…a post in which Sally Field holds a conversation with 70’s counterculture icon Billy Jack touching on conservative warmongering and its predictable relationship to society’s racist, patriarchal substructure — with Field asserting that, were mothers running the country, there’d be “no goddamned wars.”
The punchline, courtesy of Billy Jack, might go something like this: “Perhaps. But on the flip side, the inevitable proliferation of Lifetime original movies addressing the trauma of early onset menopause would mean that the terrorists have already won.
“And personally? I’d rather America goes out Judo-style instead of curled up on the couch in the fetal position, guilty over the fat in our snack chips and sobbing over some made for TV film about Ann Jillian’s heroic battle with breast cancer.”
Now, place that post here.
Enjoy.
Couldn’t find a good Sally Fields mug shot to go above Billy Jack?
And I accidentally imagined Fields instead griping to Ward Churchill, with the latter responding that mothers weren’t there when his Indian brothers were oppressed, and that they have yet to get their act together in two hundred years.
I’m no Jeff G, you know.
No. It’s that I don’t have Photoshop on this computer.
Plus, I’m tired and grumpy and lazy. And a douchebag, as well as a despicable human being.
Which kinda weighs on one.
Happens to the best of us.
“Plus, I’m tired and grumpy and lazy. And a douchebag, as well as a despicable human being.”
If the first step towards contentment is to know thyself, you look to be destined to hit the contentment Powerball jackpot.
The douchebag and despicable human being, part, though. The Photoshop thing? You know how to use the internets, right? Nobody but nobody pays for Photoshop on the internets!
I’m hoping it’s just a side-effect from Boniva (besides being too lazy to take a pill once a week). But I kind of doubt it.
Anyway, I take it Sally is a huge fan of Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir.
That show is the dumbest claptrap ever. Sally plays a nutjob, not a mother.
Thanks, sherlock. You’re the reason I keep plugging along.
I’m sure that Indira Ghandi, Golda Meir and Margaret Thatcher agree with Sally.
Oh…..
Wait……
At least you’re not a Catholic douchebag, Jeff.
I mean, I’m the State Chairman of Pseudo-Christian Douchebags for Jesus.
Sally Fields: If mothers ruled the world there’d be no goddamned war.
Palestinian Mother: I’d like you to meet my son.
Sally Fields: I’d love to.
Palestinian Mother (yelling into the next room): Achmed, please come out and meet our infidel guest. Wear your vest, the new one.
Sally Fields: I just love the way that scarf covers your face.
Palestinian Mother: I have to go to the market and get a new broom and mop. I’ll be right back.
Sally Fields: —
Imagine this in the voice of the woman who played Clark Griswold’s mother in Christmas Vacation:
“I can just picture it, Jeff, and it looks wonderful.”
fuckin flying-around-fuckin nun… flying around… “eww, my coronette starched so tight”… I can’t help my fuckin-flyin-self… fuckin attracted like a moth-nun to the fucking Carlos-a-go-go flame … jebus, where’s the fucking singing nun when you fucking need her… fuckin nun…www.fuckinflyingnun.com…goddamn
(testing my Denis Leary rant)
I always liked what some comedian (I forget who, exactly) observed about the Lifetime network: If it’s “television for women,” then why is some woman always being beaten in their movies?
Imagine no awards shows.
I wonder if you can.
Not that anyone, including me, gives a crap, but it’s Field, not Fields.
I saw some of the after-the-awards show on ‘E’. What’s the history on Jeremy Piven? He was asked during the Q&A about his view of the ‘green’ aspect of the program and he responded that he “drive(S) a hybrid” that “everyone should do their part” but that he wouldn’t get political because he’d been drinking and that it could get ugly and the next thing he knew he’d “be on some list and would never again be able to work” in Hollywood again.
I’m confused.
Don’t the lefties control who works in Hollywood? Or, is he referring to McCarthyism?
Was it Fair Trade booze?
“Don’t the lefties control who works in Hollywood? Or, is he referring to McCarthyism?”
Either:
A) He is a secret rightie, just playing along to get along with the green thing, or
B) He is a tipsy little drama queen fantasizing about being oppressed.
B is a good default answer.
If mothers ran the world, wars might be infrequent. Might, I say. But there would be no doubt as to winners and losers (and certainly no need for any nation building or Marshall Plan convolutions) as massacres don’t require much in the way of historical perspective for judgement.
