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My Dinner with Andre (the Giant), 2:  from the protein wisdom conceptual series

Me:  ”Contingency and consensus is a fashionable means for establishing an epistemology that isn’t tainted with anti-materialist appeals to metaphysics or theology.  Which, in effect, makes it nothing more than a feint to Wittgenstein— a form of logical positivism that fails to impress, in my opinion, precisely because it always provides an easy out for its own mistakes:  irony.  It’s Betrand Russell without the conviction, if you ask me—and it is that lack of conviction that opens it up to charges that it’s susceptible to abuse by those who learn to marshal the will to power in a world forged on the anvil of linguistic constructs alone.  There is no overriding referent under such a philosophical system—no Platonic order.  Which is fine, so long as that rather pedestrian observation isn’t coupled with the corresponding teleological observation that the absence of such an order proves the absence of ‘truth’ outside of our ability to agree upon it.”

Andre the Giant: “I concur.  This is without a doubt the greatest au jus sauce ever!”

60 Replies to “My Dinner with Andre (the Giant), 2:  from the protein wisdom conceptual series”

  1. Mark says:

    Good drugs, Jeff?

  2. Rob B. says:

    Mocking Andre is such a manner is horrible.

    HE IS NOT AN ANIMAL!!!!!

    Damn…

    You got me.

  3. J. Peden says:

    Which is fine, so long as that rather pedestrian observation isn’t coupled with the corresponding teleological observation that the absence of such an order proves the absence of ‘truth’ outside of our ability to agree upon it.

    Bingo.

  4. Tai Chi Wawa says:

    The au jusian rebuttal.  Andre’s an intellectual giant.

  5. Sticky B says:

    Ordinarily I agree with Jeff, but this time I gotta side with Andre.

    Mainly cause I ain’t gotta clue what the fuck it was that just came out of Jeff’s mouth.

  6. mojo says:

    Next on the playbill:

    “Waiting For Goldstein”

    GO DOT!

  7. Robert says:

    Gotta give Andre the accent or the joke falls flat, Jeff.

    Je conviens. Zis is wizzout a doubt ze best au jus ever! *belch*

  8. OHNOES says:

    a form of logical positivism that fails to impress, in my opinion, precisely because it always provides an easy for its own mistakes:  irony.

    Lost me because I think you dropped a noun after “an easy” and you’re outwitting me even WITH all the required words.

  9. Great Mencken's Ghost! says:

    Did you know Andre the Giant and Albert Camus were neighbors in Andre’s youth?

  10. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Sorry, Ohnoes. The word was “out.” Must have deleted it when I was fixing the article.

    Robert —

    You can always do the accent in your head. But I’ll try harder for you, I promise.

    To make things simpler on you, though, consider just leaving a numeric rating and a brief comment on all my posts.

    Eg.  “3—concept okay, needs phony French accent.  I could do better.”

  11. BJTexs says:

    “Do you know what Andre is thinking, little man? Andre is thinking you are mocking him with your big words and fancy talk, n’est pas? Andre is contemplating how funny you would look twisted together like a sweet, Austrian strudal and crammed into the lobster tank, n’est pas?

    So…

    Andre concludes that you should fermez la bouche and pass the crusty rolls before the Au Jus loses it’s warmth.”

    It’s much easier to channel Andre than to admit that I … er … um … have no understanding of what you just wrote.

    Damn business education…

  12. commander0 says:

    Is this some kind of anti-navel gazing text?  Cause if it is, I have to object on humanitarian grounds.  Whatever will our disaffected Yoots do without the bottomless navel pond to draw there endless attention?

  13. fool says:

    Any such skit that doesn’t reference “The Princess Bride” is incomprehensible.

  14. Rick Ballard says:

    and it is that lack of conviction that opens it up to charges that it’s susceptible to abuse by those who learn to marshal the will to power in a world forged on the anvil of linguistic constructs alone.

    Well sure – on your cave wall. I use diffuse light sources in order to achieve a much more subtle shadowplay.

