****Cross-Posted from Bloody Scott****
Notorious for his admissions of not getting any, Ace of Spades reveals that he is in fact the inventor of pooter. One can only marvel that Al Gore prides himself on having invented the internet, considering the extraordinary impact of pooter on the recent development of societies worldwide. For example, Pooter Geek would never have been possible had it not been for this adventitious achievement. Of course, it is possible that without the internet, it would have taken pooter much longer to spread into a global phenomenon.
I would personally like to thank Ace, from the bottom of my crotch, and I wish that he were benefitting more from his breakthrough. I can hardly think of anything that has provided more pleasure for men worldwide than pooter, with the possible exception of beer.*
In fact, I think that Ace ought to get serious consideration for the Nobel Peace Prize. Certainly the invention of pooter exceeds in importance the global warming blandishments of Al Gore. Indeed, it appears that the performance of sex with pooters decreases stress, thereby contributing to societal stability.
I think it’s a shame that in so short a period we’ve come to take pooter for granted. Personally, I can hardly remember the pre-pooterian world.
*Warning: The Surgeon General has determined that sex with pooter may be habit forming, and can for some individuals lead to a condition called “pussy whipped-ness”. Please have sex with pooter responsibly.
UPDATE: Per (appropriately) Ossian, in the comments, Ace may have been substantially anticipootered:
I’m afraid other claims may have caused me to miss earlier postings on this matter, but I regret I have very bad news for you. What is correctly known in the Anglosphere as Pooter was delineated in late 19th-century London by George and Weedon Grossmith in their classic Diary of a Nobody. Most students thereof would agree that Mr Charles Pooter would be one of the least suitable patron saints of what now seems to be an eponymous activity. Might I suggest the action be new baptized as Clinton or Beatty? The latter could cover several variants of the activity if further subdivided into Warren or Ned.
Actually, pooter was an accidental discovery. Me and the next-door-neighbor girl invented it one weekend while working on our freshman science project. I knew we should have patented the process. Too late now, dammit!
TW: turned14. Yeah, about that time (okay, that thing is definitely psychic).
Muslim Imams simultaneously claim to have invented pooter and criticize Western obsession with pooter.
Russian historian claims to have invented pooter.
French historian says that regardless of who invented pooter, French pooters are better.
Nutroots activists claim that pooter was created by the CIA to distract the masses.
Pooter sales strictly controlled under new congressional act – if it ever gets passed and signed into law.
“A Pooter in Every Lap,” promises Edwards.
What a difference a missing “F” makes.
Pas ce làest quelque chose mal avec celui.
I’m afraid other claims may have caused me to miss earlier postings on this matter, but I regret I have very bad news for you. What is correctly known in the Anglosphere as Pooter was delineated in late 19th-century London by George and Weedon Grossmith in their classic Diary of a Nobody. Most students thereof would agree that Mr Charles Pooter would be one of the least suitable patron saints of what now seems to be an eponymous activity. Might I suggest the action be new baptized as Clinton or Beatty? The latter could cover several variants of the activity if further subdivided into Warren or Ned.