I was out walking my dog a few minutes ago when I came upon a densely populated prairie dog town on a stretch of scrub land bordering the northeast boundary of our subdivision. When I stopped to ask some of the prairie dogs for their papers, not one of them could produce a green card—and several others pretended not to understand me, then bolted for their holes.
Which only confirmed my suspicion that illegal prairie dogs are crossing in from over the border and setting up massive, ramshackle colonies inside our development—a suspicion that was first raised when I noticed that the majority of them were wearing gaucho mustaches and pointy-tipped cowboy boots, and were drinking Miller High Life on their front stoops while blasting accordian-heavy Norteño music until the wee hours of the morning.
I’ve put in several calls to Tom Tancredo, but if he doesn’t get back to me, I’m willing to try the Minutemen. And if that doesn’t work, I’m planning to invite Michelle Malkin out here, get her liquored up on Peach Schnapps, then hand her a Sako Quad Rimfire and some .17Mach2 ammo and set her loose in sage camo and one of them canvas Crocodile Dundee hats.
I’ve no doubt she’ll know what to do from there…
Developing…
Well, there were those armadillo tracks headed out to the south…
But for real fun, I suggest a now ancient, but perfectly suitable Savage Arms .222 single shot. Might be overkill, though…
J
We had a dozen gophers, and a few woodchuck, in the yard when we first developed our property.
The gophers were the most fun. But, I won’t forget one of the chuck’s. I shot it in the head and it charged me. To my surprise, I finished it off from the hip with the 22.
Which has little to do with your post. It just reminded me of my bloodlust to drive out the natives.
You can’t trust those prarie dogs. Sure, you might think they look cute, but they would just as soon dig under your house until the foundation collapses.
Now that you’ve stirred them up, they’ll be coming after you.
I’m gonna contact Bill O’Reilly and have him push for a National Guard deployment.
Use a .338 . Trust me , close is good enough .
I’m afraid the prairie dogs are here to stay, most of today’s version, are no doubt, legal offspring of their forebearers who were given amnesty in the ‘80s.
I had a run-in with their, then still illegal, grandparents back in the 70s when I pitched a tent in a field in Wyoming after dark. All night long I was getting poked in the back by “something.” As it turned out in the morning, the tent was pitched over a dozen or so prairie dog holes out of the thousands in the field—I suppose I should’ve looked at it as a free massage, similar to the massaging our politicians are giving us today.
According to the ChimpyMcHitlerburton Administration, those “illegal” ground hogs are simply here to do the work that American ground hogs won’t do.
If it turns out that one of them actually is smuggling several pounds of cannabis, don’t shoot it in the ass, or you could end up in jail. (Where other “illegal” ground hogs might jump you
in the shower.)
Use the Mini Ranch .223, fun to see the varmints spinning in the air doing that beautiful death dance
That’s the dirtiest thing I’ve read all day.
proudvast,
If you have to be racist and lump prairie dogs in with pigs ( ground hogs ) please do so else where .
A 12 gauge with #4 buckshot provides a fine, vaporized mist, turning a pest into useful fertilizer. And use the steel rather than lead shot to return carbon safely to Mother Gaia. That way you can also get carbon offsets for your top fuel dragster.
And they say we conservatives don’t know how to be green – the nerve of those bastards.
LOL, the sad part is it was unintentional!
Ma, get the Dog-Gone Prairie Dog Vacuum Cleaner!
Yeah, with the filters they got at work these intertubes is no real fun anymore.
That’s why I heard so much of that clown polka crap on February 2nd. I thought that the homeowner’s association would have taken care of such things.
I must inquire – are the groundhog casitas in question the same Pepto-Bismol pink as the ones here in Tucson?
Jeez. Doesn’t anybody use a mallet anymore?
Bill D. Cat,
My apologies to you and Punxatawny Phil for my mistake. It’s just that prarie dogs and ground hogs all look alike to me. Obviously, I need sensitivity training. I’m so ashamed.
Cythen —
No, those might be moles. These fellas are pretty cute. If you’re into ponchos, I mean.
Xenophobes! Don’t you know they are just here doing the work that our lazy round-tailed ground squirrels refuse to do?
BTW, I’ve always viewed Michelle as a chablis/220 Swift kinda gal. But I’ve been wrong before.
::frowns:: Are you absolutely sure those prairie dogs aren’t refugees from Oklahoma? The serapes could be Indian blankets. It can be hard to tell the difference at that scale.
Keep an eye on them. If they start preparing a Passion Play for the 31st of this month, they’re definitely Okies—and in that case, the bag limit is two per day, .17 pump guns are the maximum ordnance, and you need an Okie stamp ($25) on your Colorado hunting license. Stay out of trouble with game wardens. They have no sense of humor.
Regards,
Ric
proudvastrightwingconspirator,
I believe the correct term is “rehab.”
jeff,
I’d like to volunteer my services as photographer for this event.
Actually, Michelle could bring some much needed diversity to the Packed and Stacked calendars…
Hmmm? You rang? I’ll be out with a sack of grenades, some C-4 and a little det cord. We’ll get ‘r done.
Jeff –
Moles, groundhogs, whatever – both are small and have a way of thwarting fences. And hmm, a moleskin poncho. I might have to look into that.
Uh oh…I’ve seen this before. This won’t end well….
Jeff-
Which only confirmed my suspicion that illegal prairie dogs are crossing in from over the border and setting up massive, ramshackle colonies inside our development.
It’s worse than you think…
Not so cute.
BTW, due to the two “previews” I needed to correct my HTML errors, I’ve seen three T/W’s… In order-
“friend”
“against”
“science”
I’ll pray for your salvation . In the meantime , stop breathing for a week or two , carbon footprint and all you know …. REPENT VERMIN RACIST ! … or words to that effect ….
Major John—Ever hunt ground squirrels with a Claymore?
Sounds challenging, but wouldn’t something like a rapier a little more handy?
Oh, you meant the ‘splody kind.
Gonna need alotta little toe tags after that.
MEERKATS!!!!!
Prarie Dogs
Bubonic Plague
Black Death
Ground Hogs….same diff
Quarantine: it’s the only way to be sure.
The proper tool for hunting prairie dogs has been alluded to in another post: the aforementioned Dodge Ram 2500 pickup (gasoline version, not the Diesel). Add a length of dryer-vent hose, deployed from the exhaust trumpet of the truck to the hole. Eat carbon monoxide, vermin. “Cute” is a capital offense.
The hunter sits in the passenger’s seat, sipping Lagavullin and grooving to the CD player. It’s a little boring for the designated driver if public roads must be traversed afterward, but some sacrifices must be made for the Public Good, hmmm?
C4 and grenades are good clean fun, recommended for whiling away a lazy Saturday, but are not the most effective means in this case. For moose infestations, now —
Regards,
Ric
France just made it illegal to be a citizen journalist, Jeff. Once again proving the old adage, WHEN CITIZEN JOURNALS ARE OUTLAWED, ONLY THE OUTLAWS WILL HAVE…ah….CITIZEN JOURNALS!
I will give up my MY CITIZEN JOURNAL when those prarie dogs pry it from my COLD DEAD FINGERS!
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
We used to use bayonets. You need to be patient.
Here’s the mercenary for you. He specializes in gophers but for a price, he’ll take care of the prairie dogs.
C4.
Trust me.
That’s what Carl wound up relying on at Bushwood.
You sure those prairie dogs aren’t from the future . . . taking away all the present prairie dogs’ jobs.