Canada Seeks Man With Groin-Kick Request
Posted: May. 28 12:45 p.m.
GUELPH, Ontario  Police in Ontario are looking for a man who allegedly approached women and asked them to kick him in the groin.
Three women reported similar incidents to police over the past two months, and two of the women reported the suspect was on a bicycle. None of the women reported injuries.
Police Sgt. Cate Welsh said Monday the man’s request is not a crime, but they are concerned nonetheless.
“That kind of behavior tends to be a precursor to sexual assault. That’s what we’re trying to determine,” Welsh said.
You know, I’m starting to worry more about Oliver.
UPDATE: Lindsay Lohan calls friend “Lesbian” in public dispute: clearly time for rehab
UPDATE x2:
I got this French spam from a t-shirt company this morning:
Accompanying text:
“Le plaisir peut s’appuyer sur l’illusion,
mais le bonheur repose sur la réalité.” Chamfort
Accepterez vous de voir cette réalité ?
Because, you know–the US gets the bulk of its energy from nuclear.
Canadians.
Now, I know sexual assault is about violence rather than sex, but a swift kick in the groin is incapacitating. Bent over, catching your breath, waiting for that horrid pain to stop is hardly the way to start an assault.
</blockquote>Bent over, catching your breath, waiting for that horrid pain to stop<blockquote>
Pretty much sums up every high school date I ever had.
And I didn’t even have to ride a bike in Canada!
I’m just remembering that Beavis and Butt-head episode: “Now kick me in the jimmy!
So dating is illegal in Canada?
Oliver Willis!
Like Ring Dings to a Bran Muffin!
Somebody should tip them off that the man is probably a U.S. State Department employee. The propensity for being on the toe-end of groin kicks would explain our North Korea and Iran policies.
That’ll fix it!
Dan I want my three minutes back.
Seriously, where does Oliver find time to write that kind of drivel ? How can you type with a HoHo in one hand and a Ring Ding in the other ?
No word on how many women complied?
Why do reporters so often miss the most important facts?
Canadian police “looking for” a man who has committed no crime, and enlisting the media’s help?
If this happened in America it’d be A Mark Of The Coming Bush Police State!
Send the stupid canuck a link to Amanda’s and be done with it, fercrissakes.
So, did he find any takers? The article doesn’t seem to say.
Me, being the obliging sort when it comes to other people’s pain, I’d have punted his nads down the block, then said “have a nice day.”
My cousins would have said “Happy to oblige” and let loose.
By the time they were done he’d be a candidate for a special Darwin Award – given to the man who has removed himself from the gene pool without actually having to die. Merely wishing he did.
Darwin Awards … Good stuff ! Hours of amusement.
Dan Savage could probably offer a lead.
BECAUSE OF THE DESSERTS !!!!!
Sincerely,
Oliver “Pork Rinds – They are not just for breakfast anymore” Willis
Excuse me miss, I don’t mean to sound like a jerk
But I’m feel just a little stressed out from work
Could you punch me in the stomach and pull my hair
Spit on me, maybe gouge my eyes out…there
Maybe our perp is an Eminem fan.
I’m aware that I’ve been insulted—that’s what French is for—but somebody needs to explain to me just how I’ve been insulted.
Regards,
Ric
Ric,
Loosely translated (which, I think, is how French ought to be translated), I believe it says that “you can get your grins from illusion, but happiness depends on reality.”–Chamfort
Will you look upon this reality?
But furriskey can verify that.
Thanks, Dan. That’s what I thought I’d puzzled out.
Still not sure what a radiation symbol, Mickey Mouse, and happy fish have to do with anything. Guess I’m not nuanced enough.
Regards,
Ric
Lucky bastard.
Now, Dan, you know that won’t do.
Elucidate. You don’t want me sending Billybob over there to reason with you.
Regards,
Ric
In lieu of furriskey, I’ll vouch for your loose translation. I can also vouch for the fact that this shirt is meant to be worn with a large scarf and at least one piece of hippy flair (peace sign button, anti-bush taunt, etc). And “chamfort” translates to “chamfer” which is a cant put in a concrete beam or column to prevent spalling while the concrete shrinks due to the curing process.
Jeffersonian—dammit, you beat me to it.
I’m getting a pro-nuclear message here. And it is a bit of an embarrassment that France is so nuclear while we burn fossil fuels.
If this is leftist, they’ve come full circle, snuck up behind the rational people, and stolen their argument.
How dare you accuse me of speaking French?
Is that a genuine picture of Oliver Willis? Hard to believe that anyone who looked like that would publicise the fact. Sort of sly but smug, like I imagine Snowball in Animal Farm.
As for Mr Lohan
Beats me. What was he in for?
furriskey – The pic of O-Dub had to be taken with an extra-wide angle lens.
BECAUSE OF THE GIRTH !
How is it possible to translate a French phrase without the use of the phrase “cheese eating surrender monkeys” ? Just askin …
I believe the proper translation to be “You can get your grins from illusion, but happiness is a good old-fashioned surrender”, or something to that effect.