    The astigmatism helps, too.

  15. Dirk Diggler says:

    Sixteen inches of fresh snow…..AT THE END OF APRIL, will do it every time.

  16. Pablo says:

    And the beef is to die for!

  17. Tai Chi Wawa says:

    And the beef is to die for!

    Especially good with the hemlock.

  18. Mark says:

    And the beef is to die for!

    Monica Lewinski’s only known words to Hillary.

  19. Karl says:

    It always seems to come back to the jus, doesn’t it?

  20. BJTexs says:

    Karl:

    Heh! Didn’t you mean to write juuuuuuuuuuuuu?

    Syncronicity!

  21. a4g says:

    The sad fact about epistemology is that the road to its summit, which winds its way through forests of language and logic, stops short, opening onto an unbridgeable chasm, that can only be crossed with a leap.

    Thus the dogged persistence of such obvious foolishness, today taking to the runway as fashionable contingency and consensus, draped over the gaunt, emaciated philosophical model that is worshiped in those circles.  But stamp down this couture as humbug, and another will as surely debut next Fashion Week.

    Epistemology stands at a right angle to external truth, and as such, only intersects at a volumeless point.  Thus their assertion cited above that assertion itself confers substance.  The error Jeff’s avatar makes, is that he attempts a logical answer to that which cannot be countered logically.  He, just as surely as those he criticizes, has made a fundamental category error.  One as absurd as a linguistic debate that is countered with praise for au jus.

    While Goldstein fruitlessly combats on the battlefield of language in his effort to discern what is essential– and therefore true– Andre has made the leap of faith, and wisely learned to trust in his belly.

  22. Diana says:

    “Whatever will our disaffected Yoots do without the bottomless navel pond to draw there(sic) endless attention?”

    Pick out the lint.

  23. Enrak says:

    a4g:

    Hmmm…

    I thought that Andre wasn’t making a leap of faith but was merely agreeing with Jeff and taking the observation to the next logical step. Given14 the surroundings, of course.

    But, I’m not sure I understood the statement or the joke.  (I think I do, but what is that worth really?)

  24. dicentra says:

    a4g:

    Professor Sokal! Long time no see!

  25. Jeff Goldstein says:

    In “my” defense, a4g, I was trying to justify an unprovable observation. 

    And a man is allowed to make category errors (which I did) in order to rationalize his leap of faith in a fantastic au jus.

    Though yes—Andre, ironically, has it precisely right.  And is pithy about it, too.

    Should have used a French accent, however.  For teh funny.

  26. Dan Collins says:

    Thus, I consume it!

  27. Betrand Russell says:

    If you can’t dazzle ‘em with your brilliance, baffle ‘em with your bullshit.

  28. Toby Petzold says:

    Boy, you use your tongue purtier than a two-dollar whore.

  29. proudvastrightwingconspirator says:

    Good thing for Andre that he’s a Giant, cause if he were a Rockie, he’d be playing for a team that’s in last place in the NL West, 5 1/2 games back, has the fewest HR’s in the majors and has the 4th worst ERA in the NL.

    ‘Fraid the Rockies will suck again this year, Jeff……maybe next year, heh?

  30. Drumwaster says:

    the greatest au jus sauce

    Isn’t saying ”au jus sauce” a bit like saying “PIN number”?

    hmmm

  31. Jeff Goldstein says:

    It’s early.  And they have a ton of folks on the disabled list.

    But yeah, I’ve been incredibly disappointed so far. 

    Before Matzui and Lopez went down—and Hurdle starting playing his triple A lineup—they were doing well.  And they’ve lost a number of 1 run games.

    So it’s too soon to give up. Unless Phillies fans are willing to call it quits.

    Problem is, the NL West has the best pitching of any division in baseball, and the Rocks first 19 games were against the NL West.  Followed by a 3-game series against the Mets.

    Not a fortuitous schedule—teams they faced going into tonight had a combined record of 53-36, 17 games over .500.