Women are pound for pound about three times as brutal as men in any fight. Mothers are off the scale for nasty when it comes down to blood and pain for those they see as threats.
Ms. Field would know that…if her side ever thought that “mothers” rated more than pity.
What if Jane Hamsher ruled the world?
Hey some body let Sally know that “You love me, you really love me” moment.
Yeah, not so much.
Not back then, not now and not even when you were riding shotgun with Burt Renyolds.
Piven grew up in Chicago’s suburban north shore. If he outed himself as a rightie, not only could he be out of work, but he couldn’t go home to visit his mom.
“Women are pound for pound about three times as brutal as men in any fight. Mothers are off the scale for nasty when it comes down to blood and pain for those they see as threats.”
I’ve made similar claims many times. Men seem to be able to do this posturing and chest pounding thing, a bit of pushing back and forth, and figure out who wins and go have a beer. I think it’s because women are physically smaller than men, but we don’t have that option. I think about this in relation to my karate class. I could never *never* stand in a toe-to-toe fight with a man. I could, however, realistically learn enough to waste the guy before he figured out I was a threat. (Or kick him in the nuts, hard, and run.)
(Or kick him in the nuts, hard, and run.)
PSA:
Do not attempt this if you’re not a TV character.
In real life, if you miss or land a solid shot, it doesn’t hurt — at least not for quite a while, if ever, no matter how much stuff you busted — and the likelihood that the guy will kill you increases by approximately ninety-two gazillion percent.
Women generally don’t understand, because we’re nicer to them than they think we are, but seriously: almost any man can kill almost any woman with his bare hands whenever he feels like it. We almost never feel like it. But if you have to get away, you have to get away.
Here’s what you do:
First, run.
If he catches you, yank something — ear (up), bottom lip (down), nostril (out) — poke an eye, or knock a kneecap crooked if your karate’s tight. That shit freaks people out. You can’t beat him. (Seriously.) You have to shock him, buy yourself a moment.
Then you run again, faster.
Repeat until safe.
Where on earth does this conceit come from that if women were running the world, there would be no wars? It’s been my experience, based on the women I have grown up with and worked with, that when it comes to resolving conflicts, women can be the most selfish, self-absorbed, ruthless, manipulative, conflict-inducing creatures imaginable.
When I came to my current tech control shop following my tour of duty in Korea, we had a large number of women stationed there as well. The shop was divided into very stratified cliques, with the women acting as queen bee of their own little faction and working to tear down each other, with support from each of the members of their clique. It was ridiculous. Over the course of the year, as each of these females separated or PCS’d, the inter-shop strife dwindled to almost nothing. This can hardly be considered a coincidence.
Even in an Oprahfied, let’s-hug-it-out world, women would end up causing as much strife, if not more, than men because at least when men have conflict, we generally manage not to hold a grudge about it for the next 50 years.
Or better yet:
Shoot the bugger.
Repeat.
I’m a trog. Just bear that in mind.
A man out hunting mammoth with the boys will take stupid chances. Even a father will push the edge – there is such a thing as honor and pride, after all, and some times the pursuit of them will lead to bad life choices.
Now “mammoth” up there is metaphorical. You may substitute racquetball or stock trading or war… or whatever you wish.
Males are designed to be expendable. Women are not. And when women find themselves on the pointy end they are NOT wired to give their all for the home team. Rather they are wired to continue raising the home team regardless of hardship or obstacle and that’s what makes them so bloody vicious. If they go to the mat, they make a little mental note to make time afterward for a refreshing shower and maybe catch a Viggo Mortensen flick with the girls.
A few decades worth of Spock, Steineim, and friends hasn’t changed the chassis of humanity much. They sure have screwed up a lot of otherwise normal people, though, and that’s a fact.
– A mother protecting her spawn with her finger on the button. Yeh. I’ve heard of scarier things, but not many.
Heh… that’s what the training is for… targeting. But you’re very right. That’s about exactly what my instructor teaches… run and then run some more.
I don’t believe in teaching helplessness, however. (After 9-11 when everyone was talking about ways grandma could fight back on an airplane I heard the argument that it was *cruel* to give old or weak people a false sense of effectiveness. Firstly, acting in concert with others, even grandma can contribute, and secondly, teaching and enforcing helplessness is vile.)
In any case I still maintain that physical size explains the difference between the way men fight and the more feminine scorched earth policy.
“Rather they are wired to continue raising the home team regardless of hardship or obstacle and that’s what makes them so bloody vicious.”
