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a half-hearted attempt to reaffirm my conservative bona fides, 16

If a restaurant won’t let me substitute a side of fries or a baked potato or even some cole slaw for a dainty little dish of fruit salad, I just get up and walk the hell right out.

No offense to fruit salads, understand. But that’s just the way I roll.

38 Replies to “a half-hearted attempt to reaffirm my conservative bona fides, 16”

  1. happyfeet says:

    True story…

    I’d like a cheeseburger without the cheese please.

    You mean you want a hamburger.

    NO. Give me a cheeseburger and just take off the cheese. I hate cheese.

  2. Ardsgaine says:

    “I just get up and walk the hell right out.”

    Good choice.

  3. N. O'Brain says:

    It’s the manly thing to do.

  4. SarahW says:

    BECAUSE OF THE LACTOSE INTOLERANCE!

  5. The Ouroboros says:

    Okay, I’ll make it as easy for you as I can. I’d like an omelet plain and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce, no chicken salad, no wheat toast.. all on fries or a baked potatoe or even some cole slaw for Crissakes… And a cup of coffee.

  6. JD says:

    You are tossing who’s salad?

  7. Bobby Dupea says:

    Yeah.. Hold the Fruitcup.. Hold it between your knees!

  8. JD says:

    Hey, Fruitcup. How about let’s try out that wide stance?

  9. Major John says:

    Steak fries, right? Not some weenie, Julienne fries or, God forbid, curly fries…

  10. The Ouroboros says:

    … or worse, pommes frites

  11. Sticky B says:

    Just so I’m clear here…..what’s your stance on sherbet? Particularly pineapple sherbet.

  12. Sticky B says:

    Cause I’m guessing that we’re talking about compromised values in that case.

  13. Ric Caric says:

    That’s absurd. Goldstein’s the kind of guy who would demand a pumpkin latte instead of ordinary coffee.

  14. SarahW says:

    Nuh uh. He drinks the beans.

  15. SarahW says:

    Straigth from the roaster. At 500 2000 degrees. Some of those beans pooed out by Gorillas.

  16. SarahW says:

    I swear that “th” was just a slip of the fingers. I was reaching down to pick up a post-it.

  17. Fruit salad? There are places that still serve fruit salad?

  18. ccs says:

    Major John,

    There’s a little mom & pop close to where I work where that makes fries that are probably cosidered julienne (cut @ 1/4 inch). They are homemade and are the greasiest best tasting fries I’ve ever had, the only resaon to eat there, the rest of the food is mediocore at best. The fries are extra crisp on the outside yet still soft on the inside, and the little *crumbs* are extra crispy, heaven. Similar to the fries you get at the fair or a carnival in the little cup. My point? Julienne is not always a bad thing.

    Excuse me, I think I’m going for an early dinner…

  19. N. O'Brain says:

    “Comment by Sticky B on 8/31 @ 12:03 pm #

    Just so I’m clear here…..what’s your stance on sherbet?”

    Orange sherbet with chocolate ice cream.

  20. SarahW says:

    Rules for fruit salad – no grapes, or you are cheating.

  21. The Ouroboros says:

    What if it’s not truly ‘Fruit Salad’ but rather “Big N’ Chunky Fruit Cocktail in Extra Heavy Syrup” ?

    A masculine treat if there ever was one…

  22. SarahW says:

    There was a famous murder here in Richmond – the violence erupted when two hobo’s clashed over who would get the cherry from the Van de Camps fruit cocktail.

  23. The Ouroboros says:

    So if our social welfare program had not failed these hobos by providing them with only regular Van de Camps fruit cocktail instead of the more expensive (but worth it) ‘double the cherries’ variant… a life could have been saved.

    A sad statement on our society…

  24. Jeff G. says:

    That’s absurd. Goldstein’s the kind of guy who would demand a pumpkin latte instead of ordinary coffee.

    WEENIEMANAPHOBE!

  25. happyfeet says:

    you won’t have this little dish of poncey geriatric fruit salad to kick around anymore

  26. Ardsgaine says:

    Jeff, you must overcome your fear of a fruit salad planet…

  27. Oh yeah? I won’t even let the kid watch the Wiggles.

    That’s how much I hate fruit salad.

    I did order a smoothie in the airport once, but I had to leave before I got it.

  28. The Ouroboros says:

    Oh yeah? But I bet you let them watch the hell outta Veggie Tales, don’t you?!

    Fruitophobe !

  29. Rusty says:

    Men don’t drink ‘lattes’. Men drink coffee.

  30. Sean M. says:

    I like my coffee how I like my women–in a burlap sack, slung over a burro.

  31. SarahW says:

    Sean M, I thought that was Dan.

  32. Sean M. says:

    How could you mistake a burro for Dan?

  33. happyfeet says:

    Does “burrito” mean little burro? Just curious.

  34. happyfeet says:

    The word burrito literally means “little donkey” in Spanish.

    That was easy.

  35. Major John says:

    ccs – hmmm. What you describe sounds an awful lot like the fries from Steak n’ Shake. You are hearby granted full pardon and future dispensation. Go forth and scarf down those fries!

  36. JD says:

    If you like sherbert, your stance has to be wide.

  37. Bob Dobalina says:

    I like your blog, and I agree with your politics, so this isn’t a troll, but…

    You should eat the fruit, fatass.

  38. happyfeet says:

    I bought some fruit a couple weeks ago. It looks different now.

Comments are closed.