me: “Loved you in Cujo.
Pintauro: “Pardon me?”
me: “I say, I loved you in Cujo. Fine bit of acting, especially for a six-year-old.”
Pintauro: “I’m sorry, but I think you have me confused with –”
me: “Not a big fan of ‘Who’s the Boss,’ though. Between you and me, Judith Light creeps me out. I think it’s the hair. And Tony Danza? Well, let’s just say he peaked during the second season of ‘Taxi.'”
Pintauro: “I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about. So if you’ll excuse me –”
me: “Oh, sure, I understand. Wanna keep a low profile and all that. Anyway, just wanted to let you know I’m a big fan. And yeah, I know you’re, like, gay. But that doesn’t bother me one bit. What you do with your junk is your business, as far as I’m concerned. And it certainly doesn’t take away from the performance you gave alongside that rabid St. Bernard –”
Pintauro: “Listen. My name is Phil. I live in Firestone with my wife and three daughters. I work for Kerr McGee. And you’re really beginning to irritate me –”
me: “Sure, sure. Wink wink, say no more. Your identity is safe with me. But, you know, grrrrrrowl! Good stuff. Fine work. Never would have known you’d turn out to be gay, either — at least, not from that performance.”
me: “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
Pintauro:
Pintauro: “Security!”
This one time, I got chased by a rabid bat. I killed it with a broom.
It’s been 25 years, so I guess the shots have worn off. But I’d do it again!
</b> </b> </b> </b> </b> </b> </b>! Dagnabbit!
It reminds me for no reason how saddening it is to see Alyson Hannigan on a CBS sitcom. If I saw her at Walgreen’s I would look away really fast and wonder if it was a kind of ominous portent like when I was unemployed that time and kept running into Corey Feldman.
A little Theraflu should clear that right up. I hope. ’cause that is one odd delirium.
But what kind of candy was he buying? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW!
McGehee:
Corn Holes
Flavored KY
Yes, THE REAL JEFF IS BACK!
That St. Bernard deserved an Oscar or something. He was magical.
. . . still with the flu? Dude, you are not feeding that virus enough tequila!
Me: “Never would have known you’d turn out to be gay, either  considering how much time you spent around your nubile, Lolita’ish co-star Alyssa Milano…”
Pintauro: …
Me: “Say, you wouldn’t still have her number laying around or anything, would you?”
Heh. Gay guy named Phil.
Is his last name McCreviss?
I was in Rite-Aid a couple of hours ago and saw the Halloween candy aisle.
One of the featured varieties is Gummi Body Parts®.
I didn’t look closely enough to see just how “anatomically correct” they were.
I wouldn’t be too concerned with how anatamically correct looking they were, but if I bit into one and it tasted chickenee-fishy I’d giggle.
Goldstein get over your flu and write something relevant. You’re getting cheezy.
Not heeding my little voice’s advice – up I jumped – into the discussion.
Sorry. I live to service Romans.
Like one of those blow jobbers in Caligula.
Damn you, now I have to buy some to find out.
If they don’t taste like that, it won’t be worth it to hand them out to trick-or-treaters.