Did I mention I found Jesus? Because I did — lounging in the back of my stretch Hummer, sipping Cristal out of a Nike hightop cleat.
— Which, it turns out, happened just in the nick of time, because word on the street is, St Francis of Assisi was so pissed off he was looking to corner me in a shower stall and whip my Black ass with one of them spiked leather dog collars.*
Jesus saves, brother.
He may discover Islam while he’s in prison – then he’ll still want to kill dogs, but he won’t be able to touch them.
Football posting won’t make you more masculine, sissy RACIST!
‘Assisi’ was, for a reason, so named.
Or so I’m told.
St. Frank — I can call him that because I went to one of his schools for five years — St. Frank isn’t out to get Michael Vick.
He’s too busy releasing diseased baboons from testing labs.
<quickly re-checks weather forecast for metro Atlanta>
Um, forget I said that.
I found Jesus too. He was on the dashboard of the El Camino I bought from one of my neighbor’s yard guys.
“Which, it turns out, happened just in the nick of time, because word on the street is, St Francis of Assisi was so pissed off he was looking to corner me in a shower stall and whip my Black ass with one of them spiked leather dog collar”
—
that’s pretty hot, really.
Hey! I found Jesus too! A few weeks back while digging a trench for my new gas line [ditch digging, it’s the hypermasculine thing to do!]. Seems someone had taken him off the dash, put him in a little box, and buried him. Now if certain stories were true, shouldn’t I have found an empty box?*
*Just trying to make sure I don’t wind up sharing eternity with Jerry Falwell. I think I’d find that annoying and I’m sure he would. Besides, I wouldn’t want to go there, I’d be lonely without all my friends.
OTOH, I’m pretty damn sure I don’t want to go where Michael Vick is headed.
Seems someone had taken him off the dash, put him in a little box, and buried him
What you likely found is a buried statue of St. Joseph.
Which also means that either a prior owner of the house was a superstitious Catholic, or a cover-all-bases superstitious nonCatholic who heard about superstitious Catholics who bury St. Joseph statues in order to make selling their property easier, and thought to give it a try.
I’ve often wondered about how St. Joseph feels about it…
He apologized, and he looked really sharp in that suit. They should make him pay a fine and let him play football now. This has gotten blown way out of proportion. I hope I’m never in a position where the NFL passes judgment on me. So far I’ve flown under their moralistic little radar though.
Whatever, the fact that the Bills have never been allowed to win a super bowl is proof that the NFL hates working class stiffs and black people.
“Your job? Um, trust me, Mike – there’ll be another athletic black man along pretty much immediately. Sorry.”
One I heard today :
Me : Mike Vick’s found Jesus.
You: Really ?
Me : Apparently. When told about the Falcons attempt to reclaim the 120 million they spent on him, Vick was heard to exclaim “Jesus, can they do that?”
I am reluctant to question Paris Hiltons conversion, so no suprise I won’t question Vicks.
I’m with happyfeet, waaayyyy overblown. The Atlanta Falcon owners statement disgusted me more than Vicks. You would think the guy did unspeakable things with little girls he murdered.
Probation and a heafty fine, a suspension (Micheal Irvin got a five game suspension for the cocaine arrest, a worse crime in my mind) by the NFL, and the eternal harrassment of PETA is sufficient punishment for the crime I say.
After all this, when next I see a dog, I will cross to the other side of the street. Best not to risk offending the dog, and facing the outrage of radical fauna-ists. Wouldn’t want MY life blowing up in my face.
Well then, the next dog you see, you should probably avoid strangling and burning the body.
It’s tough, I know. Little steps…
My favortie moment of his apology was when he said that he had “made a bad decision.” Mike, “a bad decision” is something like, say, “She looks 18” or “it’s ok to carry this loaded gun in the car.” But, Dude, 6 years of owning a dog kennel for dog fighting? That’s not a “bad decision.” That’s a bad lifestyle.
Uh, you people do understand he was gambling, right? With large bills and unsavory characters? Ask Paul Hornung or Alex Karras what the NFL thinks of gambling.
