Story #426: Two Jews walk into a garage sale, one walks out—a bit bloodied, but carrying with him a 1956 Topps Sandy Koufax card in near mint condition.
The secular authorities, knowing little about suburban Jewish culture, proceed with manslaughter charges. But in the eyes of the Jewish community, the real crime here was that the two warring Jews, in a fit of tribal bickering, drove the price of the Koufax card up $15—turning what would have been an absolute steal into a mere fantastic bargain.
Which, that’s just meshuginah.
Rufus T. Firefly: Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.
Chicolini: I’ll tell you what I’ll do: I’ll take five and ten in Woolworth.
SB: army28
hike!
Elaine Dickinson: Would you like something to read?
Hanging Lady: Do you have anything light?
Elaine Dickinson: How about this leaflet, ”Famous Jewish Sports Legends?”
Two Jews walk into a concentration camp …
and Ronald Reagan imagines he was there.
Stupid fucking arthritis. Imagine how many more World Series the Dodgers could’ve won if his arm hadn’t crapped out on him.
(Interesting aside–I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that his mom made the uniform he’s wearing on that card.)
Where do you get your light, humourous touch, RL?
Peggy Noonan
You should ask for your money back.
I did; but all the bitch sent me was a long essay about the perils of the free market.
R.L. Page walks into a bar…
…and all the other patrons leave because they can’t stand the stench.
Tell me the card was wrapped in plastic. Please.
Ever seen The Frisco Kid, Jeff? It’s a fish-out-of-water tale featuring Gene Wilder as a Jewish Rabbi going to San Francisco during the Gold Rush to be the Jewish community’s rabbi; as he crosses the the US, he encounters the Amish, Indians, Trappists and a robber (Harrison Ford). Same concept as Jackie Chan’s Shanghai Noon, but filmed about 20 years earlier. You’d probably enjoy it.
Last week, Sandy Koufax was drafted by the Modi’in Miracle of the Israeli Baseball League in their inaugural draft.
8 million naked Jews fighting for a Koufax card?! Oh, wait a minute, 8 million stories. Got it.
$15 is still an absolute steal.
Did those two greedy Jews gyp the seller or just welsh the seller?
It’s very important that I know for certain, because otherwise I won’t know to which defamation league to send the link.
Had they not been fighting over the card, each individually would have jewed the seller down.
As it stands, though, they hurt their own cause with a lot of infighting.
Oh, and ps to RL Page. Try to pretend that you’re among decent folk here. This isn’t some progressive get together where you pretend you’re a champion of minorities and are looking out for their well-being—except for, you know (wink wink) the “bad” ones, who are just fags, Uncle Toms, filthy Likudniks, beaners, or what have you.
Don’t forget to include those craaaaazy, kibbutznik Zionists!
BTW: Time Mag has an article this week on “The End of a Zionist Idyll” about the abandoning of Socialist principles in Kibbutz Degania Aleph.
Jeff, you’re much too kind.
My reaction?
Fuck off, shithead.
My reaction? The anonymity of internet saves another spineless puss.
Try to pretend that you’re among decent folk here.
At last, a bit of humor. But it is unlikely that I could gin up the chutzpah to pose as anyone’s “champion” (progressive or otherwise.) I will have to leave that sort of paternalistic arrogance to ‘other horrible workers on the horizon.’
But it does bring to mind a remark that Hugh Kenner reported Eliot had made late in his life: “I no longer pretend that I am pretending.”
So why are you here, Page?
As Bob Dylan, in the role of ‘Alias’ said to James Coburn, playing Pat Garrett in Sam Peckinpah’s last movie “Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid,” when Garrett asks him,” Who are you?”
“That’s a good question.”
The door is just over there, R.L. Don’t let it hit you on the way out.
Paging R.L.!!!
I’m thinking that our page person is hoping to win a Nobel prize by brewing a successful formula containing equal parts arrogance and teh obtuse.
Good luck with that…
A Pulitzer will be more than enough. But thank you for the nomination.
That’s a crap answer.
See? You had to bring Eliot into this (though given your concentration camp “joke,” I’d have thought Pound would have been more appropriate)—forcing me to ask, “do I dare?”
The answer being, yes, yes I do.
And so you are forthwith banished to the Wasteland.
But thanks for the PG&BTK allusion. I have the 2-disc SE that I’ve been meaning to watch. A boy does need his Kristofferson fix, and you can only watch Cisco Pike or Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia so much in one month.
Another leftard troll down the tubes.
Spring cleaning, Jeff?
So now I no longer have to merely pretend he isn’t here.
Jeff, you give the nicest presents.
Irony: I think I know this R. L. Page individual (By name only, of course).
Not that I had anything to do with his appearance here, nor would I ever bring it up in any sense in the real world, just interesting reminding me how small the internets truly are.