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Minimalism and its Discontents

If anyone is still reading this trainwreck, please note that I’ll be posting very lightly over the next couple of days.  Tomorrow morning I travel south for a court date arising from my unfortunate run-ins with a certain former “you-knee-verse-it-tee” teacher (or, if you prefer, “non-tenured pee-ache-dee!”), so today I have to pore over old screen shots and the like.  I’ll be gone the entire day tomorrow.

So, if some of you with access wish to take up the slack, please feel free.  Otherwise, we can simply regard the blank space with ironic detachment—which, now that I think about it, might not be such a bad plan.

If I can figure out a way to frame it and get it into a Soho gallery, I can probably make a mint.  I’ll call it “Totalitarianism’s Lament”—you know, play to those wealthy postmodern art aficionados who like to rake their eyes over urine-dunked crucifixes and dung paintings while simultaneously decrying the fascism of a Christian Conservative Nation that keeps them, well, decrying fascism in wine-drenched chat circles at Soho galleries (where, not coincidentally, my piece should bring in a boatload of hipster ka-ching!).

Of course, I’d have to change my name.  But it might be kinda cool going around calling myself “Trout Fishing in America, Shorty.”

Just spitballing here, though.

33 Replies to “Minimalism and its Discontents”

  1. Challeron says:

    Good luck, Jeff; you deserve a lot better than you’ve been getting.

    (Say: Does a trainwreck need a conductor?…)

  2. Major John says:

    I hope all goes well.

  3. TheGeezer says:

    What a pain.  And the expense.  Best of luck!

  4. mojo says:

    Give ‘em hell.

    Which reminds me:

    WAR CZAR??! What the fuck is a war czar, George? Are you NUTS??!

    Ok, I’m done. Carry on.

    Sorry about the spittle.

  5. happyfeet says:

    every journey needs a journal

    or something

  6. Scooter (not libby) says:

    I certainly lament the passing of the time-honored tradition of settling disagreements via the DUEL.  If we can’t go back to good old-fashioned fatal shootings/stabbings, can’t we at least get Jeff and Phucking Douchebag (PhD) in the Octagon?  I know who my money’d be on, and the PPV would generate more hipster revenue than any pretentious art gallery circuit wine-and-cheese.

  7. Alice H says:

    Good luck! 

    I’d be tempted to go down to the courthouse to watch the implosion, but I’d have to bring the kiddos along, and I don’t want her to have the opportunity to latch on to any other youngsters – the world is a dangerous enough place for them already.

    My kids are so cute that no one within 500 feet can resist them, anyway :D

  8. Swen Swenson says:

    Good luck, Jeff!

    TW: number94. Actually, I’d recommend a Number 6! Go a-ridin’ into town..

  9. TODD says:

    Go in guns ablazing Jeff!! Give her hell….

  10. Nick Byram says:

    Go get ‘em, Jeff.

    Here, karmic punishment does apply. Imagine you know who in a room with a gang of Muslim prison converts….

  11. JD says:

    It is truly unfortunate that you and your family have to deal with this.  Best of luck !

  12. CraigC says:

    ….a whoopin’ and a hollerin’…..

    Don’t you think this is a bit dangerous, Jeff? You do remember that I have access, right?

  13. Pablo says:

    I feel you pain, Jeff. Lunatic women and courts are no way to be spending your time.

  14. N. O'Brain says:

    Just spitballing here, though.

    The truly ironic thing, in a detached sort of way, is that Jeff’s spitballs are smarter than most leftists.

    Which is why I come here.

    Well, that and the pie.

    Wear a suit, Jeff. And a tie.

  15. TallDave says:

    Patriarchist bastard.

  16. mishu says:

    Best of luck Jeff.

  17. ThePolishNizel says:

    Good Luck Jeff.

  18. Phinn says:

    I’d go with “The Progressive’s Lament” myself. 

    The Soho crowd doesn’t think of itself as a bunch of left-over totalitarians.  They’ll think you’re talking about someone else.  You have to hit them where they live.

  19. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Well, Phinn, the blankness of the pixelated canvas, titled Totalitarian’s Lament, suggests that totalitarianism, ironically, has no lament—and is instead perfectly at home in the modern day KRISTIANIST AMERIKKKA under Bush and the Dark Lord Rove.

    It’s precisely the kind of thing they’d have to explain.  Which is why they’d dig it, I think.

    But hush.  We’re giving too much away…

  20. harrison says:

    Good luck and don’t let the bastards get you down.

  21. Blue Hen says:

    Best of luck.

  22. Kick some pee-ache-dee ass Seabass!

  23. klrfz1 says:

    For act 2 you can suspend “Totalitarian’s Lament” in a vast right wing container of urine. Call it “Piss Totalitarian’s Lament”. Using neocon urine will mean no leftist can ever duplicate your artistic vision. I bid $25,000 sight unseen.

    Good luck at the courthouse. I hope you have one of those smart, tough, vicious lawyers.

  24. Percy Dovetonsils says:

    Wear a suit, Jeff. And a tie.

    And pants, for godsakes. 

    Seriously, good luck and bring home a scalp around which we savages can whoop and dance.

  25. McGehee says:

    Hmmm. Suit. Tie. Pants.

    I think we may be onto something here.

    Dare I add a suggestion: shoes?

    Or is that over the top?

    I can never tell.

  26. ccs says:

    Good luck Jeff.

    Did someone mention pie?

  27. thor says:

    I’ll take 20 to 1 she’ll be outside the courthouse dressed up as a mime wearing big red shoes handing out black balloons.

    Call it a hunch.

  28. Cythen says:

    Best of luck, Jeff!  Make sure to wear leather and eat a steak beforehand – you know, to help you fully immerse into your hypermasculine role.

  29. Bill D. Cat says:

    Stay hard man , you’re in the right .

  30. furriskey says:

    post lightly, for you post upon my dreams..

  31. Brett says:

    “Compelling state interest” theory is a method the judiciary uses to ignore the constitution.  Whenever I hear those words, I know the debate is over and the coercion will continute or begin.

  32. largenfirm says:

    Word on the street is that pee-ach-dee decided to skip her court date, today.

    TW:

    It is common64 knowledge that this behavior results in summary judgement!

    Seems apropos.

    Kirk

  33. Lurking Observer says:

    Jeff:

    Hope the court proceedings went well (or at least as well as these things ever do).

Comments are closed.