Sonnet CXXXVIII.“When my love swears that she is made of truth
| wHEN my love swears that she is made of truth |  |
| I do believe her, though I know she lies, |  |
| That she might think me some untutor’d youth, |  |
| Unlearned in the world’s false subtleties. |  |
| Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young, |          5 |
| Although she knows my days are past the best, |  |
| Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue: |  |
| On both sides thus is simple truth supprest. |  |
| But wherefore says she not she is unjust? |  |
| And wherefore say not I that I am old? |   10 |
| O! love’s best habit is in seeming trust, |  |
| And age in love loves not to have years told: |  |
|   Therefore I lie with her, and she with me, |  |
|   And in our faults by lies we flatter’d be. |
(h/t MeaninglessHotAir at Flares into Darkness)
Jeff’s Gran’s funeral is today: bon voyage.
Yeah … but will you respect me in the morning?
tw: gluttony shafter … pretty much.
Sure, Diana. Just so long as you pretend to respect me, too.
Sardonicism will buy you … oh … about a minute-thirty.
tw: measure striving
No–I mean, you know, convincingly. Otherwise, you might hurt my feeling.
As an ex-girlfriend once explained to me when I asked her why she had lied to me about wanting to “be alone” and then dated another guy that very day “Well, it’s not really a lie if I would have sincerely meant it under other circumstances.”
You would think that I would have gotten mad, but not really. After all, I was banging her best friend.
Woohoo! That’s all the time I’ll need!
BTW, my evil twin posted that. So let’s just keep that on the down low.
Ohhh… not bad. One of the best dump lines I’ve heard was said to a high school friend: “I hope this doesn’t ruin your weekend”.
The absolute best was “I never said how long forever would be”.
TW: “this Librarians”… OK, now THAT is just too freaky.
Rob … TMI
My best was the girl that told me “I’ve been goig to church and praying a lot and I’m not sure that God want’s us to go out any more.” So i closed my eyes and was quite for a second. The I said “No, I just asked him. He said it was ok with him.” She didn’t seem to think that was so funny.
Diana: whats TMI?
Diana – As timmah once said, “here comes 17 seconds of heaven!”
Rob B. … I have photos of you photographing your wife while swimming. Care to dance?
JD … Timmah wouldn’t last that long.
Rob–Too Much Information, I’m pretty sure.
I happened to have the linked article open with another window over it, so that one could see only the header at its top:
Women “lie, cheat and steal” – News
A recently-divorced cow-orker saw it and said, “Yeah, that’s news all right.”
He orks cows? No wonder he’s divorced.
I was going to leave, but I just know that y’all came here to torment me. *** sniff ***
So I’ll stay.
tw: Aptly “opponents warfare”
How does one ork a cow ?
Diana – After 17 seconds of bliss, respect would be the last thing on your mind. LOL
JD–that would be WAY TMI.
Very carefully.
Ahh… TMI… got it…
See, you learn something new every day
That’s a great photo, Diana, she still hates me for that. But, it’s awesome.
Hah! Thank y’all. It was brief, but fulflling.
No … I’m not going to fix the typo … fulflling is your new word of the day.
Fluffilling!
Fluffilling Puffery!
Ric will be right along to chastise us.
Thank you, nellie, and may I have another?
Orking is what you do after a successful tipping.
Or so I’ve been told.
McGehee;
Does one have to be a Scottish git to ork a tipped cow?
Just askin’…
Dislocated a shoulder in a drunken attempt at cow tipping. Clearly not one of my finer moments. When you wake up with a dislocated shoulder, covered in cow shit, you might have a drinking problem …
Git is one of my all-time favorite words.
JD;
I’d suggest outpatient treatment for your drinking problem as you were of sound enough mind not to ork the tipped cow.
Unless… Hmmmmmmm …
Or just really strange friends.
I thought tipping came after orking? Anticpatory tipping would seem rather outre.
I think that if you can get someone to videotape such episodes, then every time you feel like drinking just pop it into the DVD player and remind yourself why you don’t drink anymore . . .
I think Johnny Knoxville orked a cow on Jackass. Even a mental midget like him knew better than to take a 30 yard running start and try to tip a cow with a flying cross body block.
Rob C – good point.
Dan – That is exactly right. I have saved the mental image of that night, amongst others. Sometimes I will apparently laugh for no reason, because I reminisced on something like that. Other times, I laugh just because I am an idiot.
I often wake myself up laughing. Something really strange happens in one of my dreams, and I think to myself, “Wait. How did that happen?” Then I think, “Oh! I’m dreaming.” And then I think, “But why the fuck did my brain do that?” And I wake myself up laughing.
I wake myself up farting. Loudly. Which prompts a burst of laughter. Which wakes up my wife, either that or the smell. Which prompts her to smack me in the head. Which prompts me to laugh even harder. Dutch oven.
No, but it probably helps.
Just don’t try it while simultaneously shagging a sheep.
– You guys/girls are giving Caric the lesser yet another adjective to hang on us, and personally I refuse to set still for:
BOVINIST!
– Or in McGehee’s case, I guess it would be EWEIST!….
TW: Mounted briefly …. Oh nevermind
BBH … sure, but where else can you slide the slippery slope from lying ho’s to orking cows?
Duke University? (work with me here)
Diana – You simply have not lived life until you have either orked a cow, or been orked by a cow (depends on your plumbing) ;-)
Sage advice JD. If I ever find myself in Omaha on a slow Saturday night, I’ll try to make sure its clear to the locals that I’m an Orker, and not an Orkee.
TW: seat sensations – Collins must be messin’ with the machine again….
See, at times I have the wisdom of Solomon. Other times, dummer than a bocks of rox.
When in doubt, it is probably less painful to be the ork-er, as opposed to the ork-ee.
JD … I hate to tell you this, but cows are only plumbed one way.
This is like the running of the bulls.
Diana – See, I learned somthing new. I had no idea.
Dammit! I had a really great line about “horns”.
– Let me guess….something about horny plumbing driving the herd….
If we are talking about longhorns, it is absolutely positively better to be the ork-er than the ork-ee. Ouch.