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Best Headline–Evah! [Dan Collins]

HERO CABBIE: I KICKED BURNING TERRORIST SO HARD IN BALLS THAT I TORE A TENDON

“He didn’t even flinch. I couldn’t believe he didn’t go down.”

I think the lesson here is that before you smeat a jihadi flambe in the melting brass cojones, stretch.

UPDATE: Dammit, some guy calling himself Instapundit said pretty much the same thing about the headline, yesterday.

15 Replies to “Best Headline–Evah! [Dan Collins]”

  1. McGehee says:

    before you smeat a jihadi flambe

    If I look, will I find “smeat” in the urban dictionary?

  2. Dan Collins says:

    Yeah, but it’s a lameass definition. You could add this one, though.

  3. ahem says:

    Och, that’s the kind of headline that makes me want to paint my face blue.

  4. jon says:

    Only stretch if it is a regular part of your exercise program. I remember hearing about a study of runners where some stretched all the time, some never, and some did sometimes. It was the “sometimes” group that had the most injuries.

    But be sure to consult a British doctor who isn’t a terrorist before starting any exercise program.

  5. I once tore a hamstring that way.

  6. Bender Bending Rodriguez says:

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: You have got to love the Scots.

    How do they show their gratitude to Smeaton for tackling one of the terrorists (and for giving them their new city motto: “Glasgow does nae accept it. Come to Glasgow and we’ll set about ye.”)? They tip-jar the airport Holiday Inn bar to the tune of GBP3600 to pay for his next 1200 pints of beer. Which, knowing the Weegies, will last him about three months.

  7. Major John says:

    “I once tore a hamstring that way.”

    You kicked a terrorist in the wedding tackle?!

    Wow, the closest I ever came to hand to hand combat was tackling a guy trying to loot a truck fully of Humantarian Assistance supplies. Well, that and the time the Afghan militia dude stuck an AK in my chest – he was nervous. I became so.

  8. Dan Collins says:

    I dunno, Major John. I think I would have helped stomp him out.

  9. McGehee says:

    You could add this one, though.

    ‘Tis done. We’ll see if it ever gets posted.

  10. Dan Collins says:

    McGehee–in case it’s not posted, how did you define it?

  11. McGehee says:

    As best I can remember:

    (verb) — to kick in the gonads, esp. if the target is a flaming Middle Eastern physician who has just tried to blow up a Scottish airport.

    “He came at me screaming, “Allah akhbar!” — so I smeated him so hard I tore a tendon in my hip.”

  12. Dan Collins says:

    When I make the land of Egypt a desolation, And the land is destitute of that which filled it, When I smeat all those who live in it, Then they shall know that I am the LORD.
    –Amen, I say, brothers and sisters: That which the Lord hath smeaten, let it remain smat, lest the Lord of Hosts visit His wrath upon them who repudiate His judgment.

  13. Will he be asking an NHS doctor to take care of that?

  14. Dan Collins says:

    As a matter of fact, Patrick, if he’s still alive, he’s being treated at the same hospital that used to employ him.

  15. Actually, I was asking about tendon-guy…

    That said, you just opened another thought: burned-flattened-ball-guy, and tendon-guy being treated in the same NHS hospital….

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