I admit that I probably contribute as much or more to keeping Alphie engaged as anyone, and for this I apologize.
Since I haven’t made any resolutions this year (and, coincidentally, broken none), I am now making “Ignore Alphie” my Easter Resolution.
I’m not demanding anyone else do the same, although if you would like to, please feel free.
My Easter Resolution was not to eat any of the kid’s Easter candy after the family had gone to bed.
*burp*
Does making it through half of The Ten Commandments erase a little of my sin?
Edward G. Robinson was the best Egyptian slave evah!
Well, if Alphie won’t leave you alone, there it is, I said,
What you get married for if you don’t want children?
HURRY UP PLEASE IT’S TIME
“Ignore Alphie!”
Well, duh!
What if we only responded in Pig Latin or did some of Jim Baen’s evil tricks in publishing teasers for upcoming Honor Harrington novels? You know, just the punctuation, only the first letter of every word, etc.
That’s the most ironic post I’ve ever seen. Good on ya!
Seriously, I learned early on, and I know you know this BRD, you’ve got to let the kid scream himself to sleep. It’s a battle of wills and if you give in to the screaming because your ears hurt, the kid wins every time.
God bless the MP3. He’s in the back seat screaming for attention. Let him scream, and crank up the tunes.
Are bananas and trail mix OK?
As I said on the other thread, alphie’s level of understanding approximates that of the average or median reader of the Weekly World News. Such folk aren’t actually stupid—there has to be another word for it; the ones I know are perfectly capable of dressing themselves in the morning—and they do, after all, vote. Watching alphie duck and weave when his preconceptions are challenged is useful practice for dealing with people who believe in space alien abductions, hard money, the sainthood of W.J. Clinton, and other such myths.
Regards,
Ric
I will consider this my fourth General Order.
Guys, guys, guys, you have to remember, the aphid came by his stupidity legitimately.
For example, when his Mom was pregnant with him, she worried about her Waterford crystal breaking.
For fuck’s sake, man, just ban the little shit. As I’m sure you’ve heard now and again, “Save the drama for your mama”.
You’re just jealous ‘cuz you didn’t think of Balloon Fences and Mile-High Dirt Berms First.
Not to mention the Half-A-Trillion Worth of Hot Dogs and Billion Dollar Twinkie analogies.
I tend to agree with Ric. Much of the alpee’s rifts are on par with what I hear offered seriously by people who have a high school diploma (from a gubmint school) and figured that concluded their own responsibility to study anything beyond the headlines they see standing in the checkout line at the supermarket.
And it’s interesting to note alpee’s rampant gynephobia,
Finally!
A bandwagon I can jump on.
Count me in.
who is this alphie that you speak of?
This alphie spoken of is, to hear it say it, the majority of the US.
What’s concerning is that this claimed hundred seventy five million really does think that its opposition favors bloodsport, hegemony, and a small government erected just in order for them to stay filthy rich while the underclass starves.
All the while alphie & Co. are impervious to the personal wreckage created by the welfare state. So it’s evil Neocon warmongering capitalists 24/7.
alphie’s pathetic performance yesterday highlights this common mental dysfunction. However, alphie owes nobody a dime’s worth of explanation because intent is more powerful than performance and Neocon’s intend harm. I mean, just look at them. So we visualize world peace, think happy thoughts, and project positive Leftist energy. And naked gay bike parades.
You knew this. I’m just increasingly concerned that so many voters are making their blind whim of a benevolent government—and multiculturalism and the other myths of Leftism—their own little heaven on earth.
Just because such a heaven’s never happened in history doesn’t mean it won’t happen this time, no? So it is with the blind religion of the Leftist State.
The ultimate form of identity politics, JHoward?
Trying to explain why the government spending you support isn’t really welfare?
What kind of American thinks money spent in Iraq is a better investment than money spent to help Americans?
Strawman much, alFreud?
<whack!>
Can’cha read, JH?
I don’t think its a straw man, JHoward.
The crowd that thinks dumping billions of dollars worth of American taxpayer money a week into Iraq is just dandy would recoil in horror if that money went instead to buy, say, heating oil for poor American senior citizens who can’t afford to heat their homes.
Never could figure that out.
Apparently not leftspeak, McGehee.
Me:
alfraud:
I think you guys are just desperately looking around for someone, anyone, to label leftist so y’all don’t have to look in the mirror (or at that government check you’re cashing).
What are the people afraid of who recoil in horror at the prospect of success in Iraq? The hundreds of billions of dollars spent in bringing liberation to Iraq are as much a price tag on the value Democrats place on American failure as it is a testament to our determination to spread freedom.
JH,
I think McGehee was referring to the post and how to prevent threadjacking.
Which scenario, threadjacking – is unfolding…
threads in spring pristine
mingle relevance with wit
ignore the echo
Here’s my theory:
Regular Lefty: Supports government programs that help the most needy Americans.
