Dear Sirs,

It has come to our attention that in the comments to a post dated 2-19-07 on the web log Protein Wisdom, the poster and proprietor of the web log saw fit to compare a ponderous and pointless writer by the name of Glenn Greenwald at the web site Salon with snake oil salespersons.  I take issue with the implied characterization.  The benefits of snake oil, properly derived and administered, has been recognized throughout the ages.  Egyptian hieroglypics demonstrate that snake oil, judiciously applied, was thought to have been an effective component in the ancients’ arsenal of curatives for scrofula, the gout, logorrhea and the peculiar condition known as cruddies.  Neither were the restorative powers of snake oil unknown to various Native American tribes.  A recent Lancet study shows that snake oil is still favored among modern physicians as a palliative to the side effects of “pwning.”

It is true that remedies purported to be snake oil that were in fact not have been purveyed in the past under the denomination “snake oil,” which in fact often consisted of nothing more than the oleaginous by-products of Macassar oil manufacture, sometimes “filled out” with extracts of newt.  Needless to say, these are ineffective at best and dangerous at the worst.  Modern snake oil production in the United States is overseen with great care under the auspices of this and several affiliated groups, who work closely with leading herpetologists to ensure that all of the oil is 100% snake, with no additives, except for a small quanitity of mercury thimerisol to ensure freshness.  These snakes are raised under humane conditions, and it is against our charter to genetically “tweak” them in any way that would cause more than 20% of their body mass to yield oil.  Every snake oil salesperson in the United States who is licensed to sell snake oil must pass a stringent 3-week course in the varieties of snake oil and their use and proper storage, including a seminar on ethics.  These materials I can provide for you should you wish to peruse them.  Apart from licensure, there is also a judiciary board that oversees compliance, and it is said that it is among the strictest of its kind.

I do not mean to sound too vehement.  Goodness knows it is a common misconception that snake oil salespersons are not to be trusted.  Still, it is time that we put this prejudice behind us in view of the steps that the industry has taken to provide American consumers with the very best snake oil there is to be had anywhere in the world.  I hope that Protein Wisdom will see fit, in fairness, to retract their comment equating snake oil salespersons with sockpuppeteering liars who spout nonsense for money.

Yours sincerely,

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Torvald W. O’Leary

President, American Union of Concerned Snake Oil Salespersons