  32. CraigC says:

    It would have been better with bearnaise.

  33. Jeff Goldstein says:

    And as I write that last comment, Fuentes gives up the tying run in the bottom of the 10th.  And given that we have nobody left in the bullpen but guys from AAA, the Rockies have found away, again, to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

  34. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Isn’t saying ”au jus sauce” a bit like saying “PIN number”?

    Well, maybe Andre isn’t as smart as you, DW.

    Snob.

  35. Major John says:

    I’m with Andre on this one.  Please pass a napkin, would you?

  36. Major John says:

    Oh, and if you want make a leap of faith – try the Chilean Sea Bass…

  37. Drumwaster says:

    Snob.

    ANTI-ELITIST!

    Ooh, pie!

    TW: Busy assuming the position99

  38. CraigC says:

    Four in a row. Is the Good Ship Phillie righted?

  39. lee says:

    Me:  ”Contingency and consensus is a fashionable means for establishing […] the absence of such an order proves the absence of ‘truth’ outside of our ability to agree upon it.”

    So…now I know how monkyboy/Alphie/theo/steve ex-expat/timmyb/heet/etc. feels…

  40. CraigC says:

    Isn’t saying ”au jus sauce” a bit like saying “PIN number”?

    It’s actually a compound error. Using “au jus” as a noun, or in this case as an adjective, as zee stewpeed Americains do so often is vraiment degeulas.

  41. CraigC says:

    Which is why bearnaise would have been better.

  42. Molyuk says:

    Phillies fans never call it quits. If we did, we’d have bailed on these losers 75 years ago.

    Just wait until Howard gets in a groove, baby! We’ll score 8 runs a game.

    Someone in meatspace suggested to me today that Lieber is back in the rotation in order to show him off before trading him. Considering he’s 37, a 13-year vet, and has 315 major league starts, I find it utterly bizarre that anyone might still be wondering how he’d look in a rotation. I did have to admit that this is precisely how baseball executives think.

    oh, and BOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Fewer O’s this time, in appreciation for the 4-game streak.

  43. BJTexs says:

    So it’s too soon to give up. Unless Phillies fans are willing to call it quits.

    4 IN A ROW, BITCHES!!!

    PS; CraigC, Molyuk, I’ve got the bunker prepared for the late season disappointment.

    Shhhh!, don’t tell anybody…

  44. Me…observation that the absence of such an order proves the absence of ‘truth’ outside of our ability to agree upon it.”

    Andre: Anybody got a peanut?

  45. N. O'Brain says:

    I’m with Andre on this one.  Please pass a napkin, would you?

    Posted by Major John | permalink

    on 04/24 at 08:45 PM

    So you mean to say that Andre doesn’t use a…..dining sleeve????

    [gasps in horror]

  46. N. O'Brain says:

    “oh, and BOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Fewer O’s this time, in appreciation for the 4-game streak.

    Posted by Molyuk | permalink

    on 04/25 at 12:51 AM”

    Ah, the warm glow of being in the presence of another Philadelphia fan.

    Remember, we used to boo Mike Schmidt, arguabley the greatest third baseman in all of baseball history.

    Wit or witout?

  47. I remember my Dad was freindly with Greg Gross and we got seats on the 3rd base line at the Vet during the 83 season.  We went exactly once. I heard things that still shock me, and I’ve been to Eagles games. 

    I was never a Schmidt fan.  Now Larry Christenson, he’s THE MAN!

  48. BJTexs says:

    I never thought I would see this headline:

    Phillies Fans Hijack Epistemology/Andre the Giant Thread! Moderator Considers Call for Blanket Mocking!

    As a transplanted baseball player (good field, good speed, no hit 2nd baseman) I never understood the Fans’ problem with Schmidt. I though he was a fabulous player, arguably the greatest all around third baseman in history. I felt blesssed that I attended several games in the late 70’s and had a chance to see one of baseball’s great infields (Scmidt, Bowa and Manny Trillo.)