Neocon Lefty: Only supports government programs that they can make a buck off of.
Identity politics merged with plain old fashioned greed?
What do you mean there’s no space aliens? Liar.
Quit trying to make me feel bad for all those little bastards shoving stuff up my butthole the other night.
Though they did have soft hands…
Like I suggested the other day–bamboo telephone poles. They can’t type. Not in English, anyway.
behave, little boy
be quiet now, and go play
adults are speaking
Plenty of adults believe in space aliens, Cythen.
Give Bane a break.
The last thing the neocons need right now is for people to start mocking each others superstitions.
Well that didn’t last long, did it.
Alphie came in, found an easy mark (JH) and suckered him into a reply.
PT Barnum lives.
This thread does not exist.
Should you choose to accept this mission, you will terminate said troll’s command with extreme prejudice. I repeat, with extreme prejudice.
That is all.
Actually, I was referring to the title of this post.
…like JPT said…
Speaking of thread jacking, the Opinion Journal had an article today explaining the consensus on global warming: Why we believe in global warming. The best part was the very first reader response where a Chicago college professor named Steven Platzer said CO2 is a pollutant that needs to be cleaned out of the atmosphere. Please, please, please, Ric Locke, do not explain how stupid this is. I want to see if it makes it into the Democratic Party talking points. Then you can explain.
Al Gore will have no trouble finding in Monday’s Supreme Court ruling more evidence that global warming is a reality, indeed a dire threat.
He will soon say–you can take this to the bank–words like…
When even the WSJ has to rely on straw men to try to shore up support for the fading neocons, you know the party’s about over for ‘em.
Global warming is a massive hoax on the scale of the hoax of communism. Fortunately as P.T. Barnum used to say, “There’s a sucker born every minute.”
But I shouldn’t argue with someone else’s religion.
By fortunately I meant of course for the communists and global warmists.
But I shouldn’t argue with someone else’s religion.
Anti-climate change shilling is a happy, safe bunker where the neocon thought leaders can hide from their failed wars and try to rally their less bright true believers.
How the mighty have fallen.
It was Alphie, of course. Eliot’s prescience never ceases to astound us.
Eliot’s prescience pales in comparison to Yeat’s forecast of the rise of the neocons, Terry:
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
How lucky for us they picked such a twit as their mouthpiece.
Protest much, section9?
Another thing about the global warmists, they hate women and children. They want women and children to freeze to death and suffer frostbite rather than be warm and comfortable. Well, a lot of harm was done to women and children by communism, too.
But I really shouldn’t argue with someone else’s religion.
My goodness, aphid lays another turd and produces the perfect description of our islamofascist enemies.
What is it they say?
Even a deaf, blind, dumb and retarded squirell can find his own nuts.
Sometimes.
You should construct a virtual berm between this blog and Alphie. A virtual mile high. With virtual balloons on its virtual top. (A homage to quite possibly the stupidest thing I have ever read that was seriously suggested. So stupid that even after some time has passed, nothing has even come close to challenging it)
Fortunately, global warming is just a fantasy. So no women and children will actually be harmed by it. Well, maybe the global warmists will harm some but I’m sure it won’t be intentional. Or not very, anyway. So maybe communism was worse after all. At least a little worse, don’t you think?
Actually, alphie, the most knowledgable skeptic about anthrogenic global warming I know is a liberal Canadian.
But then, knowledge itself is a foreign concept to you.
Inconvenient truths:
Medium-sized yellow star still big dog in neighborhood. Other planet warming. Cosmic rays and clouds.
But the universe revolves around us. Perhaps we should have Al Gore debate Copernicus.
Puny, hubris-ridden humans.
Well, there’s always Al Gore.
Copernicus would win. And I’m well aware of the fact that he’s been dead for several hundred years.
Eliot’s “The Wasteland” was obviously a metaphorical treatment of nascent global warming:
No wonder she was frightened! She knew there was T was no frikkin’ SNOW!
Once again Eliot astonishes us with his prescience.
Do the political geniuses who thought a pro-colonization party could be popular now really think that being the pro-hurricane, pro-drought, pro-flooding party will their ticket back to political relevance?
Good luck with all that.
Iraq is teh suxor!11!!
Iraq is teh soxxor!!!11!!
Arrrgh! Iraq! Iraq! Iraq!! Neeeocon! Iraq!! Billions of dollars wasted on anti-poverty domestic programs…I mean Iraq!!11!
“pro-hurricane, pro-drought, pro-flooding”
Which is it – pro drought or pro-flooding?
And where is that cash the pro-bribe Jefferson stole during Katrina?
Unless you can point to a GOP platform advocating these imaginary positions, I will have to throw the penalty flag and penalize you for pulling hyperactive mouthbreathing leftarded fantasy-world garbage out of your anus.
