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You know what today is, brother.  Come on—give us what we want, why don’t you –?

—I would, honestly.  But it turns out the little guy ate some bad pico de gallo with his lunchtime enchiladas and, after spending his entire afternoon on the crapper with an old plastic bucket by his feet, took off a few hours ago for Arizona, his plan being to hitch-hike to Douglas and join up with a Minutemen encampment along the border.

Which to some of you might seem laudable or even patriotic—but for my part, I’m bit worried that he camouflaged himself as a tamale and took with him nothing but two cans of Diet Sprite, his Heckler & Koch PSG1 sniper rifle, and a shitload of ammo.

28 Replies to “You know what today is, brother.  Come on—give us what we want, why don’t you –?”

  1. Bill D. Cat says:

    It’s cool man . Ate a hamburger kept warm under a heatlamp from a gas station in Browning , Montana a few years back . Needless to say it made me a little grumpy as well .

  2. CochinoMarrano says:

    And yet, still laudable.

  3. Steven Jens says:

    I’ve been there, man.

  4. happyfeet says:

    Does ammo come in any other unit?

  5. Rob B. says:

    I’m not sure what the spanish is for “armadillo stuffed tamale” is but, considering that we’ve run illegals out of my cousins grey hound barn where they were eating the dog food and hiding from INS on the way out of the Nuevo Laredo, that critter better be a crack shot.

  6. lee says:

    Well, if the armoured rodent isn’t going to dance, maybe with a shitload of ammo he can get some wetback hopping like a Mexican Jumping Bean.

    Now that would be entertainment!

    (yeah timmy, I said “wetback”, just for you. To signify an illegal arriving through the Rio Grande. I hope you are properly outraged.)

  7. bobonthebellbuoy says:

    Bad mexican food just outside of Sacremento. Reason enough to kill…..nah just wing em.

  8. ahem says:

    These days, you think he’d be better off disguising himself as a falafel sandwich. Or maybe a nice tasty plate of hummus dip. He could hide in a blind of pita triangles until they got closer and closer to him and then…bammo!!! I understand thick tomato slices offer pretty good cover if they were still alive and returned fire.

    Maybe next time.

  9. Boss429 says:

    Well, he’d have a lot more fun with My Winchester model 70 .22-250 and a couple boxes of my reloads. ~4000 fps 52 gr boattailed hollow points are varmit stoppers, but only sting wet backs at 400 yards, kinda like playing whack-a-mole at the county fair.

  10. Bill D. Cat says:

    Bad mexican food just outside of Sacremento. Reason enough to kill…..nah just wing em.

    Shoot to kill ‘lil guy . Shoot to kill .

  11. N. O'Brain says:

    Why did the dip hummus?

    ‘Cause he didn’t know the words.

  12. McGehee says:

    Bad mexican food just outside of Sacremento.

    I grew up in Sacramento and I’m pretty sure I ate at the place you’re talking about.

  13. David Ross says:

    I’ll see if I can head him off and convince him to dress like a venti latte. Those Californians have it comin’.

  14. rss says:

    What happened to the “cuntlicking bitchslut” post that shows up in RSS but not on your site?

  15. Dan Collins says:

    rss–

    A cuntlicking bitchslut complained, so I pulled it from the site.

    Actually, some decent people objected, so I nuked it; because I could give a rat’s ass about cuntlicking bitchsluts.

  16. happyfeet says:

    It was like performance art. Ephemeral, yet redolent in its way.

  17. rss says:

    I’m on your side with this.  However, amanda cutthroat took a slagging for erasing history from her site.  The kind of history found in that post.  Maybe you could put it back online with some appropriate bleepage for the faintharted?

    I guess the situation is different, since yours was strangled in the crib and not allowed to mature like the posts cutthroat pulled.

  18. Dan Collins says:

    I don’t have a copy, rss, but the gist was, I said some vile things, and then I said don’t take it seriously because it’s all just a sardonic commentary on society, man.  So, if you’re a rugeater, pull the short hairs out of your teeth and lighten up.

    Defense Guy and ahem were offended by the post and asked me to pull it down.  Because I think it’s important to respect the sensibilities of others, even if they disagree with me, I did so.

    Then I took my wife to see The Marriage of Figaro.

    See, the other difference, rss, is that some people are capable of shame.

  19. Dan Collins says:

    I’ll tell you what.  If you want to write something about how hypocritical I am for slagging Amanda, make something up and publish it.  I won’t kick.  I’ll just say, “Whatever.  It’s about as offensive as the stuff they published.” And I’ll let y’all work it out.  Sound good?

  20. George S. "Butch" Patton (Mrs.) says:

    You know those gassy diet Sprites are gonna play hell with his sight picture, right?

  21. Then I took my wife to see The Marriage of Figaro.

    was that today? cause I’m thinking you’re back too early, or else they butchered it, i’m curious.  (i was startin to learn susanna this time last year.)

  22. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Uh, I don’t read my own rss feed, but I’d hate to find out that people are dropping my site because of some over-the-top vulgarity.

    I have a reputation for being, well, earthy, but it’s largely apochryphal.  A lot like the chainsaw scene in Scarface—where the violence is suggested rather than actually shown in all its gore.

    Let’s try to keep that timbre.

  23. Dan Collins says:

    Yes, that was yesterday, Maggie.  Mary was tired, so we left before the 4th, but no, they didn’t butcher it.  It was the Bulgarian National Opera, and it really was quite good.

  24. SGT Ted says:

    But it turns out the little guy ate some bad pico de gallo with his lunchtime enchiladas and, after spending his entire afternoon on the crapper with an old plastic bucket by his feet, took off a few hours ago for Arizona, his plan being to hitch-hike to Douglas and join up with a Minutemen encampment along the border…

    Well, he’s not at home humping your vacuumbot.

    So, there’s a plus.

  25. Sticky B says:

    bad pico de gallo?

    No such thing.

    TW: quite69 Now that could get interesting.

  26. Yes, that was yesterday, Maggie.  Mary was tired, so we left before the 4th, but no, they didn’t butcher it.  It was the Bulgarian National Opera, and it really was quite good.

    cooool, I didn’t mean to imply it was bad, there’s often lots of cutting. the thing is something like four and half hours if they do all the music and I don’t think I’ve heard it cut to less than three.

  27. MarkD says:

    I hope the little guy has an alibi for the three dead border jumpers…

  28. Rusty says:

    You know those gassy diet Sprites are gonna play hell with his sight picture, right?

    Posted by George S. “Butch” Patton (Mrs.)

    On the plus side he DOES have a 20 round magazine. On the minus side those nasty enchelada farts are going to give his position away.

Comments are closed.