In a heartening grassroots pushback against our HOA’s attempt to forcibly enact its execrable “Approved Shed Size Reform Bill”—which, while granting “amnesty” to those homeowners who have already skirted the covenant policy and built outsized monstrosities, would deny those of us wanting slightly larger sheds the ability to go beyond the 8x8x10’ template now available to us without first signing on to an onerous “guest shed usage program,” the specifics of which we are, frankly, too freakin’ lazy to untangle—a few of the neighbors and I have formed a political action group to protest what we believe to be hideous HOA board policy.
—Which right now basically amounts to us getting liquored up together in my basement before throwing rocks and handfuls of mulch at the houses of board members, then running away and hiding in nearby shrubbery—but we’re hopeful that our cause will generate enough sympathetic interest that we’ll soon be able to purchase a shitload of spray paint, and maybe even one of them Mexican tagger kids, who I understand can be had for $1.50 an hour and a sixer of Tecate cans, or straight up for a 1988 Cutlass.
Developing…
Fight the power, baybee!
Man, your taggers work cheap.
STICK IT TO THE MAN!
Hey Hey Ho Ho
Our big sheds will not go!
Hey Hey there HOA
Persecute many sheds today?
Patron Silver for everyone!
Your on a roll today Jeff! I am thinking of finding my reading glasses and cancelling some meetings. I was looking for an excuse to avoid these meetings because the 1983 Fonseca Vintage Port I recieved as a gift has been calling to me from the rack since last evening.
Given this recent story:
http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/local/article/0,1299,DRMN_15_5552769,00.html
perhaps you could rethink you options in flining material.
Might be time to go underground, dude.
But leave my name out of it, capiche?
The simple answer is to hire some kids from a nearby town to run their dirtbikes into the biggest shed in town. I’m sure there will be a fire, but your best bet is to pull the thing down by running a cable to the back of a pickup. You’ll have to disguise the pickup, or better yet, hire the fire department to do it with a fire engine. Promise them a gazebo with a kegerator built-in for the beef and beers, they’ll go for it.
Once the shed comes down, the HOA will naturally start cracking down on everything right? Dirt bikes, big sheds, and especially kids from other neighborhoods. Well, what you do is run for HOA president, get the fire dept to get out the vote for you, then annex the neighborhood the kids came from! Then you can store all your shit in their sheds!
In the meantime you get to make your giant elephant mailbox the neighborhood standard and you can force everyone to take down any Dallas Cowboys banners, flags or whatever, even if it’s hanging in the garage because what the hell, you live in Colorado, right? Cowboy fans should live in Texas, and only a small part of it.
You can do this and no one will know as long as they don’t know how to use Google.
You can have all my local taggers, if you want. If I had my way, we’d have a shoot on sight permit for grafitti artists, and a bounty for their hands or something. As long as the bounty’s enough to pay for the ammo and the recip saw blades, it’s good to go.
8x8x10 ? Don’t those facists at the HOA know how many filthy , freeze-dried hobos you’ve got laying around ?
Let’s see High Schools, HOAs; what’s up next to round out the petty tyranny trifecta?
One of the happiest days in my life was getting away from a HOA (you think it’s sad, but try living in one of those Potemkin villages for awhile).
Jeff – Don’t forget to get the trash can out of public view ASAP. Or, you know, they’ll submit an IMPORTANT ACTION ALERT to you via mail. Foget the fact that your neighbor has three cars, none of which he can fit into his garage.
kevin,
Do you live in the house I used to? I never thought I’d have trouble parking my car in the freakin’ suburbs.
Just to suck the funny out of the room, I was wondering if those HOA agreements have any teeth to them. Can you get sued for violating them, or are they just a way for someone to browbeat you severely? Have they stood up in court?
’65 Impala Coupe
Trust me on this. They’ll slit their own mother’s throats for one o’ them classic Chevys in good shape, dude.
Have they stood up in court?
Yes.
Came back from Vegas two years ago and the dipshits from my HOA cut down a 70 ft. fir tree in my yard. Clearly in my yard. Cost those hosers 12 thou. They can suck it. Long time.
Nice analogy. Or is it a metaphor? I get those confused.
Jeff
Have you considered two sheds ? Then we could call Jeff “two sheds” Goldstein.
Jeff,you could always move to Florida and find a nice HOA to rule over with an iron fist. or so my mom tells me…something about “did the house with the Israeli flag get a letter? no, I think not”
HOA ?
Home Owners Association.
My neighbor just shelled out four grand to our HOA, including court fees, for being late on their HOA dues twice.