Scene: The Oval Office. Carney, TOTUS, Axelrod and a makeup artist are present.

Axelrod: “You know, guys, I really don’t think this is the October Surprise I had in mind.”

Carney: “With the Vice President hiding somewhere on the White House grounds and the debate with Ryan coming up tomorrow, we need to do something. Now hold still.”

Makeup Artist: “You know, if Mr. Axelrod doesn’t let me shave off his mustache there’s just not enough makeup to pull this off.”

Axelrod: “Please don’t say ‘pull this off’ when you’re talking about my mustache.”

TOTUS: “You know, the President said to get Hillary to do this.”

Carney: “You’re welcome to go ask her.”

TOTUS: “He didn’t say ask her to do it, he said get her to do it.”

Axelrod: “Nobody gets her to do anything she doesn’t want to do. Hey, that tickles.”

Makeup Artist: “Sorry.”

Axelrod: “Are you sure Biden has this much ear hair?”

TOTUS: “I’ll bet the First Lady could get Hillary to do it.”

Carney: “Don’t be racist.”

TOTUS: “Look, when Barack sees that we’ve sent Axelrod on instead of Hillary, we might end up working for Debbie the Ditz no matter how well he does. He said get Hillary to do it. We should have at least tried.”

Carney: “You worry too much. Listen, the President isn’t going to know. He won’t watch the debate. He didn’t even show up for his own debate.”

TOTUS: “True.”

Axelrod: “Guys, maybe we need to rethink this. Is he really going to be happy about Biden doing better tomorrow night than he did in his own debate?”

Makeup Artist: “Please hold still, sir. I’m trying to hide your lip wig.”

Carney: “It looks great. Hey, isn’t that the same stuff they used on Cesar Romero when he played The Joker on TV?”

Makeup Artist: “That’s the stuff. And as long as Mr. Axelrod doesn’t lick it off he probably won’t get cancer from it for just this one time.”

Axelrod: “Probably?”

Carney: “He said don’t lick it.”

TOTUS: “Now let’s run through some of your lines, Ax.”

Axelrod: (as Biden) “Hey, it’s great to be here in Tennessee for this debate!”

Carney: “No, no, no! The debate is in Kentucky!”

TOTUS: “Do you want him to be Biden or don’t you?”