“By their fruits ye shall
know them. Oh, and chaps are a
dead giveaway, too…”
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Recent Comments
- In The Mailbox: 02.28.23 (Afternoon Edition) : The Other McCain on Hey, longtime pw readers…
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HATE CRIME!
Not just the chaps, Jeff.
The actual giveaway?
The exposed buttocks.
I read “chaps” as British for “dudes,” and it was just as gay.
A many-shaded tour-de-force!
Now that I think about it, since you’re lampooning so-called “conservatives” of non-doubt, I’m not really sure whether or not this post would fill Andrew Sullivan’s heart with some sort of ache. Would his gob be smacked in a fashion that is vile? It’s hard to say. We’ll probably have to wait for a reader’s e-mail to hash that out.
But the poem does lack a seasonal reference. Which shows a lack of cultural sensitivity, perhaps on a number of levels.
And what lovely chaps they are, too.
Fruits also include AIDS and STD epidemics, and significantly higher risks of substance abuse, prostate, testicular, and colon cancer, pulmonary diseases – including lung cancer – from higher rates of smoking than in the general population, eating disorders, and anal papilloma. Pretty terrible fruits, one might say.
BRAND NEW from General Foods.
“Fruity Chaps”
Without details, “anal papilloma” sounds particularly awful.
TW: saber this
…
Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.
Dress accordingly.
I think “anal papilloma” is a Spanish expression referring to the annual running of the bulls. I could be wrong.
TaiChiWawa –
referring to the annual running of the bulls.
One of the symptoms, no doubt
Actually, Geezer’s link doesn’t say that gay men are at increased risk for testicular, prostate, or colon cancer. Apparently one key feature of the modern-day conservative is pronounced difficulty in understanding simple sentences.
Smedley, the point is that gay men are less likely to have these cancers detected at an early stage.
Too bad that wasn’t the claim that TheGeezer made.
Too bad. HUGE win for you though, so, props and all.
Attacks like this on Jesus won’t win me a place of honor on that John Hawkins list of worthwhile conservative sites, I can tell you that much.
May have to reassert my conservative bona fides at some point today.
By, say, beating a Mexican gardener with a rake or some such.
Even I will not google that one.
smedley – You are right. I does not increase the risk of cancer, it increases the risk of the cancer being detected in a timely manner, which generally makes it more severe, and more difficult to treat. Excellent nicking of that pit.
John Hawkins is a schmuck.
Jeff,
I did not read it as an attack on Jesus at all. Was it? One problem with so many layers of irony is that the readers and author may see different layers, and in different places. If you’re going to continue to advocate authorial intent, I’m going to have to read more faithfully to ascertain context.
WHY ARE YOU ATTAKING JESUS????
In the days, an hour or two ago, when I thought you were using Jesus’ point of view to poke fun at some conservatives, I wrote a sonnet to add to the poetic chorus here:
“St. Paul Addresses Conservatives on Western Immorality”
They multiply transgressions of the law.
Imagining the darkness light, they twist
God-given wisdom into foolish mist
that leads astray. This gold they turn to straw.
And, not content to maim themselves, they draw
more people to this death-perverted list,
compounding pain, becoming but the grist
for God’s relentless mills, as Moses saw.
But you self-righteous Christian Pharisees,
repent of lovelessness, and from you knees
beg pardon. Jesus, who took our disease
and sin upon himself, reveals the truth and grace
of God. His wrath will fall in its due place.
His love will leave of sin no smallest trace.
Jeff: I get it now. Your remark about “attacking Jesus” is yet one more layer of irony in a literary pastry that makes file dough look lumpen.
T&T
TW: you “walled muckraker” you
I’m an onion, T&T. Fear my layers, for they will bring you nothing but tears.
Or, if you happen to be John Hawkins, a confused look and a quick directive to self to avoid such devilry in the future at all costs.
John Hawkins can lick the SHART stains from my dirty drawers.
Jeff,
I first read your response as “Fear my lawyers, for they will bring you nothing but tears.” Which, of course, lawyers are trained to do.
And, although your oniony layers bring tears, with a little olive oil and garlic they are the start of many fine dishes. Thus they are less to be feared than savoured!
More haiku! Haiku very much.
T&T
A few of my favorite Jesus quotes:
“But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.†(Matthew 5: 39-41)
“. . . Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.†(Matthew 5:34)
“Ye cannot serve God and mammon. 25: Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?†(Matthew 6:24)
“Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. (Matthew 7: 13-14)
“Blessed be ye poor for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are ye that hunger now, for ye shall be filled. Blessed are ye that weep now: for ye shall laugh. But woe unto you that are rich! For ye have received your consolation. Woe unto you that are full! For ye shall hunger. Woe unto you that laugh now! For ye shall mourn and weep.†(Luke 6:20-25)
Being the kind of person who likes to “laugh now” rather than follow the narrow way, I’m not a believer.
How cute, Professor Caric can copy and paste from a Bible. I am surprised his fingers did not burn when he highlighted the passages. I thought only the god-botherers read those things.
Please cut and paste your homophobic HATE elsewhere, moby
well, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised the perfesser is that old. so what? did Jesus steal your girlfriend or something?