Sure, I waited a couple of years before I fired my gardener, Pepe. But—his protestations to the contrary—I didn’t shitcan him because he suspected me of diddling a handful of the neighborhood housewives while my wife was off supporting us. Instead, I canned the lazy bastard because he never did manage to stop the steady creep of bindweed and broadleaf, which was crossing under my fence from the prairie land to the south with such regularity that I finally had to hire a couple of former Guardsmen, arm them with an industrial size container of Preen Weed and Grass Killer, and hope they’d be able to beat the stuff back before it sued me to repost my “Beware of Dog” sign in both English and Spanish.
So, you know, screw the New York Times.*
Developing…
CNN: Dog now only mostly missing.
Developing…
If there is any screwing involving the NY Times, it will be their shareholders feeling it instead of the paper itself. Losses? What losses? Bonuses for everyone!
You fire them? Dude, most of them come from far away, have no relatives to snoop around asking questions and fit easily into a Glad Yard and Leaf bag.
Maybe I’ve said too much, but dude…
Whoa,
When you look at the bottom of the main page, it’s page 1 of 666.
666
I’m so outta here.
Broadleaf is actually like a whole family of weeds – you have to make sure you match the exact weed with the right pesticide – so, sounds liked Pepe was only knocking out certain kinds of weeds, while others were left to thrive. You were absolutely right to fire him, irrespective of whatever claims of gardenerial discretion he may have made.
Not to mention, I’m missing a whole bag of corn husks.
Chile today, hot tamale.
A better fence is required. Keeps out those migrant weeds without the need for herbicides. Pie all around.
Bindweed (Convolvulus arvensis) is a creation of the devil himself. The roots can go as far as 30 feet under the soil, and if you tear off the stems and leaves, the roots carry on happily as if nothing ever happened. Let it grow and it quickly climbs up and smothers anything else you might want growing. I can’t tell you how much Roundup® I have spent on getting rid of the stuff.
Rumor has it that it was brought to the US so that its vines could be used for baling hay.
Of course, during the summer, it’s the only reason my lawn approximates green, so I guess there’s some use for the cursed weed.
Lucky you.
My friend is missing all six of his chickens – and we’re talking Fairfield County here.
He thinks it’s that goofy VooDoo-Christian cult. What’s their name? The Macarenas?
Anyway, we’re pretty sure that the chicken bones are somewhere in Bridgeport.
Now, that’s scary enough for anybody’s Halloween…
I have Zoysia in 1/3 of the yard, primarily weeds in the other 2/3. In the 1/3 with zoysia I was staging a competition between it and some Mexican primrose, but the better half made me pull up the primrose.
She’s not much of a sports fan, obviously.
dicentra:
You can’t…..or you won’t?
As soon as the kid is old enough to take the training wheels off his bicycle, buy him a dirt bike, you won’t have any weeds, or lawn for that matter, then you can give the lawnmower to Pepe so he can mow other people’s lawns and earn a decent living, or not…