proteinwisdom: Say, you’re in Iraq, right?
indcbill: i hope so, otherwise the soldiers over here are shooting at the wrong brown people
proteinwisdom: Do me a favor, then, would you? See what you can find out about this Maliki memo?
indcbill: sure. when i’m not going on night time raids through raw sewage with the iraqi army
indcbill: and taking headers into rivers of shit
indcbill: crap up to my ankles and face planted into a wall
proteinwisdom: Well, yeah. I mean, you’ll definitely want to make yourself presentable when you’re asking around for me. Remember: You represent your country, brother.
proteinwisdom: Anyway, serious question:
proteinwisdom: Seen any of those giant flying man-eating desert spiders yet?
indcbill: no. there are no giant spiders
proteinwisdom: Well, just keep your eyes peeled. The AUMF was based in part upon our belief that they exist in stockpiles, and Congress would never mislead the nation into war by making up a bunch of garbage about giant flying man-eating spiders.
proteinwisdom: Besides, the vast majority of the world’s intelligence agencies believed them to be there, too.
proteinwisdom: Not only that, but Colin Powell showed pics and satellite images, and produced intercepts of giant flying man-eating spiders chatting about the best way to trap a baby camel in a makeshift dune web.
indcbill: Are you on dope?
proteinwisdom: Of course. But that’s beside the point. Question:
proteinwisdom: Do you think those spiders could be dual-use arachnids?
indcbill: I dont know what you are talking bout
proteinwisdom: Well, just consider: maybe the Ba’athist holdouts have wrapped the giant flying man-eating spiders in tinfoil and camouflaged them as those stainless steel arcade claws used to snatch up a stuffed animals or buck knives. Then, when President Obama withdraws coalition troops, BAM! The spiders are unleashed, and the country is overrun.
proteinwisdom: Because let’s face it, Bill. Giant flying man-eating spiders don’t just disappear.
proteinwisdom: Although there’s always a chance Saddam used the run-up to the war to smuggle the beasts into the Bekka Valley.
proteinwisdom: Either way, I SMELL A CONSPIRACY!
indcbill: i have to go now
indcbill: and btw?
indcbill: take it easy on the hookah
proteinwisdom: Will do. And you, my friend, keep alert for those giant killer spiders.
proteinwisdom: That fly.
proteinwisdom: Because it would, like, totally suck to travel all the way to Iraq in the middle of the war, dodging insurgents and IEDs, only to get eaten by some sneaky furry land crab.
Now that is some high-grade free pie, ladies and gents.
Some people pay good money for that.
My money is on “anonymous,” from a previous “thread.”
FEAR MY KNOWLEDGE OF THE CANTOS!
Man, I saw a slide slow featuring some of the ugliest spiders I have ever seen and they were pretty large. Apparently, they didn’t want to eat Marines, as none of my cousin’s platoon was lost to spiders. What makes a country more beautiful than giant spiders, violence, and desert? The Iraqi tourism has a lot of work to do
I’m with indcbill on that one.
If they’re crabs, they’re good eatin’.
They also go away if you shave everything and use a special soap. Your doctor can get it for you.
Does this mean we don’t have enough doctors in Iraq?
Damn Bush endangering our troops with giant crabs!
For Steve Ex-Expat’s sake.
Oops. Should have included this, too.
Well of course not. Marines are hard to chew.
Objection! Leading the witness, your Honor…
SB: force31
From Navarone
OMIGOD! Chimpy McHitlerBurton has reduced Iraq to such destitution that they’ve been forced to eat all the giant spiders!
With Bill talking about rivers of crap and having his face against a wall, I could swear he’s describing his last trip to Lodo rather than Iraq.
McGehee, apparently the rules of engagement are more liberal for spiders too. According to my cousin, there wasn’t nearly as much paperwork either
Wait’ll one of the spiders sues over damage to its bridgework.
President Obama? Would that make us an Obama nation?
JWebb, that pun was an Obama nation.
As a navy entomologist serving with the Marines during desert Storm, I had occasion to deal with these camel spiders – Solpugids. The largest I encountered (Galeodes arabs) had a legspan of 11 inches – could have stood flat-footed and raped a turkey! We fed it mice, which it promptly tore to piece a la Starship Troopers.
We also had one Marine receive 9 stitches to the lip from one of these critters. I can only imagion what he was trying to do with it.
So…your cousin is a spider?