Building the Perfect Beast (part 6 in the Don Henley retrospective series)
Following your Enlightenment’s inexorable repudiation of Rousseauvian romanticism, introduce into a once bucolic landscape the specter of fossil-fuel fed industrialization.
Engage in a market system that exploits labor and resources to build obscene pools of capital for the few, while marginalizing the many.
Use the capital accrued from such a sytem to reinvest—shoring up financial security—while using the priviliges your riches buy you to gather and hold political power.
Have a “progressive” awakening, in which you dissociate yourself from the unseemliness of commercialism and American cultural hegeomy—even as you continue to live it—by affecting an adversarial position to the root of your guilt: privilige, power, profit, industrialization, and the “exploitation” of resources.
Using your powerful political position, set up a company that would guide the world in its repudiation of base, material things in pursuit of a return to the bucolic.
Profit from the push to return to such a state of nature—one in which resources are not, in fact, “exploited,” and in which fossil fuels are demonized. Herald the birth of the ecomartyr.
Reinvest the capital you accrue while furthering your political reach on a global scale.
Assume moral, intellectual, and spiritual superiority.
Await your next opportunity to publicly jam your fat tongue down Tipper’s throat.
Repeat as necessary
27 Replies to “Building the Perfect Beast (part 6 in the Don Henley retrospective series)”
You had me until step 9, Jeff. Then I had to pause for a few minutes to blow chunks of Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch all over my lunch tray. Only a little bit got on the Berber carpet.
Its a page ripped right out of AMWAYs success manual.
Now to attempt to Multi-Level Market this sure fire winner. You too can own your own carbon sink and get all your friends to buy into it and if they branch off then you can ….. etc, etc, ad-nauseum.
I would say anyone who worked on the bestselling album in history actually has “moral, intellectual, and spiritual superiority.â€Â
Alphie, you make me feel stupid – I mean, this IS a joke, right? Because I’m looking at No. 2 – Michale Jackson’s Thriller – and I’m presuming that an additional couple million in album sales doesn’t automatically mean that you have “moral, intellectual, and spiritual superiority.” But maybe that’s exactly what you mean – we HAVE to respect no. 1, baby, but no. 2? Not so much.
Because if Michael Jackson is a also superior being, then I have to suddenly find some respect for, oh, I dunno, Joan Rivers. And one of the area’s local pedophiles.
Yea, if you are as pretentious and sanctimonious as Bono or Sting. The vast majority of artists want to sell albums, make money and get laid at the next town. (not necessarily in that order)
But, hey, Action Chimpâ„¢, it’s OK to connect huge financial success with “moral, intellectual and spiritual superiority.” We capitalist pigs like it that way.
For the Goron, recognition as a world changer is what fluffs his Garfield.
What. I am confused. What does Alphie’s comment have to do with Jeff’s post?
Is Hotel California about Global Warming?
Do I need a moonbat lyric decoder ring.
BTW Hotel California is on my list of songs I never ever want to hear again. So now I am pissed at Alphie because he put that long winded song in my head.
Await your next opportunity to publicly jam your fat tongue down Tipper’s throat.
To best understand this step one should view the movie “Breach”, wherein the brilliant traitor Robert Hanson pontificates the value of prayer and opus dei and rigid catholicism not oft seen outside of Italy. All the while making and mailing sex tapes of himself and his wife to a German afficianado. Some a tad rough. Exhibitionism can be such a sinful indulgence, neh?
Just in case you guys didn’t see it the last eight times I posted it.
Plus there’s an asian chick here in the Milwaulkee airport that could be causing global warming all by herself . Simply outstanding. Totally made up for the heavy girl with the blue highlights and Doc Martens and the Evanesence beater. Haven’t seen upper arms jiggle like that since my school-bus days…
Perfect timing, troll. I was going to ask Jeff if he was making a point by calling it the Don Henley retrospective series, or if he just wanted to use “Building the Perfect Beast.”
Because with a couple of exceptions, it’s Henley in a nutshell. Making up for the guilt about making millions off the corporate structure you hate by espousing all kinds of holier-than-thou causes, the 80’s-style mumbo-jumbo about dark cabals of Masters of the Universe secretly controlling the world, blah, bla-bla-bla, blah.
And just like that, confirmation that it all worked because the Alphies of the world bought it hook, line and sinker.
Walden Ponce.
Seriously.
In the great grand scheme of things, was #9 really necessary? Both in practice and its redistribution?
Now my mind char broils with the image. <ow>
It was a privilege to read a post about the hegemony of Al-Gore.
You had me until step 9, Jeff. Then I had to pause for a few minutes to blow chunks of Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch all over my lunch tray. Only a little bit got on the Berber carpet.