Was watching a *stooopid* movie on television the other night. The mother manages to get her child away from the bad guys and is driving away in a car and they have her husband and are threatening to kill him if she doesn’t stop.
She stops.
I think if I did something so asinine my husband would divorce me.
Psychologizer –
I do not propose that women are in any way advantaged in single combat. But that’s not what wars are about. Wars are about winning, and doing the things required to win.
War done right means doing the things “that freak people out” on an industrial scale. I believe Golda Meier was the only national leader other than Truman to ever release nuclear weapons to field commanders in a time of war. It might have just been coincidence… but I reserve judgment on that.
“I think if I did something so asinine my husband would divorce me.”
BINGO.
In other words… yes, men are designed to be expendable. Both parents are there to ensure the survival of the next generation but with different essential roles. The man is the front guard, the woman the rear guard.
Asked my husband… he said, “I’d probably kill you myself.”
I wonder where Sally stands on non-mothers who have had abortions. Limited to border skirmishes, but no full-blown wars? I get confused on all these technicalities…
Good points. However, if you find yourself surrounded by several attackers at once, go straight for the most vicious looking one of the bunch, gouge out one of his eyes, then run. The resultant confusion will give you a few moments extra escape time.
If you have anything sharp and pointy (like a set of keys), so much the better.
JeffG
You might not have p’shop on the new puter, but some of your minions do …
::::ahem::::
Synova
I haven’t taken any ‘formal’ martial arts… but my dad who boxed as a teen and in the Army taught me some moves and not long about our inhouse Bureau of Investigation (I work at a District Attorney Office) brought in some self-defense trainers who gave us quite the workout
the biggest obstacle for a woman is getting over that little mental censor that sez “don’t HURT anyone”
Luckily I’m old enough (both a mom and grandma) that little censor isn’t there anymore … when it came time for us to individually “attack” the big musclely guy decked out in all sorts of protective gear as practice, I shocked my younger, tenderer co-workers because I went after the guy with 100% aggressiveness.
I don’t know what Field was babbling about re: “peaceful” moms, but obviously somewhere none of her sons were ever in danger in her presence or she wouldn’t have said such a dumb thing.
Just wondering: What do you think Hillary’s poll numbers would do if she said that?
Plus, as others have alluded: It took Dick Nixon and the Enterprise battle group to get Indira Gandhi to stand down in ’71. And the greatest miscalculation in Argentine history came when they thought Maggie Thatcher was like Sally Field.
Hard to picture Maggie in the Trans Am, so they should have clued in from the failure in the visualization exercise in that case.
And then there was Catherine the Great, but I don’t want to start a stampede of horse jokes. So to speak.
Sure.
Women would never just fuck someone up for dubious reasons at all.
Right.
Go see the latest Jodi Foster movie. Pay attention to the applause.
PS: On the ball kicking thing…. unless the guy is tucked into a pair of those low rise jeans Jeff describes (the ones where if the waist size is OK, but the balls will still need to be twisted into a knot…)
anyways, we (guys) aren’t all that easy to kick in the balls. Slightest hostile move towards us down there and we close up.
Okay, no ball kicking.
But trying for the balls and when he “closes up” grabbing both ears and planting a knee to the face? At least three strikes in any case, not just one that might miss.
If someone grabs you there isn’t room to kick anyhow and I’ve never quite believed that stomping on a foot works (unless one is wearing heels). But a strike to the throat or groin with a fist or elbow, ripping off ears or gouging eyes out… realistically (speaking of myself) I’m unlikely to be lethal but *if* I’m going to be effective in a self-defense situation I have to *intend* to be lethal. If I’m not willing to kill an attacker I might as well not bother at all. Like Darleen said, get over the “don’t hurt anyone” inhibition, go 100% aggressive… and *without warning*. If nothing else it might gain a psychological advantage that gives an opportunity to escape.
And run.
I sometimes think I’m at an advantage in class when it comes to visualization because I’m old and mean… but maybe it’s not age, maybe it’s because I *am* a mother.
(And I envy Darleen the chance to work with someone in a ballistic suit. How fun!)
But anyhow, what would you men tell your daughters to do?
(Sort of on a tangent… along with the “don’t hurt anyone” mental censor is a real tendency to either act *or* scream… not both. It’s sort of interesting to me how nearly everyone in class, but particularly young students, have trouble hitting a punching bag and yelling “kiyah” at the same time when they start. It’s unnatural or something. The teenagers seem to really struggle with it. The older adults catch on much faster. I hadn’t really connected that to the tendency of people to either scream while standing immobile or else fighting or trying to run away without yelling before. But I bet it’s the same problem. And I haven’t noticed a gender difference with the kids.)
