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My Sweet Embraceable Ewe [Dan Collins]

From Furriskey.  They measure and match 37 dimensions of compatibility.

Chimpanzees fashioning deadly weapons in West Africa.  I’d blame the Chimperor, but the victims are bush babies: still, I think that it’s clear that if not for American hegemony this would not be happening.  Will the UN do anything to stop the genocide being conducted against bush babies?

Bilson Talks About Sex With Mom

Probably be better to say talks with mom about sex, but whatever.

Jessica Simpson Donates Car to Mexican Orphanage

Those orphans can take turns stealing it.  Bwahahahaha!  I’d say I was kidding, but I lived in Mexico City for a year.

Jessica Simpson is proving that she is not just a pretty face.

She has a face?  I hadn’t noticed.

Searchers have recovered the body of a Norwegian tourist they believe triggered an avalanche in Big Cottonwood Canyon, making him the fourth person to die in Utah in the past week.

Oh, sure.  Blame it on the searchers.

Also, that’s an amazingly low death rate, even for a state with the population of Utah.

Thanks for the revised title, ahem

15 Replies to “My Sweet Embraceable Ewe [Dan Collins]”

  1. shank says:

    American hegemony my ass.  It’s fucking Global Warming!

  2. Shanghai_Flyer says:

    Near big black monoliths, apes tend to do this all the time

  3. Important Friday news:

    Teeth and bones from two mammoths, giant sloths, camels, giant turtles, saber-toothed cats, and “armadillos the size of Volkswagen Beetles,” have been discovered in Pinellas county, Florida.

  4. Dan Collins says:

    American hegemony my ass

    Heh.

  5. slackjawedyokel says:

    “Sheeplover Accessories”

    Man, that’s just SO wrong.

    Even in New Zealand.

  6. Dan Collins says:

    “Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaah,” he said, sheepishly.

  7. furriskey says:

    the body of Vegard Lund, 37, of Stavanger, Norway, was found at about 10:15 a.m. Thursday in an avalanche area near Gobbler’s Knob.

    “Gobbler’s Knob”? And you complain about a few simple sheep accessories?

  8. furriskey says:

    it’ll be Felcher’s Gulch next

  9. slackjawedyokel says:

    it’ll be Felcher’s Gulch next

    I’m still looking for Britney’s Fold.

  10. N. O'Brain says:

    Well, Ace had the weapon using chimp story up, and I said as long as they don’t invent a poo-flinging atlatl, we’re in good shape.

  11. Slartibartfast says:

    Bilson Talks About Sex With Mom

    You know, when I first read that, it scanned as Bison Talks About Sex With Mom.  And then I wondered when Mom had an opportunity to be around cattle.

    It’s probably best if I don’t comment anymore today.

  12. Percy Dovetonsils says:

    I’m still looking for Britney’s Fold.

    Frankly, I’m shocked that the Bilson article didn’t feature hot mom/daughter luvvin’.  That’s advertising as false as Jeff’s evil bait n’ switch on Britney’s fold.

    But ”Bison talks about sex with mom?” That’s just wrong.

    TW:  “art69” – I think Jeff gave his mindreading Turing Word generator a new tuneup, cause it seems to be working as good as new.

  13. CockLikeAHorse says:

    Its like the “embracing skeletons” story all over again.  Did any of you guys read the linked article?  Notice how, in paragraph two, our friends at the AP pompously conclude that this proves that chicks are superior to dudes because the chick chimpanzees are fashioning the spears?  So does this mean that dudes invented the left-wing and were the original pussofascists?  They’re confusing me….

  14. ahem says:

    Dan: You missed a great title opp. It should have been, “My Sweet Embraceable Ewe.”

  15. Steve Skubinna says:

    Aha, more evidence of Smirkychimp W. Pretzelchoker McHitlerburton’s hatred of African persons of color!

Comments are closed.