Where were all the hurricanes last year? Why is it the coldest Easter in 100 years, alphtard?
Its called WEATHER.
Not there? Hmm…then it seems that you’re a preening jackass.
And BRD wept…..
It’s like a random gibberish generator. If only the technology existed to harness the immense stupidity we could be energy self sufficient in a matter of days. Hell, we could export it. Put him/her in the same room as Oliver Willis and the Middle East would just be that place with all that sand. We could be the new OPEC. All other countries would be sucking up to us and our SCTE monopoly. (Stupidity Converted To Energy)
I prefer a nice tumbler of Lagavulin to weeping, BRD.
It lets me ponder the fate of all those drowning polar bears and mastodons.
And whether Tony Soprano will get whacked in the end. That’s a euphemism for “killed”–not something else.
It’s something to do with whether or not the verb ‘to whack’ is reflexive. In any case, to drink, perchance to dream – a dream in which people are judged by the content of their post, not the stupidity of their comment.
Ignore who?
Mishu,
I’m kind on the horns of a dilemma. I can’t help but thinking that if I were less successful in ignoring whoever it is, I might be able to provide some pointers to those who aren’t as ignoring-prone.
However, in order to point that out, I would, in fact, be less successful in ignoring them.
C’est la troll….
BRD
To be fair, BRD–it is kind of entertaining to offer up 2+2=4 to you-know-who and get a “logic” train along the lines of Neptune’s moon Triton being Sam Kinison’s bastard kid and therefore is made entirely of cashew nuts and unicorn droppings.
Liberals are fun to torture.
Stupid liberals are funner.
BRD – Catch 22 re: troll. They come into the thread whether you acknowledge them or not. Annoyed if you do, annoyed if you don’t.
I’m a neocon! Woo! My life’s goal, achieved. I knew if I cut off enough bumper sticker encrusted rusty hatchbacks with my shiny new car (gained through sweet, sweet capitalism), I would eventually be blessed with the coveted title.
Bane – did they at least give a reach around? Let us converse here, as one adult to another.
I come more in admiration of the denial, Cythen.
The neocons pushing the pro-climate change agenda on their few remaining troops remind of the Ugandan witch doctors who used tell their soldiers to cover themselves in their own urine to render themselves bulletproof.
Good luck in 2008 with your new strategy, guys.
The prosecution rests. Seriously, could I have made that up?
With this one final illustration of the superior ”strategy” of the left for 2008.
Climate change shilling is a sad, unsafe bunker where the progg thought leaders can’t hide from their failed Workers Utopias and try to rally their rank-and-file.
100 YEARS OF FAILURE MEANS NOTHING !!!
No, wait…
Go fuck myself.
Carry on.
See? There is enough convertible stupidity potential just in that one statement to supply the energy needs of two or three of our larger states for a year. SCTE will rule the world! An the best part is from all appearances he/she will only get stupider! NEVER run out of energy!
There are folks with radically different views that come by a site and those views should be aired and considered or the site runs the risk of becoming an echo chamber. One has to distinguish between trolls – uninterested in defending a viewpoint, and the paladin who is interested is defending his.
So, the internet troll – what to do? The ad homenim troll, whose modus operandi is to just poke his snout in and snarls insults, can be dealt with easily – banning. Jeff has to have a threshold set to ban the ad homenim troll. Jeff doesn’t want to render the final judgement, banishment, meaningless by banning some chucklehead who stays below the threshold. How they deal with gadflies is the business of the community at large, not the shaman.
The only effective tool the community at large has to deal with a non sequitor troll like the one of interest here, toothless but impervious to the disgust he engenders, is shunning. A troll lacking enough self-respect that he’s willing to poke his nether end into a thread just to pass non sequitors is nothing more than a blip in a thread if he’s shunned.
But shunning only works if the whole community buys into it. It’s when the non sequitor troll is noticed and engaged, that the thread succumbs to white noise and it drives commenters away when they see a thread already jacked by a non sequitor troll. Commenting on the original subject is lost in the noise, and attempts to wrest the thread back won’t work if others are still willing to engage on the troll’s terms.
Any contribution to a jacked thread must necessarily be to the new, jacked, subject, which suits the troll’s agenda. If this happens often enough, and in this case it is happening in at least 25% of the threads, it raises the question of whether there should be a threshold for white noise as well as one for ad homenim. I think this knotty problem is Jeff’s to solve at this point.
Who are you trying to kid, JPT?
Support the troops!
Why do you hate America?
BDS!
Troll!
I never seen anything that comes close to a rational defense of our colonization of Iraq from you guys.
Catch phrases and a misunderstanding of history only last so long.
Then people start to ask question.
Questions you guys could never answer.
alphie –
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Orbit ramp inside cart toll, pope Dada jack Forbes material gangplank horchata long quick.
