Search






Jeff's Amazon.com Wish List

Archive Calendar

November 2024
M T W T F S S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930  

Archives

Olbermann to Benedict XVI: "You Ceased To Be Pope

when you reinstated the Latin Mass.” [Dan Collins]

As St. Francis of Assissi said once, “I did not vote for him, but he is Il Papa.” And those of us who are not even Roman Catholic watched in happy anticipation as the white smoke went up from the Conclave of Cardinals, even though we knew that the fix was in.

When you made your intemperate comments about the Byzantine Emperor and the Turkish Pasha, we fervently hoped you would retract them before outraged Muslims killed anybody, which you were slow to do. When you fast-tracked the sanctification of your predecessor, we were appalled at the nepotism, but we held our tongues. This time you have gone too far.

Latin was the language of a conquering race whose greed for territory and unilateral international interventionism is fabled in history. It has cases and declensions that the great majority of people the world over no longer understand. It is not the lingua franca, Most Supposedly Holy Father, but the language of a bizarre clique of likely pedophiles in strange garb who speak mumbo-jumbo over flat pieces of bread and cheap domestic wine to “transubstantiate” them into the putative body and blood of somebody who may or may not have existed 2 millenia ago in some jerkwater colony of the Empire–a claim that’s never been scientifically proved.

Catholic, supposedly Christian nations subsequently invaded the so-called New World and imposed unspeakable horrors on the native inhabitants, whose once-proud traditions have been supplanted by monstrosities such as American Football, which depicts the violent territorial aggression of the untutored volk who still somehow cling to power, despite my best efforts, in this benighted country that is supposed to be “united.” Ugly transmitter stations and space junk beam the pap that these backwoods hicks eagerly lap to the flatscreen TVs that they purchase with the undeserved wealth that the capital markets squeeze out of poverty-stricken indigenes across the globe.

If I weren’t so certain that I performed a tremendous service to the world by broadcasting my message of hope and tolerance to the afflicted, I’d ask for half my salary to be sent to war-ravaged regions of the world and move to a small mountain cot in a sunny dell in West Virginia where lambs gambol and bleat, making more sense than Bill O’Reilly, who is the devil personified, but not, at least, a drug addicted fascist like Rush Limbaugh.

In fact, I AM POPE! How do you like them apples, Mr. Vatican Guy? I am your SPIRITUAL SUPERIOR, Mr. Shoes of the Fisherman! BITE ME, you pontifical putz!

(Crossposted from Bloody Scott)

RELATED: Fed up with crappy interstates, some won’t pay tolls. Also, Fed up with crappy schools, some won’t pay property taxes.

26 Replies to “Olbermann to Benedict XVI: "You Ceased To Be Pope”

  1. ef says:

    That powerful display of tolerance brought a tear to my eye. Why stop at pope; He just might me God. /sarcasm

  2. N. O'Brain says:

    Next up: Mohammed.

  3. N. O'Brain says:

    And as a pretty a-religious person, I’d like to say I find these comments despicable and hateful.

    KA is insane.

  4. dorkafork says:

    It is nearly July 4th, Mr. Bush, the commemoration of the moment we Americans decided that rather than live under a King who made up the laws, or erased them, or ignored them — or commuted the sentences of those rightly convicted under them — we would force our independence, and regain our sacred freedoms.

    “You know who else pardoned people? Hitler.”

  5. TheGeezer says:

    Do I misunderstand dorkafork? Or is he really an ignorant asshole?

  6. TheGeezer says:

    Oh, and Keith Olbermann is a pandering useful idiot. If what he said mattered, I’d care.

  7. Dan Collins says:

    Geez–You misunderstand Dorkafork. That there’s what they call ‘irony.’

  8. Henry says:

    What’s always way more depressing to me than this douchebag’s ignorance and self-righteousness is the fellatio going on in the comments. This guy has the balls to get pissed off over the fact that a guy still has to pay a quarter-million dollar fine for lying about a non-crime, while Sandy Burger gets probation for destroying classified documents (and not even getting charged with perjury), and these sycophants eat it up. Yay idiocy!

  9. B Moe says:

    “Do I misunderstand dorkafork? Or is he really an ignorant asshole?”

    Both.
    ;p

  10. I think its time to give Olbermann a rabies test.

  11. Chris says:

    Look on the bright side–at least he managed to keep his man-crush on O’Reilly subsumed for about five minutes there.