    Jeff, your Rockies have been snakebit early this season with injuries. There is a goodly amount of young talent on that team and I don’t see anybody else dominating the West. Your time will come. and .. yes, Clint Hurdle is a moron. But, then again, we have that noted Rhoded Scholar Charlie Manuel, “Whaa ah think we done good hittin’ with two strahkes this game…”

  49. BJTexs says:

    Speaking of morons…

    Rhodes Scholar

    Because of the dripping irony, I will humbly submit to 24 hours of relentless mocking…

  50. Terry says:

    ”Which, in effect, makes it nothing more than a feint to Wittgenstein— a form of logical positivism that fails to impress, in my opinion, precisely because it always provides an easy out for its own mistakes:  irony.”

    The great mistake of modernism has been taking Wittgenstein’s “That of which we cannot speak must be passed over in silence” for “That of which we cannot speak does not exist”. We believed we were trading metaphysical Beauty for absolute Truth. Instead we traded Reality for “reality”.

    Somewhere a devil is laughing.

  51. CraigC says:

    I still have my ticket stub from Schmidt’s last game.  It just happened to have been at the Stick.

  52. CraigC says:

    The thirtieth anniversary of the Bull Blunder game is this year. I was at the Vet for it, and I’m going to try to sell a reminiscence to one of the sports mags. To this day, that remains the worst sporting experience of my life.

  53. Major John says:

    CraigC,

    Oh yeah?  I missed a kick from the right side at 30 meters out that would have won the collegiate division of the Illinois Rugby Union in 1990… my suffering is endless.

    Well, OK, not really.  Took me a while to even remember what year that was…

  54. BJTexs says:

    CraigC

    Not to belittle that moment for it was indeed horrible but…

    1) Lifelong Red Sox Fan

    2) 1986 World Series, Game 6

    3) Extended Suicide Watch

    ‘nuff said…

  55. Ha.  In 1986 I had a stomache flu and simultaneously puked and shit myself in the rowing tanks in the basement of the Palestra.  With the entire Penn women’s crew team waiting for us to leave so they could use them.

    Topside, bernaise. Downside, au jus.

    And Luzinski turned out to be a pretty good DH for Chicago.

    OK I’m done

  56. McGehee says:

    The great mistake of modernism has been taking Wittgenstein’s “That of which we cannot speak must be passed over in silence” for “That of which we cannot speak does not exist”. We believed we were trading metaphysical Beauty for absolute Truth. Instead we traded Reality for “reality”.

    Somewhere a devil is laughing.

    Way down there in the details. Yup, there he is, I can see ‘im grinnin’ at me an’ stickin’ out his forked tongue. Damn him.

    …oh, was that redundant?

  57. BJTexs says:

    in the rowing tanks in the basement of the Palestra.

    Heh! A fellow Quaker (class of ‘78.)

    A friend took me to the rowing tanks for a workout (he was on the lightweight crew.) I burned my right thigh muscle so bad it went numb for three days.

    Thus ended my crew career. You guys are nuts.

    McGehee;

    Did you intend to be redundant?

  58. Wildcat BJ, went to ‘nova.

    I was in HS when that happened.  In college I was more interested in getting laid than running ten miles at five in the morning in January.

    Though to be fair I did both with about the same frequency…*sob*

  59. CraigC says:

    I meant as a fan. Worst moment as a player? When I played on the 85-lb. team at St. Albans, we were undefeated, untied, and unscored on. Last game of the season–I think it was St. Anselm’s, might have been Landon–after one of our many scores, I was on kick coverage, and I dogged it, thinking, “Ah, someone will get him.” Little fucker took it all the way back.

    That even merited a mention in the yearbook, with a comment about “players” throwing their helmets. Guess who that was? I almost broke the damned thing I threw it so hard.

  60. McGehee says:

    Intending to be redundant would be silly.

    So, yes. Yes I did.

Comments are closed.