“That’s a bad lifestyle.”
Ah-huh.
And if, say, a large number of other NFL players knew of and participated in Vicks enterprise, the disclosure of which would cripple the league, do you think it would be best to focus exclusively on Vick? Just a little morality mental exercise.
Is the life of an animal worth ruining the life of a man? I like snagging a trout in the lip with a barbed hook, playing with him til he’s exausted, poking a sharpened stick up his ass, and roasting him over a fire (if his gills are still working at this point, THAT’S fresh baby!)until suffeciently cooked for cunsumption. The limit is five a day.
Good times.
I must be a monster.
Masculine even!
*as the metrosexuals in the rear shudder*
“*as the metrosexuals in the rear shudder*’
Sorry. I like to bait proggs with a barbed hooks too.
I’m praying to Jesus to make me a better person…
Oh yes, convictions on felony gambling charges are always blown WAAAYYY out of proportion.
I have no sympathy for Vick. At all.
“Is the life of an animal worth ruining the life of a man?”
Putting aside the morality issues, don’t you think this is a question Vick should have asked himself? Would you risk everything you have worked for and attained in life for the “pleasure” of watching two dogs, one of which you had raised from a puppy and spent hours training, rip themselves to shreds in a bloody pit? What kind of man would make a decision like that? What kind of man would fail to see that his corporate sponsors and employers may not appreciate his gambling on bloodsports and not realize he was risking fucking hundreds of millions of dollars?
You can feel sympathy for the sadistic idiot all you want, I feel more for the ruined lives of the dogs.
There’s no need to cry for Vick’s forfeited football career. Like any other NFL player, he has his college degree to fall back on.
If he’d pulled a Lewis and killed a man, all would be forgiven. Maybe you have to be a linebacker…
Forgive the snark. The culture of giving athletes a pass has to have a limit, somewhere. Drugs seem to be OK. Gambling is iffy, we don’t want to get the fans wondering too hard about that game. Homicide is also iffy – it didn’t work for Carruth, but maybe you need to kill a woman to actually get punished.
Vick would have gotten off it it was a cockfight. You just can’t get people as worked up about chickens.
I don’t have any problem with him serving some hard time, and I hope it’s more than the eighteen months that has been talked about. After he’s served his sentence, I don’t have any problem if the NFL were to allow him to try to rehabilitate himself. At the same time, I wouldn’t want him on my team if he would bring us a Super Bowl. What a waste.
“There’s no need to cry for Vick’s forfeited football career. Like any other NFL player, he has his college degree to fall back on.”
God, I love it! Time to really make the big bucks!
I have no sympathy for Vick. I’m sure he was trying to fly under the radar with an illegal hobby. He should face the punishment proscribed by law. OK fine.
It’s all the fucking morilizing that gets me. Here’s a hint. Vick isn’t charged with murder.
Cock fighting was criminalized in Luisiana (the last state it was legal in) a month or so ago. In all previous history, it had been legal. There was a whole system of commerce built around it, much like any other sport (not just gambling, there was owners and breeders and such, like in the rodeo world, another sport doomed to demonization soon). I’m sure sometime soon, someone will be “made an example of” for cock fighting (dispite it being a big part of the illegal-alien culture), thrown in prison for doing what his ancesters did, to the unconcern of nearly all.
Maybe the Preying-Mantis fight scene in Enter the Dragon should be censored out. That rotton fuck Bruce Lee even BET on it! OOOOH, the HUMANITY!
I’ve never even known anyone that saw a dogfight, much less seen one for myself. Not my taste. But I’ll tell you, drugs are also illegal, cause a HELL of a lot more harm to society, but barely make a blip when an NFL player gets arrested on drug charges. That’s not the problem for me, as long as they face the consequences of their crimes. What I’m finding ironic is, those morilizing (and demonizing) want to burn Vick at the stake. I’d be fine if he got a just sentence in a courtroom.
Spare me the hyper-active outrage.