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Wolf Whistles & Shiny Happy Beaver [Dan Collins]

A funny thing happened with that Naomi Wolf piece that I mentioned yesterday.  It was apparently mentioned in another article, and then picked up by one of the ladies at Pandagon as though it were current, when in fact, as Althouse points out, it is 4 years old.  I picked it up, and Yglesias picked it up, and Amanda shows up in Althouse’s comments.  You know, I thought that Wolf was trying to be funny when she said she was 40 years old.

Anyway, all of that prompted some interesting, er . . . cogitations from thor:

If it’s just me say so, but when I read Naomi’s discription of young, fresh trimmed-up snapper I felt a mildly woodish reflex tighten the front of my jeans.  Not full wood discomfort or anything like that, Naomi narrating insured that, but for a brief moment I swear I felt a slight tightening in the denim. 

Young beaver.  Happy beaver.  Wet beaver meets warm towel.  Just soaped and washed and cleaned.  Pat dry.  Pat dry the coiffed just cleaned beaver.  Washed, budding, refreshed, oh so rosey fresh.  Sans Naomi’s tangly thatchet of weeds.  Not anywhere on a springtime fresh beaver.  Wild curly locks, never.  It’s so young and clean it giggles.  Happy to be a beaver.  To be clean.  Young.  Fresh.  Smiling.  With a sassy haircut.

Which is, in my book, a paragon of whatever sort of composition that is–pooter paean?  So far, he does seem the only one.  But in case any of you need a reminder of what beavers do to wood:

And then, of course, it’s converted to a domicile.  So you could say that they domesticate wood.  Just a thought on extending the metaphor.

10 Replies to “Wolf Whistles & Shiny Happy Beaver [Dan Collins]”

  1. N. O'Brain says:

    Well, Dan, I never metaphor I didn’t like.

    TW: making49 doesn’t quite do it.

  2. Serr8d says:

    Yea, the slapping of the beaver tail…what a way to wake up, the woods’ alarm cloacae.

    Better than a rooster, lemme tell ya…

    less65, more69

  3. JD says:

    Nothing the matter with a little beaver and a little tail in the morning.  Just sayin’

  4. thor says:

    Wow, look at all the weirdos babbling about structuralist mysteries of coital ferocity.

    I’m on campus every other day. Yeah, OK, I’m talking in Florida (the runaways’ rest stop), but it’s gotta be pretty much the same everywhere.  Ubiquitous ass is in play.  And there’s some decent looking chicks who’ll tag any dude with a grin.

    You naver know.  Naomi may have many conflicting earth tones in her multi-layered labia and a Susan Sontag gray streak in her pubis shrubbery.  That’ll bring any man up for air long enough to head out the door.  Then again, if anyone does know, I’m all ears.

  5. Mike says:

    And people laugh when I tell ‘em those things have teeth. And then walk away from me quickly, looking apprehensively back over their shoulders. This oughta show ‘em.

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