There are eight million stories in the naked city—a vanishingly small number of which, sadly, feature hookers dressed in cotton candy mini skirts and a protagonist named “Fudgy.”
I blame the trans-fat police. And of course the entire state of New Jersey.
Yeah, but they keep showing re-reruns.
BECAUSE OF THE PATE!
But how many calories are there in the Naked Lunch, that’s the question.
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind and spirit to withstand the slings and arrows of outrageous restrictions, or to mix metaphors against a sea of trans fat…
And really…. in a Naked City, there are just some things you would rather not see.
I like my beer “cold”, my fat “trans” and my homosexuals “flaming.” ~ Homer Simpson
How did you get ahold of my novel?
Oh yeah. But you’re gonna see them anyway, and like a train wreck, you won’t be able to look away.
. . . a lusty tale of heroics and hyperglycemia.
As a ute, I tuned into “The Naked City” thinking I would see “naked”. Having been burned once I didn’t fall for “Sex In The City” thinking I’d actually see sex.
It’s not New Jersey that is the problem; it’s North Jersey. Get it right or I’ll have my cousin Ferdinand come and “visit” you.
I blame New York. Bloomberg. Hillary WhatEverNamePollsBest. Spitzer. Schumer. Pataki. Bruno. Silver.
Because I’m an equal opportunity blamer.
TW: lines11 Now Jeff is setting meup for a drug bust. I blame everybody!
In one of those Pulp-Fiction-plate-of-shrimp moments, former Jersey senator Robert Toricelli’s nickname is “Fudgy.”
Hot time, naked in the city,
Sit on the stoop and my crack gets gritty.
New Jersey?
Methinks thou art confused.
Nanny Mike is the true cause of trans-fatphobia, second hand-smokephobia, and who knows what’s to come? Mayor Nanny Mike claims to have saved thousands of lives with his smoking ban. What a martyr!
I hear he is even going to put up a memorial wall with the names of all the dead waiters, waitresses, and bartenders who died because they worked in a second hand smoke enviornment. I mean, forget the fact that one NYC bus puts out as much pollution in a day as all the smokers combined.
I love feel good politics!
Cotton candy… and “Fudgie” the whale.
Puts me in a NY State of Mind.
J
‘cause the other way ‘round gives us fat hookers, and the ‘dillo won’t even go there…
There you go again.
You just had to bring New Jersey into it, huh?
You fascist.
Damn!
Now thanks to you, there are only 7,999,999 stories left in the naked city.
Hey! Leave New Jersey alone! I’ve never been there. Only met one person who actually admitted being from there. But, when I play that game where you put the states on the map, I always can get New Jersey in the right place.
Jeff,
How am I supposed to troll here when I don’t understand your posts?
Never stopped you before.
Keep your knees bent and loose and go with the flow, stevie.
. . . a tale that will make your heart break and your teeth ache.
Hey now, there’s some great wine from New Jersey….
“I wanna go to the maaaaaaaalll!!!!!”
From South Jersey. And..
“I wanna go to Flooooorrrriiiiidaaaaaaa!!!”
From North Jersey.
/wife’s from South Jersey
/poor
It’s not so much about understanding them, Stevers.
Its about mapping the space between ‘Oh Emm Gee’ and ‘Dubya Tee Eph’ and building a convenience store there.
Big traffic on thar internets between those places.
Oh, and watch out fo rthe armadillo.
Little begger tried to knife me the other day.
. . . a convenience store that just might sell Fudgy’s Chocolate Chippies . . .
Welcome back, Jeff.
New Jersey?
What exit?
Exit 7A. What’s it to you?
Lived in South Jersey while in the service, no nakedness there……
Had drinks before a Giants game at Murphy’s Pub. Do not–and I repeat, do not–attempt to go hand to hand with the natives in Jersey. First blody marys, then POUND the Heinekens. It was memorably brutal. Oh, I think the Giants won the game…
I live in New Jersey. Right smack in the middle. Central Jersey. This state, in a word, blows. South Jersey is awful. North Jersey is awful. Central Jersey contains the capital, Trenton, which also routinely achieves “Top 10 Most Dangerous Cities” mentions. The only parts of Jersey that are nice are the wooded bits where very few people live.
I could (and have) deliver a 5 minute monologue on the reasons why Jersey sucks. In the interest of time and common decency, I’ll refrain from that right now.
Beck,
I lived on Barnegat Island NJ nice place. But the Jersey woods? Don’t you guys still have that pesky Jersey Devil still lurking around, that and moonshiners right?
Beck – That’s why I’m from New Jersey!
Hey now, there are lots of great places in Jersey, like….
and….
and….
(rimshot)
J
When I was a youngster we had a Jersey cow. Ol’ hussy gave up about a gallon a day from a bale of hay. The way I got it figured that was about a bale to the gallon.
We have a God given right to have some fat black hooker with big tits stick them on our driver’s side window when waiting in traffic at the Lincoln Tunnel to get back to Jersey.
I can afford the Windex bill.
Remeber the old New Jersey state motto:
“New Jersey – What The Fuck Are YOU Lookin’ At?”
on big signs all over the place.