9 things the MSM will suddenly rediscover should Romney win the Presidency
For John R
9. Yes, there really is an epidemic of homeless people. But worse than that, many of them are children. Who, when they aren’t at school or living out of their parents’ cars, have to work as gay prostitutes to support a mother who is taking community college courses as a paralegal so that she can regain the dignity she lost when George Bush broke the economy, and when the Big Banks made her sign on to a mortgage for the four bedroom house she couldn’t afford when she worked part time at the salon doing nails.
8. Mormonism as a religion not only has a cult aspect surrounding it — but its commitment to large families, which in turn produce an inordinate amount of CO2, might be one of the chief contributing factors leading to the disappearance of the polar ice caps and the death of many many many baby seals.
7. Some renowned Muslim scholars working for CNN believe that, in the Kufic script of early Arabic, the representation of “Romney” — if cited repeatedly in print — is almost guaranteed to make the moon to explode. And then where will we be?
6. Okay, so lowering taxes does lead to greater government revenues, but what good are those greater revenues when they aren’t being doled out by the government to the most needy among us, namely, those selfless entrepreneurs who have been working tirelessly to bring us green energy, electric cars, and some sort of human replacement for job killing ATMS and automated checkout lines at the Home Depot?
5. You can’t spell “yen” without “Romney.” Coincidence?
4. Borrowing money from China to pay for government programs is no different than borrowing money from the federal government to pay for your master’s degree in journalism. Just don’t pay it back! Voila. Fiscal “crisis” averted.
3. As the dollar loses value worldwide, now is the time to get back on the Gold Standard, which unfortunately we can’t do, because Mormons reportedly fear shiny objects — something you never hear spoken of, their being a secretive, cloistered cult devoted to magical undergarments to begin with. Still, we’ve heard rumors.
2. Republican politicians have kinda unhip haircuts. Will that really resonate with the younger generation of voters?
1. The teabagger party isn’t as dead as we thought it was. Instead, it lay hidden, like snakes in the grass, until it was able to overtake the Republican party and create a far right racist theocracy wherein social justice is sacrificed in the name of lower taxes — and monster truck rallies begin to replace PBS and NPR in the public consciousness, God help us.