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a CITIZEN JOURNALIST visits his local Safeway

check-out lady: “Need anything else? Stamps, ice…?”

CJ: “Well, a little less defeatism from our national Democrats would be welcome.”

check-out lady: “If you say so — though they’d probably counter that a little more realism from bloodthirsty warmongers might be nice. Paper or plastic?”

CJ: “Plastic.”

CJ: “– And you know what? Triple-bag that shit, too. Freakin’ Hippie.”

28 Replies to “a CITIZEN JOURNALIST visits his local Safeway”

  1. RiverC says:

    At least she didn’t make you buy hemp bags.

    ‘I’m sorry sir, but you’ll need to buy a bag.’

  2. wishbone says:

    Not to be pushy–but any sign of the kevlar dancer at the bottom of one of those ungreen bags?

  3. JD says:

    wishbone – That is kind of like asking a salesman for the price of something. If you have to ask, it ain’t dancing.

    Keep your head down, stay safe.

  4. McGehee says:

    check-out lady: “If you say so — though they’d probably counter that a little more realism from bloodthirsty warmongers might be nice. Paper or plastic?”

    I wondered where that crackpot lady who used to clerk at my local gas station/convenience store got to.

  5. JD says:

    I think she prolly spit on your fresh fruits and veggies while you were fumbling with your wallet. Wash them well before eating them.

  6. Radish says:

    Surely someone here can draw cartoon heads well enough to turn these dialogs into a strip.

  7. psychologizer says:

    Get with the times, citizen. It’s asking for paper that most offends the offendable at the “hippie” — i.e., millionaire housewife — grocery stores now.

    Plastic is okay (San Francisco said so), but anything other than “I brought my own rasta-striped Vuitton-patterned woven hemp Euro-Sak with a Truther pin on it, thanks — oh, sorry, let me get that Jonathan Franzen book I didn’t hear about from Oprah and this (I casually mention) Injerto-stained PBS gift mug out of the way first,” can get you a pissed-on-his-chin face from the more earnest packer monkeys.

  8. The Ouroboros says:

    check-out lady: Thank you! You saved $4.32 today. You have a nice day, Mr.. uhh.. Journalist…

    (Rethuglican.. Hmmmph)

  9. SeanH says:

    I hope she put your bread in with your canned goods, FASCIST!

  10. LionDude says:

    Thank your Boca burgers that this didn’t happen at a Whole Foods. A trap door would have sent you falling into a vat of a boiling brew of skin-burning hazelnut “fair trade” coffee.

  11. Karl says:

    Where have you gone, Joleen?

  12. Great Mencken's Ghost says:

    No Blood for Creamed Corn, Imperialist Neocon Running Dog!

  13. Jeffersonian says:

    Hope you eat those baby seal steaks nice and rare, too.

  14. Big Bang (Pumping you up) says:

    – Apparently as a first step in the process of regenerating both of their careers, both Madonna and Britany have been targeted for beheading by the Jihadists. Not sure it would help either of their acts, but I suppose theres a chance it would help.

  15. Doug says:

    ” a little more realism from bloodthirsty warmongers might be nice. ”

    She doesn’t like Saddam?

  16. MarkD says:

    At least she didn’t put the cans on top of the potato chips. You did check before you left the store, didn’t you?

  17. Never go to Whole Foods unheeled, that’s my motto.

  18. Big Bang (Pumping you up) says:

    – Lets be clear here. No one is accusing the NYT of impartial fair and balanced journalism.

    ….What…?

    ….Another thread…. hmmmm….. Well then nevermind….

  19. Just Me says:

    Hmmmmm, I could have sworn that lady works at my office who blames lost voice mails on that damn Patriot Act. Maybe she has a second job at the Safeway.

  20. Major John says:

    JM,

    Heck, I believe the coffee machine not working to be the fault of NSA surveillance.

    What?! Why are you all looking at me like that?

  21. Spiny Norman says:

    #10 LionDude,

    Do I need to turn in my Right-Wing Death Beast™ badge if I admit I buy hazelnut fair trade coffee… and make my morning cuppa joe with a French press?

    Boca burgers are right out, though. My burgers are 100% real beef. And none of that “extra lean” stuff, either: anything less than 22% comes out too damn dry.

  22. Major John says:

    Spiny,

    22%? Dude, 90% lean is still good enough. You just have to slather it in A-1…

  23. Spiny, I think you need some masculinity lessons … it was the French press that sent you into metrosexual territory.

  24. wishbone says:

    “You just have to slather it in A-1…”

    BLASPHEMY!

  25. In defense of the French press, I think RTO had one while he was in Afghanistan cause I don’t think he always had electricity. Or else he was just being kind when he thanked his mother for it.

  26. McGehee says:

    French press? Is that the one that was going to account for Kerry’s 15-point margin of victory in ’04?

  27. Merovign says:

    I thought the French Press was what you used to make waffles.

    And Karl, I’m thinkin’ Joleen got promoted.

  28. McGehee says:

    I thought the French Press was what you used to make waffles.

    Yet another Kerry connection.

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