But like someone else said… individual self-defense isn’t the same thing as corporate aggression in war so this isn’t really on topic, quite.
“What if Jane Hamsher ruled the world?”
Have I ever told you how bad those flying monkeys freak me out?
“But trying for the balls and when he “closes up†grabbing both ears…”
I have been told that both hands, open palmed, slammed against opposite sides of the head will rupture ear drums and render an attacker incapacitated for a bit. Don’t know if it is true, all of the fights I was ever in consisted of an exchange of glancing blows, a tackle, then rolling around on the floor like drunken asses until the bouncers threw us out.
Ball-kicking, eye-gouging, throat-chopping? Doesn’t anybody carry a gun anymore?
omment by alppuccino on 9/18 @ 4:18 am #
Ball-kicking, eye-gouging, throat-chopping? Doesn’t anybody carry a gun anymore?
“Nobody ever raped a .38.” Mike Royko circa?
Words to my oldest daughter.When she moved from Chicago to the west coast. You point the part the bullet comes out of at the person trying to kill you. Aim at the biggest part you can see. Pull the curvey thingie until it quits going BANG. Call the police. Call me.
Sally Fields= Bonehead
Speaking of “imagine”, imagine going through life wondering what Dinah Shore has that you don’t. That might cause a little psychosis.
GODDAMN YOU BURT!!!
Heck, mothers can’t even keep their kids from building cool stuff in the backyard while their backs are turned. No way they can run the world, and no way would it be any fun if they did.
Poor Sally. That people keep referring to her TransAm days and her Flying Nun days gives you some idea how long it’s been since she did anything worth mentioning. Generating this much attention at Protein Wisdom is probably the biggest thing to happen to her “career” in years!
Joan – That was great stuff. Thanks.
“….what Dinah Shore has that you don’t.”
– Yeh….and she did it on her wat out too….. a double whammy to harsh Salley’s mellow…..
…make that “way”, although I suppose t+wat works too……
Wait, I’m late to the party. So Sally Field was raped by Billie Jack on a Lifetime Movie?
And I could have been watching that instead of listening to Jaworski squeal like eunuch over the giant blow-up Eagle in the endzone on Monday Night Football?
Joan
That was very cool!!!
Moms aren’t really killjoys…. I don’t think they’re the impetus behind public schools ripping out the monkey bars and banning tag and dodgeball.
Sorry, bro, but you’re going to have to step it up. This is what a despicable douchebag looks like.
Women are probably as lethal as men, just sneakier. We had an arrest locally a couple days ago after a young woman showed up at the hospital violently ill.
The cops arrested the mother – for the death of her husband. He had been poisoned with antifreeze. When they exhumed her previous husband’s body, it turns out his “heart attack” was antifreeze too.
The only argument I’m buying for women being less violent than men is lack of opportunity.
Fields is full of it. Most mothers are benign tyrants, which is a fine way to raise children. It is no way to treat adults, and no way to run a country.
As women have decided that heeding any advice from men is submitting to oppression, I must leave it to them to reform their tyrannous voting patterns.
I’m not hopeful.
“With your shield, or on it!”
Bitches ain’t nothing but tricks and ho’s! I kid, I kid. I like the benign tyrant description, though. And it is a very good way to raise children, but not adults. And markD could be onto something in his description, too. Women, by virtue of having less brute strenghth are probably sneakier in their lethality. Men, except those like perfesser ummm, usually are much more blunt due to their inherent physical strength, but women don’t have that luxury (whether that is God’s design or mother natures is another story). Anyhow, I think we can all agree that Field is an idiot and move on from there.
Obsteporous – Did you see where Isaih Thomas said, essentially, that it was alright, or less bad, for black men to call women bitches than white men? Add that to the list of words only the white man cannot use.
I would recommend that Ms. Field read a biography of Maria Theresa of Austria. Frederick the Great found her to be a formidable opponent.
To imagine quotes:
FTG: “Ah, she’s just a mere woman – let’s grab Silesia.”
FTG: “Damn…”
FTG: “Trust a Hapsburg woman to be the one wearing the pants in that family…”
JD, Isaiah, much like Ms. Field, is an abject moron. He’s a bigger bitch than sally.