Ute Banquo kite.
Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata.
Shantih shantih shantih
The prosecution rests.
Is that a quote from a Bush speech, Mero?
JPT gets the honor of hoisting the tattered “Mission Accomplished” banner for this thread?
alphie –
Samhayne rocket tumbler fog hide wist keep jug.
Wonky gaffe internal quag opera number viscous berm, exoskeleton simple Zulu dog pill.
Hate lollipop hill campus.
It is an interesting strategy, Mero.
Sad thing is, you’re making more sense than most of your comrades.
BDS stay the course why do you hate America support the troops?
Kvoh o dccf, dccf wawhohwcb.
pj. str er idomhh drvtry vpfr mpe?
Maggie –
Did I ever tell you you’re my hero?
“There’s an old saying in Tennessee  I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee  that says, fool me once, shame on  shame on you. Fool me  you can’t get fooled again.”
 Dubya, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
errr, you’re too kind Merovign. I haven’t quite figured it out yet.
It’s okay, Maggie. We can just cuddle.
Can you believe it? Michael Moore’s new film is about putting a puppy in a blender! What a sicko. It’s just a good thing for him that the global warmists hate puppies, too. And kittens.
Compare and contrast:
God I love our prez. He’s like crazy old Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now, a philosopher-poet-king.
alphie,
SPECIAL OFER!!!!!
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TITS!!1
Weeeellll,
Curious as to who is behind the CO2 swiftboat team, I took a look at which states emit the most industrial CO2 into the atmosphere and lookey what I find:
1. Texas – 251.57
2. Louisiana – 91.33
3. California – 70.63
4. Indiana – 52.89
5. Pennsylvania – 46.62
Yeehaw!
That’s million metric tons a year, btw.
Another reason to be pround of Tejas!
It accounts for 24.1% of all American industrial CO2 emissions!
Yet another neocon lesson in the true meaning of “American” interests.
2009 is gonna be a bad year no matter who wins in 2008, ain’t it cowboys?
Peter tears evergreen, Irish gap baseball, Ethan material dance Paul chariots December 900 ash sports diamond tropic sax. California–smiling cult builders–chili capitol bad. Sampler, survival Douglas grandma journeys dreadnought van Gus!
Onion, historical brothers, and lush Spartacus.
Oil refineries will do that (Lousiana is there, too, dolt).
Of course, that’s yet another thing you don’t have an answer for.
I know–let’s all redeploy to Okinawa and build a mile-high fence.
Having said that:
Onions Peterbilt Tarantulas Fecundity Wainscotting Bellweather Crop Circles Looking Glass Anvil Scratch Pyongyang Nubile Kilimanjaro
SPECIAL OFER!!!!!
No dean for towed church. Bentley, pavement, sofa, and Ruth. Orioles, cure the man water’s uncle!
Is “oil refineries” another magical neocon term like “support the troops” that’s supposed to end discussions with no good ending, wish?
Once again, good luck with all that.
How sad that the best shot, however slight, for the Republicans to keep the White House in 2009 comes from a pro-abortion, pro-gay rights, pro-gun control, pro-Kyoto liberal New Yorker.
No sad really I guess, more ironic.
As I said–no answers. If Texas is EVILE because of the oil industry, then you need to get hot on providing something approximating an alternative.
I believe we have a new strategy for dealing with trolls: <b>The Merovign Doctrine: Gibberish in, Gibberish out
Is “oil refineries†another magical neocon term like “support the troops†that’s supposed to end discussions with no good ending, wish?<blockquote>
Can be met with:
Ford Lincoln Mercury myths are first pale bird rise Ernie television. Kids calendar opera for dresser. And furthermore, gravity is closet to my amplifier. Stereo checkbook Toyota, of course.
Who would argue with elephants, baby sisters, and garbage disposals, other than red pavement and cologne?
Shoeboxes.
Oops, I kinda fucked up the HTML there, but you get the idea.
Haven’t we provided Texas with enough already, wish?
Farm subsidies, defense contracts and oil owned by all Americans for free?
Time to give back, I think.
A smart state would make some compromise deals on all that welfare while Dubya is still in office.
A smart state would.
Asian trophy darkness. Winter wood for all it’s worth. How about the snack? Would the coyote do better than trees with closet? Arizona for goodness.
Post a thread with the topic of ignoring a certain troll and in comes said troll screeching “nooooooooo…. you must pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…..”
Shocking, just shocking.
I’m shocked too that Europe is not meeting it’s Kyoto treaty obligations. Don’t worry though, in 2009 a president who believes in global warming will make them. In January 2009. February by the latest. Yee haw!
What was that Senate vote on Kyoto? About 900 to nothing, irght?
I don’t think I’ve ever seen that expressed more beautifully, Sean.
Perhaps I shouldn’t argue with someone’s religion, though.