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the “an unauthorized addendum to ‘50 Ways to Leave Your Lover‘“ post

51.  Leave her a nice note explaining how you don’t think the relationship is going where you’d hoped it would, and that—rather than artificially extending a moribund romance—it is perhaps best to end things now, while you and she can still part as friends.  Ken.

51 Replies to “the “an unauthorized addendum to ‘50 Ways to Leave Your Lover‘“ post”

  1. Jeff Goldstein says:

    I actually decided to post this instead of an academic examination of Iranian rhetoric, which plays to the identity politics so in fashion with the European and domestic progressives—not to mention anti-semites of various stripes.

    I might get around to doing the other one later, just to piss off Thersites and Atrios.

    But in the meantime, this is going to have to do.

    ENJOY!

  2. RetiredMarine says:

    52.  Get your fat ass out of my house bitch.one36

  3. shank says:

    53.  In the middle of dessert at that fancy French/Szechuan fusion restraunt downtown.

  4. TODD says:

    53. Can I have the jar back? Ya know, the one with my balls in it…..

  5. Pablo says:

    55. Slim Fast and methadone

  6. cjd says:

    56. Amanda, as you are a self-described enemy of the Patriarchy(TM) I feel that you and I cannot remain ideologically compatible for long, so it is perhaps best that we part ways amicably while we still can.  And as much as you graphically write about them, you don’t know sh*t about giving a decent BJ.  But before you go, can you get me another beer?

  7. Carin says:

    56. I lied. Size does matter.

  8. MarkD says:

    57.  Sorry darling, but as the father of Anna Nicole’s baby, I’ve got responsibilities.

  9. McGehee says:

    58. Frame her for murder.

  10. happyfeet says:

    did that always say Ken?

  11. Chris says:

    59. Its not me. Its You. That is why I am dumping you.

  12. TheManTheMyth says:

    Just make sure you don’t append a “p.s.” about how you’ve joined the navy so you can finally be stationed in Yokohama like you’ve been fantasizing about each time you’ve been having sex for the last five years…..

  13. alppuccino says:

    59.  When I authorized you to stick your finger up my anus, it was based on your intelligence that it wouldn’t hurt.  But knowing what I know now, I would not have authorized such a reckless insertion, and I must say, I was fooled into it, and you abused my authorization and bungled the bunghole buggering.

  14. alppuccino says:

    sorry, 60.

  15. tachyonshuggy says:

    You know, there’s only like six different ways to leave your lover that are actually detailed in the song. 

    Unless the first six are free and the rest are only available in a $30 locked PDF at theother44.com. . .Paul’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.

  16. Tai Chi Wawa says:

    61. I feel disrespected; now fetch me that three-pound hammer, a sharp knife, your sister, and your mother.

  17. BJTexs says:

    62. I just don’t know you… No, seriously, I just woke from walking coma and I really don’t know you. Nice rack, though.

  18. B Moe says:

    I usually leave them on a park bench on the other side of town.

  19. eLarson says:

    63.  Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Savior?  Want to talk about it at length?

    (ht: Sam Kinison)

  20. Is there someone else?  Is there someone else, you ask me?  Are you crazy?  There’s everyone else!

    *

  21. Bill D. Cat says:

    Sadly , I think that’s the first post I’ve understood here in a year and a half ……

  22. lonetown says:

    64.  You don’t know me, but I KNOW you.  Let’s leave it that way.

  23. Defense Guy says:

    65.  I know I’ve always told you those shakes are delicious, but honestly, puppies?  I think maybe you should see somebody about that.

  24. me says:

    Does this mean Barbie is available?

  25. happyfeet says:

    Cause I could have sworn I had read that and it said Ben. And I thought, “Ben”? And now it says “Ken” and I’m thinking, “Ken”?

  26. Carin says:

    Happyfeet, obviously we’re taking the same drugs because I, too, thought it said Ben.

  27. BJTexs says:

    Happyfeet and Carin:

    Perhaps you two should form your own seperate support group;

    Quaalludes for Ken?

    Boners and Boy Dolls?

    Diarama Doobies?

