The Onion — “America’s Finest News Source” and publisher of satirical “fake news” — reports:
‘Time’ Publishes Definitive Obama Puff Piece
NEW YORKâ€â€Hailed by media critics as the fluffiest, most toothless, and softest-hitting coverage of the presidential candidate to date, a story in this week’s Time magazine is being called the definitive Barack Obama puff piece.
***
According to political analysts, the Time piece features the most lack-of-depth reporting on Obama ever published, and for the first time reveals a number of inconsequential truths about the candidate, including how he keeps in shape on the campaign trail, and which historical figures the presidential hopeful would choose to have dinner with.
This is unfair to Time magazine. It was ABC News and the Associated Press that reported on Obama’s exercise habits yesterday:
ABC News’ Sunlen Miller Reports: While Obama spent 91 minutes at a campaign event yesterday, the Illinois Senator spent a total of 188 minutes in the gym yesterday – making three separate stops to Chicago gyms over the course of one day.
This week began with the Obama campaign complaining about the new satirical New Yorker cover.  The week concludes with the establishment media becoming as vacuous as the satire of Obama’s media coverage. Mission accomplished for Camp Obama.
(h/t E. Nough.)
Update: Insta-lanche!
Comment by Pablo on 7/18 @ 11:17 am #
They’re finally beyond parody, and The Onion may well indeed qualify as America’s Finest News Source. Journalism has jumped the shark.
Comment by George Orwell on 7/18 @ 11:28 am #
Come now. This isn’t vacuity, it’s responsible journalism covering the urgent topic of Our Dear Leader’s health, our Savior’s sacred wellness. Don’t you think they would report the severity of the wounds Jesus suffered on the cross? And he wasn’t half the Deity that Lord Obama is, now and forever, amen.
Just don’t ask about his medical records, his wife’s campaign speeches, his contradictory policy positions, the location of the missing seven states, the breathalyzers for asthma, the simultaneity of Iran being a tiny country posing no threat and Iran being a severe threat to peace, the twenty years he spent at the feet of the preacher who isn’t the man he knew, the financing for his sacred House in Hyde Park, why Auschwitz wasn’t really liberated by the Red Army, the magical 100 MPG cars he knows are already out there ready to go, the difference between meeting with tyrant without precondition versus meeting with preparations, the…
Oh fuck it all. This list takes too long. Just get on your knees and bask in His Glory.
Comment by Mr. Pink on 7/18 @ 11:30 am #
I would figure journalism jumped the shark with Dan Rather’s forged documents in 2004. However that is just my opinion.
Comment by Thomass on 7/18 @ 11:36 am #
Hey, cut ABC News some slack. They are the only broadcast MSM organ that does push back on Obama (at all). Anytime a piece comes out that asks some tough question regarding the guy, it is them.
Comment by MayBee on 7/18 @ 11:38 am #
Yeah, I’m with Thomass on this a bit. I got the feeling from the exercise piece that they thought Obama was “exercising”.
Comment by kelly on 7/18 @ 11:43 am #
Just get on your knees and bask in His Glory.
It’s pretty clear to me that the MSM has gotten the first part down.
broadcast MSM organ
No comment.
Comment by happyfeet on 7/18 @ 11:48 am #
The Onion is way more read by liberals than anybody else. This piece is not insignificant, cause what the Onion is a lot saying is that Baracky is banal, which is same as boring. This piece really a lot accurately describes the state of the campaign when Bush is elided I think. Without that foil, Baracky is fluffernutter, and nobody doesn’t not know it is what the Onion piece is riffing on. The media is just the medium I think.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 7/18 @ 11:58 am #
- “Three” network news anchors glued to his luggage on the Great traveling Band tour of Europe. At what point will enough be enough? When Katie Couric is down to collecting his nose hair cuttings, or Brian Williams lists his favorite European TV ads for us.
- And just how many registered Democrats are there in Berlin anyway?
Comment by Rob Crawford on 7/18 @ 12:04 pm #
Mebbe getting a little stress relief in the steam room?
I denounce myself.
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 7/18 @ 12:10 pm #
“Hey, cut ABC News some slack. They are the only broadcast MSM organ that does push back on Obama (at all).”
No they don’t. It’s just ONE dude. Jake Tapper.
So we should also cut the Legion Of Doom some slack because Black Manta occasionally calls ‘bullshit’ on Lex Luther?
Comment by Mr. Pink on 7/18 @ 12:16 pm #
I do not know if I should laugh at this but they just compared Barack Obama’s trip to Europe to the Beatles going on tour.
Comment by Mr. Pink on 7/18 @ 12:17 pm #
#11 On CNN.
Comment by happyfeet on 7/18 @ 12:21 pm #
This isn’t novel. You can compare Clinton and Bush’s Africa trips and see the same thing really. What is interesting is the flavor of the coverage I think. Happy hopey changey we are the world and also we are the children, Katie’s in Berlin with a special up close and personal look at one of Baracky’s German fans… we are talking to Walhilde Buruner. What do you love most about Baracky, Walhilde? So what I think is that Olympics fatigue starts a lot early this year. And people get a lot more sensitized to being sold an emotion when they’re not really feeling it. Barcky’s European Extravaganza bookended with Olympic gayness is way way too much of the same flavor I think. People will a lot be exhausted and immune to emotional appeals come debate time I think. And Baracky only knows the one song.
