oatmeal: “For the last time, they’re not ‘seeds of Christ.’ They’re frickin’ raisins. Jesus—I think that Quaker getup is really starting to mess with your head, Friend.”
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Hey, didn’t I tell you kids to get out of my yard?! I warned you I’d shoot!
This is Wilford Brimley for Grady’s Oats.
Yeah! And what’s with all the “thee” and “thou” shit, anyway?
Hahahaha! As if oatmeal doesn’t talk!
When American Poetry goes bad:
Whose woods these are, I think you know.
I saw you with your hunting bow.
I’m faster on the trigger, though.
Bad, oh yes, bad.
Wait, in which sense were you using the word…?
tw: arms11 – I think I’m being mocked.
Got your solution:
Scott’s Porridge Oats
http://www.amazon.com/Scotts-Porridge-Oats-500g/dp/B000JL0NDO
The accent will just make them harder to understand.
Is there a medical91 reason you’re eating oatmeal in the first place?
Whew, you had me going there with Jesus’ seed and all. I could just about hear Dan Brown saying “I told you so”, off-camera.
Did someone named M*rcotte help write this post?
I don’t say you need to “respect” metaphorical raisins that don’t infringe upon your rights. But you should tolerate them.
Which doesn’t mean you can’t deny them on rational grounds (something which doesn’t really trouble leaps of faith, though). Just seems a bit needlessly presumptuous, is all I’m saying.
Be that as it may, with a lot of the brown sugar being deployed to the tollhouse cookies, I’m concerned that the brown sugar will not be able to respond in a timely fashion to the oatmeal………….if another bowl of oatmeal were to occur, that is. THE BROWN SUGAR IS STRETCHED TOO THIN!!!
syrup: “You tell him, oaty! Now, if I could just get Aunt Jemima to stop demanding reparations on behalf of the oppressed maple trees…”
Oatmeal: “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! DON’T EAT ME!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
Nah. Just make oatmeal chocolate-chip cookies instead of tollhouse.
Oatmeal, you haven’t been right since we figured out how to cook you in the microwave.
That’s your strategy? That’s not a strategy.
Oatmeal is really lumpy when it’s cold. The gag reflexes kick in pretty fast.
funny…this is what my girlfriend says about me….
Depends on the objective. HOW CAN I GIVE YOU A SATISFACTORY STRATEGY WHEN YOU HAVEN’T DEFINED VICTORY!?
What would victory mean, in the case of oatmeal, McGehee? Is there such a thing as victory over oatmeal? Or are we going to have to resign ourselves to dealing with some level of oatmeal for the foreseeable future?
Me , I kinda figured when you’re eating oatmeal , the main consideration is exit strategy …if you know what I mean .
So, uhhh, we re-deploy the brown sugar to Okinawa?
Yeah, the “Friend” thing is what made it delicious.
Well, this post could have been about grits.
Am I the only one howling with laughter over this part? Jeff – nicely played!
Oatmeal = Hiroshima
Cream of Wheat = Fredricksburg
Grits = Battle of Germantown
Cream of Rice = Iraq or forget about it
Discuss and give examples*
* I swear to the unholy god of the professors of a well-respected but if-only-they-knew liberal arts college in Philadelphia
For the bulimic with Alzheimer’s, a bowl of oatmeal can be a real quagmire.
I so don’t get the Friend thing. Is there some cache of oatmeal lore that this draws from?
I also think there are a lot of people here who are only pretending to get the Friend thing but really they don’t get it at all.
Friend? Why, that’s a capital idea, happyfeet!
By George, Happyfeet’s been out Foxed.
It’s like when I was a kid and nobody would let me have the ball.
“The Religious Society of Friends, commonly called Quakers (so dubbed derisively by a seventeenth†century judge who said they quaked before the power of the Lord)…”
Ok. But promise me we don’t have to talk about Nixon some more.
Case?
That’s a lot of breakfasts, I tell you what.
So saith Uncle Toby —Australia’s favourite oatmeal.
Heh. Good one.
Don’t forget, these same funny-hatted Penn-Dutch types interjected scrapple to the cuisine of the USA. I think it’s made from pork scrapings that wouldn’t fit into hot dog casings and oats that wouldn’t fit into cylinders. Definitely halal & non-Kosher too, it’s usually fried up as a breakfast sausage… eh, give me a granola bar & a banana…. isn’t that what we won WWII on?
TW: beyond95, came Win98.
Wrong. If war movies are correct (and why wouldn’t they be?) we won WWII on Lucky Strikes, coffee, canned beans, Spam, and eggs foraged from farmhouses behind enemy lines that the GIs gathered into their helmets. Especially the Lucky Strikes and foraged eggs. Hershey Bars also played a role, if I’m not mistaken, though those were more effective when handed out to adorable children than when consumed by our boys.
Granola, on the other hand, is what lost us the war in Vietnam. Bananas have been more or less neutral throughout the ages, if I remember my history right. But, then again, I’ve been drinking.
Real men eat goetta.
There’s an old saying from the Penna. Dutch about scrapple: “Everything but the oink!”
Dude, I’m from Philly, and even I don’t touch that stuff.
Just like I wouldn’t touch the Scott’s Porridge Oats if they were used to make a haggis.
TW: it’s like an alien food, discovered in area93
And don’t forget those funny little candy-coated chocolates. Now there was an intriguing idea.
Too bad it never caught on.
Ah scrapple. What other delightful breakfast meat(byproduct) comes as a brick!?! My kids and I love the stuff. I order it on a bagel in the cafeteria at work. Sometimes I get a health nut behind me whining about the content of it, and i ususally respond by speaking to whomever I’m with tat free range scrapple is the best.
Back in the ‘30’s (the Banana Wars), Smedley Butler opined that the Marines were in the employ of the United Fruit Company. Of course, he was from Philadelphia, so it was probably the scrapple talking.
Scrapple on a bagel.
REAL multiculturalism.
Scrapple its the name that freaks people out. It is no worse than a hotdog or sausage. Basically it is mostly cornmeal, seasonings and a few pieces of boiled pork … ok the pieces of pork are obtained from boiling the leftover bones from butchering such as the head but get over it … it not like an entire boiled pig head is on your plate. In addition it is very historical. One the first truly American recipes. Since scrapple is mostly cornmeal I bet it is better for you than a lot of other breakfast meat.
Goetta.
Although goetta’s just scrapple with pinhead oats instead of cornmeal.
(I will get someone to acknowledge the existence of goetta, damn it!)
Raisins? In Oatmeal? You mean I don’t have to blow myself up in an Iraqi street to get those? Now if I could only find a box of 72 virgins at the grocery store as easily.
Maybe not at the grocery store, but if your town has a convent…
TW: going82—yes, to hell that’s what I’m doing.