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A post that explores what life might be like if oatmeal could speak, 11

oatmeal:  “The Cream of Wheat man?  An affirmative action hire, no doubt in my mind.  I mean, the guy can’t even boil his own water, for Chrissakes—and he wouldn’t know kasha if it showed up at his door wearing a sign saying, ‘Hello, I’m FUCKING KASHA.”

“Of course, you didn’t hear any of this from me…”

26 Replies to “A post that explores what life might be like if oatmeal could speak, 11”

  1. Rob B. says:

    Well, if the Malt O’ Meal wasn’t so damn lazy we’d have had the TPS reports hours ago.

  2. The Deacon says:

    Now Grits on the other hand, he’s a badass.

  3. Dan Collins says:

    Steel cut.  It’s manlier.

  4. happyfeet says:

    Ah, kasha. It reminds me of my homeland…

  5. Squid says:

    What, no link to Love Missle’s site?

  6. mojo says:

    See, that’s why I never hang with the rolled oats. Too gossipy.

  7. cranky-d says:

    The oatmeal seems a bit confrontational for a Quaker.  Must be apostate oatmeal.

  8. TODD says:

    Raisins, don’t forget the raisins….

  9. Dan Collins says:

    Thing is, though, if you want to know what oatmeal would sound like if it could speak, you could always just go visit Andrew.

  10. happyfeet says:

    Oatmeal is a complex carbohydrate, Dan.

  11. Dan Collins says:

    All right.  But do you ever see oatmeal flavored with oatmeal?  Huh?  Do ya?

  12. McGehee says:

    All’s I know is, when my oatmeal starts talking, either it’s been in the cupboard too long, or I’m not awake enough yet to tell the difference between it and the Rice Krsipies.

  13. happyfeet says:

    No. Good point. But Andrew is more of a nice, fruity sugar, to my mind anyway.

  14. Steve B says:

    Oatmeal, for me, is just too fraught with such moral judgementalism.  Breakfast shouldn’t be so laden with conflict.  I find it all just too….grueling.

  15. mojo says:

    “A bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down – and won.”

  16. Al Maviva says:

    Ah, screw oatmeal.  I love my boy Kashi Good Friends.  Despite the fact that the little feller is a raving left wing bastard with impossibly diverse ‘good friends’ pictured on the cover, he cleans out my guts better than five gallons of Dago Red and a couple fat pre-embargo Montecristos.  Plus, when the neighbors see me buying Kashi, they assume I’m like-minded, well-intentioned and gentle liberal folk just like they are, and they abstain from keying my truck.

  17. Patrick says:

    Kasha?  You’re on a real Russian kick today.  I liked kasha in Russia, but I can’t seem to make it the way I liked it.

    happyfeet, вы русский?

  18. Andrew says:

    You have not tasted Kasha until you have tasted in in the original Klingon.

  19. Robert says:

    Cream of Wheat Man’s name was Rastus.

    http://www.prmuseum.com/kendrix/trinity.html

  20. McGehee says:

    Patrick, maybe you’re not using the right brand of googoo.

  21. McGehee says:

    You have to ask for it by name. Don’t be shy shy.

  22. furriskey says:

    Oatmeal: “A little yeast at the right time, and I coulda bin a contender”

  23. Patrick says:

    McGehee,

    Eye to eye.

  24. Patrick says:

    original Klingon

    Does this mean you can’t see the font?

  25. furriskey says:

    Nyet

  26. happyfeet says:

    Oh – babelfish helped me out there, P – no, no, I am not Russian at all, I come from Texas, a true American.

    I read, much of the night.

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