    I’m here to help, but don’t get too close…

  28. happyfeet says:

    thanks Carin – Now… is it supposed to be like a note from this “Ken”? I thought it was a list, not a note – it’s a list item *about* a note, which is different than being a note.

  29. happyfeet says:

    BJ – the Ken/Ben phenomenon is VERY REAL.

  30. BJTexs says:

    Of course it it is, absolutely! Here, why don’t you just sit down,. Let’s just have a nice little chat. No, no! You can keep your little Ken doll. Really! Now please eat this. Isn’t that good? It’s a special candy just for you called “klonopin.”

    Hello Carin! Come right in and relax.

    No. my name is not Ben and stop looking at me like that…

  31. Bill D. Cat says:

    Are you guys trying to tell me you did’nt know Barbie hooked up with Tinkywinky ? When that guy says he’s giving head , he MEANS it .

  32. McGehee says:

    66. “I saw this movie on pay cable, and there are just so many things you just won’t be able to do for me. Like, do it standing up. And don’t yell at me that I knew you were a double amputee when I married you, because really, that’s just not helping.”

  33. ken says:

    Well, thanks but I can’t use this one. Nope, it ain’t going where I thought it was but it doesn’t mean the romance is moribund. I’ll pass it on to the next Ken I see, though.

  34. BJTexs says:

    McGehee;

    You are just one sick dude, my friend grin

    Now I must wipe down my desk…

  35. happyfeet says:

    But if it just says “Ken” there like it’s part of that song by David freaking Cassidy or whatever than it’s supposed to rhyme with the previous word and that’s not the case here so…

    So what we know is that in the previous post, Mr. Goldstein was intimating that there may be *change* coming and the next thing we have is this “Ken” leaving notes about how to end a relationship. Ken’s a damn instigator, that’s what Ken is.

  36. BJTexs says:

    Note to self: Up happyfeet’s dosage, search his room for for those little tabs….

  37. Gary says:

    In India, a Moslem male can end a romance (including divorce) in minutes.

    “For more than a decade Muslim women activists in India have been demanding a ban on what is known as “triple talaq” or instant divorce. 

    It is a system wherein a Muslim man can divorce his wife in a matter of minutes.  The issue has been highlighted recently after several Indian Muslims have taken to divorcing their wives by mail, over the phone and even through mobile phone text messages.”

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/3530608.stm

  38. Defense Guy says:

    When you can divorce your wife in the comments section of a blog, then the day of the PATRIARCHY will truly have arrived.

  39. mishu says:

    67. On the tiled wall next to the bathtub, place a post-it note that says, “Call 911”.

  40. mishu says:

    Crap. I meant.

    67. On the tiled wall next to the ice filled bathtub, place a post-it note that says, “Call 911”.

    It’s all in the delivery folks.

  41. SteveG says:

    Sorry about the poison load…

  42. If you listen to rap, which I try to avoid, Ken does rhyme with friends.

  43. happyfeet says:

    Music from the seventies is so much work.

  44. SweepTheLegJohnny says:

    Pass legislation to cut of funding of said marriage…….at least that’s what I would do.

    …or send her hunting with Dick Cheney.

  45. oh, I figured Ben just came up with a different way already.

  46. The_Real_JeffS says:

    68.  John Edward asked me to be his blogmaster, and I can’t turn down the chance to be a part of history. 

    TW: money84.  God, who turned on the Wayback Machine??!?!?!!

  47. Captain Holly says:

    69….Well, you just can’t get past the taste, can you?

  48. happyfeet says:

    it’s like diet coke with splenda

  49. Russ says:

    I’m still kinda pissed at Paul Simon for “Hop on the bus, Gus.”

    Gus?  Gus?

    I mean, really, who the hell names their kid “Gus,” anyway?

  50. daleyrocks says:

    70. Amanda, you’re a wacked out enough bitch to begin with, but when that PMS stuff kicks in you’re like a crazed wolverine on crack.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Oh, and playing Alvin and the Chipmunk records all day long kind of gets on my nerves too.

    I know I can’t ask you to change for me, so I’m outta here BEEYAATCH!!!

  51. For more than a decade Muslim women activists in India have been demanding a ban on what is known as “triple talaq” or instant divorce. 

    Yeah, but do they throw dog poop on their shoes?

Comments are closed.