Comment by archetype on 7/18 @ 12:30 pm #
Eventually, even the media will have to come to the realization that they are making fools of themselves over the vacuum that is Obama.
Then again, I thought they would notice Clinton was sleazy in ‘92 and look how long that took.
Comment by mojo on 7/18 @ 12:31 pm #
“This… is HIS GOURD!”
– Life of Brian
Comment by kelly on 7/18 @ 12:41 pm #
Is THE ONE taking a jet or being borne aloft on the wings of Angels? Or maybe Holy Levitation?
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 7/18 @ 12:53 pm #
“Is THE ONE taking a jet or being borne aloft on the wings of Angels? Or maybe Holy Levitation?”
Soros bought him a mock-up Air Force One to play with (complete with the Obama “Possum” seal).
Comment by kelly on 7/18 @ 1:02 pm #
Ecce O!mo
Comment by JHoward on 7/18 @ 1:14 pm #
They’re “beyond parody”? This is “unfair to Time magazine”?
I’ll see your bristling sacrilege, gentlemen, and raise you a full-on coronation.
O come, let us adore him.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 7/18 @ 1:21 pm #
“Most of the core members of his team served in government during President Bill Clinton’s administration and by and large were junior to the advisers who worked on Mrs. Clinton’s campaign for the Democratic nomination.”
Which means they were the ones feeding advice to the senior members of the Clinton Administration that got turned into policy.
We’re doomed.
Comment by slackjawedyokel on 7/18 @ 1:41 pm #
we are talking to Walhilde Buruner
Is Walhilde a Valkyrie?? Maybe Barry can ditch his unicorn for a ride on her winged horse over the Brandenburger Tor. Think of the visuals!!!
Comment by lunarpuff on 7/18 @ 2:14 pm #
he’s so enlightened he can probably ditch the plane and just float.
Comment by JD on 7/18 @ 2:16 pm #
I thought a Valkyrie was a cheap Harley knock-off.
Comment by JD on 7/18 @ 2:17 pm #
I like lunarpuff ;-)
Comment by Neo on 7/18 @ 2:19 pm #
If the Onion wants to take on a news mag, they should go after NewsWeak. If there is one news organ sucking up to Obama more than any other .. it’s NewsWeak.
Comment by happyfeet on 7/18 @ 2:22 pm #
Kitschiest president ever. Hang him next to velvet Elvis already. Baracky’s Summer of Love Tour is already more dorky than the Brady’s Go To Hawaii I think, and that was a three-parter.
Comment by Big Dan on 7/18 @ 2:28 pm #
He brought forth Juniper berries!
Be fair, though, it WAS a juniper bush after all.
Comment by ginsocal on 7/18 @ 2:31 pm #
Vapid coverage of a vacuous candidate. What’s not to love?
Comment by Karl on 7/18 @ 2:42 pm #
I do give ABC its due. In fact, the cited piece is arguably negative insofar as it suggests O! spent more time working out than campaigning — which is why I didn’t call the story “fawning,” for example. It doesn’t make this piece any less vacuous, however.
Comment by Aldo on 7/18 @ 2:44 pm #
Neo,
I was thinking the same thing. I’m sure Time coddles Obama as much as the rest of the MSM, but it is Newsweek that has really earned a reputation for going to embarrassing lengths to promote him.
Comment by kelly on 7/18 @ 2:45 pm #
Some actually gets paid to write this shit? Prostitution looks honorable by comparison.
Comment by MayBee on 7/18 @ 2:53 pm #
arguably negative insofar as it suggests O! spent more time working out than campaigning
The last person I want to nit-pick is you, Karl. But I got the impression ABC wrote that piece insinuating that he was lying about working out. You know, the kind of sneaking about and secretly meeting with people that Cheney does.
Comment by clarice on 7/18 @ 2:55 pm #
Do you suppose internal polls find that voters think him a rather effeminate wuss and his handlers have decided the gym thingy is the way to deal with that? I do.
Wasn’t it about this time in the race that JFK started windsurfing and spandex clad biking?
Comment by happyfeet on 7/18 @ 2:58 pm #
effeminacy is sort of an occupational hazard
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 7/18 @ 3:01 pm #
…”he is well prepared and [that] he often alters and expands on the talking points provided to him by his foreign policy advisers.”
Sweet Jesus. When a kindergartener gets a check plus for coloring inside the lines, this is the kind of shit the teacher writes in the margin for the parents to read.
Can he wipe his own ass too?
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 7/18 @ 3:06 pm #
Somebody over in The Corner was talking about Obama being perceived by the majority of men as an effeminate sissy. The money quote:
“Hell, even every 10 year old boy in my Cleveland inner city neighborhood would admit they’d rather have Hillary Clinton walk them to the local 7-11 than Obama.”
