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“Look out, Superman – miners unearth ‘kryptonite‘“

From the AP:

A mineral recently discovered in Serbia has the same composition as kryptonite—the fictional substance that robs Superman of his powers—the British Museum said Tuesday.

While the material is not a perfect match, its chemical breakdown is strikingly similar.

A drill core of the unusual mineral was unearthed in Serbia by the mining group Rio Tinto PLC, which turned it over to mineral expert Chris Stanley at the Natural History Museum for analysis.

“Towards the end of my research I searched the Web using the mineral’s chemical formula, sodium lithium boron silicate hydroxide, and was amazed to discover that same scientific name written on a case of rock containing kryptonite stolen by Lex Luthor from a museum in the film ‘Superman Returns,”’ Stanley said.

The material is white, powdery and not radioactive—unlike the glowing green crystals usually depicted in the Superman comics. It will be formally named Jadarite when it is described in the European Journal of Mineralogy later this year.

Upon learning of the findings—made by a mining group rather than by federally subsidized US scientists—Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards issued a statement arguing that, were the Bush Administration not so “anti-science,” there’s a “strong probability” that Christopher Reeve would have “one day gotten up out of his wheelchair and flown around the world at such speed that he may have been able to turn back time to just before the 2004 Presidential election,” so DNC operatives could “fix those goddamn Ohio voting machines.”

—Which, of course, makes no sense, given kryptonite would have actually hastened Mr Reeves’ demise rather than helped him fly again.  But then, Edwards is a progressive Democrat—so making sense is a luxury, not a requirement.

26 Replies to ““Look out, Superman – miners unearth ‘kryptonite‘“”

  1. His Frogness says:

    this is OBVIOUSLY a cover-up. BushCo KNEW about this minreal already and did everything they could to categorize it as “radioactive”, so they could…. they could….ummmm……blame Serbia as a nuclear threat and take all their oil.

    We want an investigation!!!

  2. J. Peden says:

    I’m going to try to get close enough to this “Kryptonite” to be the first to collapse. It’ll take me a few minutes, though.

  3. Rob B. says:

    That’s a really gneiss story, but only Edwards would attempt to metamophize it into something else.

    TW: He should have just hired Richard Pryor to hack the system if he wanted the “right” results99

  4. McGehee says:

    That’s a really gneiss story, but only Edwards would attempt to metamophize it into something else.

    I’ll second that sediment.

  5. Mark says:

    …has the same composition as kryptonite—the fictional substance … the material is not a perfect match, its chemical breakdown is strikingly similar.

    A fictional substance has a chemical breakdown to be similar to?

  6. Veeshir says:

    Theyr’e just releasing this now because they’ve found Superman’s homeworld and they want to make sure Superman (if that is his real name) knows enough not to mess around.

  7. J. Peden says:

    Bill Keller: “Great Caesar’s Mineral Oil, Jimmahi! We win!”

  8. Tai Chi Wawa says:

    Which, of course, makes no sense . . .

    It does if you live in Bizarro World.

  9. slackjawedyokel says:

    I’ll second that sediment.

    I think you’re being disigneous.

  10. J. Peden says:

    “Negrodaemus also sees the end to SuperBushman’s bleeding scorias.”

  11. Dan Collins says:

    Send some to Oliver, and see if it makes him smarter.

  12. Rob B. says:

    For Edwards, it’s more typical lawyer schist. He takes peoples for granite.

  13. J. Peden says:

    Granited [h/t], Oliver does indeed need some real stones, perhaps like Mica Landon’s – or was that another shoal?

    I think I’m about weathered away myself.

  14. McGehee says:

    You pebble are awesome. I gravel before you.

  15. Rob B says:

    meanwhile, a celebratory Ted Kennedy, straight off his third gin and tonic, asks the waitress at the washington hilton if “she’s cummingtonite, because he’s hung like a horst”

    (geo-puns via pda. Let the hippies top that)

  16. Josh says:

    Man, these jokes rock!

    (If none of YOU guys are gonna take the easy one, I will.)

  17. OHNOES says:

    Man, these jokes rock!

    Oh, you really had to dig for that one.

  18. quit the punning, or I shale have to beat you!

  19. McGehee says:

    Maggie, I think that’s a slate understatement. You need to make your threats boulder.

  20. wishbone says:

    That’s an admirable sediment, maggie.

  21. narciso79 says:

    First of all, This planet is nothing like Krypton,

    Krypton is a glassy ice planet, not a watery world

    like Camino,the clone base in Attack of the Clones. Second, this planet is even farther than

    than LV-426 (Acheron) in the Zeta Reticuli 2 planet. It’s even farther than the first planet attacked on Space Above & Beyond. Third of all;

    this is like that X-files about the vampires in Texas); Stop me before I subreference again.

  22. Mark says:

    Well, I obviously was doing some subterranean spelunking near some real fictitious Kryptonite earlier and nicked the back of my noggin on a stalactite leaving my humor genes hanging in the dankness.

    Or something, he said, as he chugged a packet of pop rocks.

    TW: idea52 as in the many things you do with pop rocks

  23. Josh says:

    That’s an admirable sediment, maggie.

    Were that not already used, it would have been quite a magmanimous pun.

  24. Drumwaster says:

    That was spathic.

  25. wishbone says:

    So…I’m a plagiarist.

    Perhaps I’ll get a gig at the NYT or perhaps run for Senator in Delaware.

  26. Blue Hen says:

    Wishbone, if you’re running against Biden, I’ll vote for you. I’ll change to Democrat, so that I can vote repeatedly. Then I’ll change back so that I can oppress everyone else.

Comments are closed.