to shut down the talking vaginas.
Comment by Swen Swenson on 4/1 @ 10:30 pm #
So.. Cheese is to mice as chocolate is to moonbats. Speaking of which:
We all know that everyone eats the ears of the chocolate bunny first, but what part of a chocolate Jesus would you eat first?
I say “… The Feet! The Feet!!” While waving my arms in small circles..
Comment by J. Peden on 4/2 @ 12:12 am #
That for sure oughta be enough to scare them off, on pain of being reconciled to eating “burning fish” instead, I say.
Unless you are talking to the French, in which case all bets are off, in flavor of gobbling “delicacies” which make you enlightened – because you might have just recently lost your feet, too, and so must surrender to the ensuing delight of eating anything less inferior offered, then working upward, where who knows what other delights one might encounter?
Comment by furriskey on 4/2 @ 3:11 am #
Twelve inch pianist?
Comment by B Moe on 4/2 @ 5:13 am #
Why didn’t God give women a brain?
He didn’t have anywhere to put it.
Kind of all-purpose, that one.
Comment by McGehee on 4/2 @ 9:40 am #
Um, those gals keep everything in their purses.
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