Heavyset woman with large beverage (hurtling toward me): “Excuse me. Excuse me!”
Me: “No thank you.”
Heavyset woman with large beverage: “No, I’m not selling anything. I was just gonna ask if I could borrow forty cents so I could make a phone call –“
Me: “– Just the curly fries, then, please.”
Heavyset woman with large beverage: “Huh –?
Me: “– The Horsey sauce, yes.”
Heavyset woman with large beverage: “Wait you’re…uh… Y’know what? Forget it, nevermind –“
Me: “Thank you. Come again, and have a nice day!”
The whole “borrow” thing is what gets me. Like they’re going to pay it back.
I like that method of avoidance. I think I’ll try it next time i get accosted.
Me, I would have thought you were crazy just for being in an Arby’s parking lot.
Ironically, I was panhandling.
ain’t it the truth
I particularly love the plea for 4.85 for gas ploy
(with a gas can) so they can take their wife to the hospital to have their baby…three hours later? their still on their way to the hospital, but it was strange that a low grade hit of crack was like the same amount….whatever it was Bush’s fault Clinton loved those guys
The last one I heard was that the woman’s girlfriend was in the back seat of the car (somewhere else), and had just been beaten up by her boyfriend, and they needed gas money to get to the hospital. Once she got to that point, I walked away without speaking.
Later, of course, I thought about offering to call the cops for them…
I have never considered the mental retardation defensive maneuver. Great idea.
Reminds me of the charming encounter, shortly after relocating to Denver, that I had with the illiterati youth that inhabit the 16th Street Mall.
They stood against a building, asking me if I could give them a quarter or a dollar, apparently in exchange for their valuable service of standing against a building (perhaps in Denver the buildings are weaker, and they employ skanky looking Kids-rejects to keep them up?) Rather than reward their behavior, the wife and I simply pretended they did not exist (something we dont’ do, say, for a busker who at least is offering something in return for the change).
As we passed, they muttered “Oh yeah, Mr. Yuppie Man can’t afford to give out any money…” – to which I turned around and politely informed them to kiss my ass, as I work for my money and perhaps they should try it. Sometimes my mouth writes checks my body can’t cash, you see*.
Long story short, I don’t think anyone had ever presented them with this line of astounding reason, as their snappy reply was “Hey man, we work for our money, we… uh… uhhh.”
Exactly.
But I suppose I should be happy that at least the buildings downtown are still standing.
* Top Gun, baby!
I think you handled that nicely.
I like this technique:
“Excuse me, do you have any spare change?”
“As a matter of fact I do, but it was nice of you to ask.”
I always feel a bit…infantile asking for “Horsey” Sauce and my dearest R can’t ask for it without slipping in a faux lisp (to the delight of his daughters howling with laughter in the back seat)….