  12. Spiny Norman says:

    Olberdouche needs professional help. Someone should tell him Invincible Ignorance is no virtue.

  13. Jim C. says:

    He’s not ignorant. I’d like to think he knows what he’s saying, but it’s obvious he’s consumed in megalomania and hate.

  14. Bender Bending Rodriguez says:

    Keith Olbermann? Is that thing still around?

  15. Bender Bending Rodriguez says:

    By the way, from now on, I’m going to write like Keith.

    Because that makes me look smart to the BDSers.

    Very smart.

    It almost makes them forget that I’m just a sports broadcaster whose primary contributions to journalism are calling three-point shots by saying “Bang!” and making fun of the name of a former Italian goalkeeper.

    Gianluca.

    Pagliuca.

    And with this high-school double-spacing trick, I can make a few rudimentary musings take up the length of an entire screen.

    That’s right.

    A whole, entire screen.

    And complete sentences are for d-bags.

    The “D” is for “douche.”

    “Douchebag.”

    Good night.

    And.

    Good.

    Luc.

    K.

  16. nikkolai says:

    Keith Olbermann should go back to his former job as “fluffer” for the gay film industry. The bigger male actors said he was the best.

  17. MarkD says:

    They’ll have fun with his obituary: Olbermann, intolerable sportscaster, lousy lay, deranged political commentator, papal advisor.

  18. timb says:

    Comment by Henry on 7/7 @ 7:04 pm #

    “What’s always way more depressing to me than this douchebag’s ignorance and self-righteousness is the fellatio going on in the comments. This guy has the balls to get pissed off over the fact that a guy still has to pay a quarter-million dollar fine for lying about a non-crime, while Sandy Burger gets probation for destroying classified documents (and not even getting charged with perjury), and these sycophants eat it up. Yay idiocy!”

    Scooter’s defense fund, all $5 million dollars of it, hjad little trouble paying that fine two days post-commutation.

    That was quite a punishment.

    Oh, and the anti-gay slurs!?! Nice work, PW commenters. We make America proud.

  19. Yackums says:

    The interesting thing about this is that the comments totally give the lie to one of Olbermann’s main premises: That George W. Bush was, at any time, President of the entire United States. It’s obvious that half the country never accepted him as their president from the first minute (Olbermann probably among them). Had they instead gone the John Wayne route as quoted, nobody would be accusing Bush of “lying” about anything. Being incompetent, maybe…but the motives Olbermann attributes to Bush, Cheney et al. uncover the sheer galling disingenuousness at the root of this “Special Comment”.

  20. Dan Collins says:

    Thanks, tim, but save a little bit of your outrage for Prof. Ric Caric, please.

    Comment by Ric Caric on 7/7 @ 5:09 pm # |Edit This

    Many possibilities with Fred Thompson:

    Maybe Thompson’s a lesbian. Certainly, if you applied the sexual language generally used in relation to women, Fred Thompson would be a “slut” given his sexual promiscuity as a lobbyist. Given that his wife Jeri kind of looks like a slut (isn’t that the equation–trophy wife=slut), that would make it their marriage a lesbian relation. Talk about social progress. Would Fred be a “bull dyke?”

    But, maybe Fred’s just a gay man. In fact, using Ann Coulter’s criteria for saying that guys are homosexual if they have a lot of promiscuous sex, you’d have to say that Fred is definitely gay. That makes you wonder if his marriage to Jerri is a sham marriage like Mitch McConnell’s marriage to Elaine Chao is supposed to be (Dems in Kentucky have assumed that McConnell was gay for a long time).

    But I see that Fred and his blushing bride have had a couple future lobbyists. It’s nice to know some things stay in the family.
    It’s nice to see that Fr

  21. B Moe says:

    Would you say the good professor is homophobic or homophrenic, Dan? Because he seems just a bit obsessed about it, don’t you think?

  22. What amazes me is that anyone actually pays attention to anything Olbermann says.

  23. ushie says:

    …Dan, the good professor said that??? Women’s Studies really does make you crazy…but I’m much better now. The medication and therapy helps.

  24. blaster says:

    I was flipping channels and ran across this thing – seriously – and amazed that he didn’t flick spittle on the camera – his rage over a commutation was just, well, unhinged.

  25. timb says:

    Dan, I will certainly do so. Way to address, as always, the substance of the comment.

    Which thread does that drivel appear. I would like to make snide comments about it.

Comments are closed.