Ya bastard, ya!
I furthermore believe that whoever is elected in 2008 will be a 1 termer. Both congresses will be solidly Demo. As a GOP’er, not happy wid dat.
HA!
Its a page ripped right out of AMWAYs success manual.
Now to attempt to Multi-Level Market this sure fire winner. You too can own your own carbon sink and get all your friends to buy into it and if they branch off then you can ….. etc, etc, ad-nauseum.
I supposed the Cadillac would be green then.
Qusetion, does this mean I can actually write off my $250 Hell Freezes Over ticket?
Can you express a supposition in the past tense? Or, would it be easier to blame it all on my fat fingers?
I would say anyone who worked on the bestselling album in history actually has “moral, intellectual, and spiritual superiority.”
Isn’t that what artists are striving for?
They came pretty close here.
Alphie, you make me feel stupid – I mean, this IS a joke, right? Because I’m looking at No. 2 – Michale Jackson’s Thriller – and I’m presuming that an additional couple million in album sales doesn’t automatically mean that you have “moral, intellectual, and spiritual superiority.” But maybe that’s exactly what you mean – we HAVE to respect no. 1, baby, but no. 2? Not so much.
Because if Michael Jackson is a also superior being, then I have to suddenly find some respect for, oh, I dunno, Joan Rivers. And one of the area’s local pedophiles.
Because of course popularity equals moral authority, right, alpoid? I’ll pass the word to Messrs. Limbaugh and Franken that you said so.
Yea, if you are as pretentious and sanctimonious as Bono or Sting. The vast majority of artists want to sell albums, make money and get laid at the next town. (not necessarily in that order)
But, hey, Action Chimpâ„¢, it’s OK to connect huge financial success with “moral, intellectual and spiritual superiority.” We capitalist pigs like it that way.
For the Goron, recognition as a world changer is what fluffs his Garfield.
Don Henley has been shoving his tongue down Tipper’s throat?
Hmmmm.
@ Jeff
Gotta say that I can’t see a picture of Al Gore without thinking of Eminem’s song “Without Me”.
11. Hasten the end of the fossil fuel era by using them all up as quickly as possible.
Right, so before the Eagles Greatest Hits took the spot, Michael Jackson had “moral, intellectual and spiritual superiority”.
Why must we bear this alphietross?
What. I am confused. What does Alphie’s comment have to do with Jeff’s post?
Is Hotel California about Global Warming?
Do I need a moonbat lyric decoder ring.
BTW Hotel California is on my list of songs I never ever want to hear again. So now I am pissed at Alphie because he put that long winded song in my head.
“Turn around Bright Eyes …”
“Every now and then I fall apart”
Now, you really are dead.
Steve,
That was cruel. But I still have to rate Hotel California higher on that list. They are always dragging that song out and shoving it in our faces.
To best understand this step one should view the movie “Breach”, wherein the brilliant traitor Robert Hanson pontificates the value of prayer and opus dei and rigid catholicism not oft seen outside of Italy. All the while making and mailing sex tapes of himself and his wife to a German afficianado. Some a tad rough. Exhibitionism can be such a sinful indulgence, neh?
OK, here goes…
DON HENLEY IS THE ANTI-CHRIST!
And Phil Collins is his avatar.
Just in case you guys didn’t see it the last eight times I posted it.
Plus there’s an asian chick here in the Milwaulkee airport that could be causing global warming all by herself . Simply outstanding. Totally made up for the heavy girl with the blue highlights and Doc Martens and the Evanesence beater. Haven’t seen upper arms jiggle like that since my school-bus days…
Perfect timing, troll. I was going to ask Jeff if he was making a point by calling it the Don Henley retrospective series, or if he just wanted to use “Building the Perfect Beast.”
Because with a couple of exceptions, it’s Henley in a nutshell. Making up for the guilt about making millions off the corporate structure you hate by espousing all kinds of holier-than-thou causes, the 80’s-style mumbo-jumbo about dark cabals of Masters of the Universe secretly controlling the world, blah, bla-bla-bla, blah.
And just like that, confirmation that it all worked because the Alphies of the world bought it hook, line and sinker.
It’s a beautiful thing.
I’m kinda brilliantly devious that way, aren’t I, Craig.
Intentionalism. It’s the Porsche 911 of linguistic stances.
Actually, I’m more of a Timothy B. Schmit fan. Don Henley’s solo stuff I can do without.
But was the post really about Henley?
I thought it was a parody of the rise of crony capitalism.
The post is about snake oil salesmen.
Since most of Henley’s catalogue is basically about cocaine, the parallels still stand.
Tim Schmidt couldn’t carry Randy Meisner’s guitar case, Alphie.