Comment by Blitz on 7/18 @ 3:24 pm #
# 22 Lunarpuff,
Isn’t it obvious? With Barackys’ conservation message, He’ll WALK to France, and from there take a Unicorn to the Brandenburg gate…
Comment by Blitz on 7/18 @ 3:26 pm #
# 27 Big Dan,
Whoa there dude…I’m allergic to Juniper berries!
And gin, which makes me a really cheap date. Ladies?
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 7/18 @ 3:28 pm #
“…â€Âhe is well prepared and [that] he often alters and expands on the talking points provided to him by his foreign policy advisers.â€Â
- Which explains how he caught his speech writers goof, and adroitly corrected it to the proper number of 57 states.
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 7/18 @ 4:06 pm #
“Which explains how he caught his speech writers goof, and adroitly corrected it to the proper number of 57 states.”
Damn straight. But it’s not his speech writers fault they stupidly thought the number was 50. They didn’t get to go to Columbia & Harvard.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 7/18 @ 4:34 pm #
The Hollywood Celebrity Treatment has become that obvious.
Treat him more like a blonde starlet, please.
Comment by Smirky McChimp on 7/18 @ 4:39 pm #
I’m looking forward to Obama’s stint in Celebrity Rehab, then.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 7/18 @ 4:47 pm #
If his trouble beating back Joe Camel is correct, then you will Smirky.
Comment by Aldo on 7/18 @ 5:01 pm #
Wasn’t it about this time in the race that JFK started windsurfing and spandex clad biking?
Don’t forget the spray-on tan that made hm look like a giant carrot.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 7/18 @ 5:04 pm #
Don’t forget the spray-on tan that made hm look like a giant carrot.
Well, O! doesn’t have to worry about that, anyway.
If he can just manage to order a cheesesteak with bleu cheese and arugula he’ll have all the bases covered.
Comment by Karl on 7/18 @ 5:22 pm #
#32: MayBee,
I guess I could see that interpretation. I didn’t see it at the time because the AP expressly raised the question of whether O! was meeting Veep candidates or such — and had other members of the press buying that he was going that often to the East Bank Club.
Comment by Karl on 7/18 @ 5:23 pm #
As for clarice(!) and her respondents,
We already have had the O! riding a bike with a flat tire photo-op…
Comment by Mr. Pink on 7/18 @ 6:17 pm #
Hark the herald MSM sings, “Glory to our newly elected king”
Sorry but comment 19 still has me laughing.
Comment by Carin on 7/18 @ 6:36 pm #
d has had a running tutorial from aides steeped in the issues. His campaign says that he is well prepared and that he often alters and expands on the talking points provided to him by his foreign policy advisers.
That is … frightening.
Comment by alppuccino on 7/18 @ 7:10 pm #
But I got the impression ABC wrote that piece insinuating that he was lying about working out.
I felt like the famous shirtless “swamp thing” photo insinuated that he was lying about working out, what with the doughy moobs and the pancake-like areolae.
Comment by Jim Treacher on 7/18 @ 9:57 pm #
First SNL, then Jon Stewart, now the Onion. Who else will be infected by the reich-wing neoKKKons???
Comment by B Moe on 7/19 @ 4:37 am #
the campaign even as it takes on more senior figures from the Clinton era, like two former secretaries of state, Madeleine K. Albright and Warren Christopher, and are positioned to put their own stamp on the party’s foreign policy.
McCain should mention that one of those jobs moved overseas that Obama wants to bring home is apparently terrorism.
Pingback by Real news overtakes the Onion on 7/19 @ 9:47 am #
[...] It’s kinda funny. [...]
Comment by happyfeet on 7/19 @ 1:04 pm #
Lamontyoubigdummy at #35 really nails it I think. This article is the best framing the New York Times could come up with. Baracky takes direction well and participates in class discussions.
Comment by Percy Dovetonsils on 7/19 @ 5:21 pm #
Is there any word that upon His arrival in Afghanistan, the Taliban has seen the light, thrown down their arms, and converted en masse to Obama-anity?
Not yet? Okay, has a mess hall worker seen an image of Him in a tortilla, at least?
Comment by Mwalimu Daudi on 7/19 @ 6:59 pm #
I suspect that there are at least some comics who are longing to mock the Messiah. After all, He and His wife are pompous mean-spirited morons whose disciples are fanatical blowhards. In other words - perfect comedy material. Remember Charlie Chaplin’s portrayal of Hitler in The Great Dictator?
But there are two insurmountable problems. The first is that unlike Chaplin (who opposed Hitler) many comics share the Messiah’s nightmare vision. The other is that for any comic tempted to leave the Liberal Plantation (even just to turn a quick buck) the Diversity and Tolerance Nazis will disabuse them of that notion in a hurry.
Comment by Chairman Me on 7/20 @ 8:56 am #
People who’ve been wondering about how to make fun of Obama–those who’ve not noticed that he’s Urkel’s illegetimate, gay half-brother with daddy issues and a God complex–can recognize that the funniest thing about him is the way some people follow him like lost puppies. Even John Stewart has taken Obama’s cock out of his mouth for brief interludes to note this.
Comment by MPH on 7/20 @ 10:31 am #
I’ve been saying it for over a year now — The Onion is getting good again…