Question for those readers I haven’t chased off with my infamous desire to indiscriminately carpet bomb brown peoples, or with my propensity to exhibit a bloodthirstiness rarely seen outside of a Michael Moore backyard barbecue: what features would you like to see added to protein wisdom to bring it into the 21st century? Besides a “progressive” worldview that would put me in line with certain polls and prove to my betters that I am easily manipulated by bandwagon appeals, I mean?
And no, scratch and sniff is not an option just yet.
Thanks for the feedback—the majority of which I’ll ignore. But what the hell, you may as well give it a shot, right?
Free pie?
Bunnies.
I too vote pie.
Oh and if we could get some more hypocrisy around here that would be good as well, as you can never have too many capital letters.
Almost forgot, if you could invent something that would allow us to stab someone in the face over the intertubes that would be great. Thanks.
Heh.
Seriously, though. Any features you’ve found on other sites you’d like to see incorporated here?
I’m going to make it easier to subscribe to feeds, I’ve added a “digg this” doohicky (which I’ll fix later), and—owing to being new homeowner—I’ll probably have to add some more ads that you can ignore at your leisure / peril.
How about “Deep Thoughts, by CraigC?”
Get a large piece of paper, at least 2 feet by 1.5 feet. In the middle, put your blog. On the right side, put all the basic issues you have written long pieces about. On the left, put all of your interests (no particular order, but nest them), thus, Jane Austen goes under Brit Lit or possibly Clit Lit but not all by herself.
At the top put things you don’t know anything about but would like to know more about—known unknowns.
At the bottom, put your ambitions and things you would like to do before somebody starts shouting “Moqtada” at you.
When you are done you will have a draft of who you are.
Now use that for another draft. Once you have a version that is neat, clean, and cohesive, fill it out.
It seems to me than any one of those categories is worth at least a 5 page double spaced think piece. (former teacher here) But you are an intellectual, so you can easily do 10 K words for each category. So, write them. Put them on the right side of your masthead. Improve thereon.
Now, you will have to distinguish between things that are kind of static (“Why I Like Bogart”) and things that are dynamic (“Iraq War”). Put the static things below the dynamic categories.
You can write these things anyway you want but what you do want to do is to make these pieces self-contained.
Now, then, while in the process of doing the 80-280 individual papers defining your personality, you might also want to write something grander, say, 20 K, 30 K, or more. IOW, journal or even book length thing. That goes at the tip top.
Also, focus on writing every day. You need peace and quiet. You need to listen to the voice in your head. You need discipline. 2-3 hours should be enough to do at least 1 K words a day.
Go plain speaking first. You can spruce it up later.
Good luck!
I see dead people.
A spellchecker that would allow commenters, like myself, that are keyboard-challenged to catch their mispellingssss would be nice.
Maybe some anti-troll software, but then again engaing them is part of the fun sometimes.
And, as always, more of Anna Nicole!!!! That chick cracks me up and since Martha got out of prison she’s the funniest ongoing bit here at PW IMHO.
A pony. And even better, fro the way-back machine: permanent picture placement of that sassy gal flipping the back of her too-short skirt up. The one you used to publicize the blog convention/carnival/whatever in Denver a couple years ago.
No, in fact I don’t get out/up much.
Cordially…
you need a chat room! heh heh
Well, sorry about the dead people.
The point is that a blog is a blog but to get an ongoing audience (and to get a rep and exposure) you have to have substantial stuff that people will hit on search engines, etc.
For example, I got to think blog via Michelle. (I actually didn’t post until the big She Who Will Not Be Named Flap in July.) But I got to Michelle from reading her column, and from hearing her book about Japanese internment camps, etc.
So, do the same.
NB: I don’t think constant updates, e.g., read this link, read that link, are as important as substantial commentary or writing.
More cowbell.
Minibikes.
Dancing girls.
uh, hello? sexy rimless glasses?
I think Steve must be really new around here.
Writing of substance has always been part of the PW experience (at least before the guest posters screwed the place up), along with the armadillo and red pills found behind the sofa cushions, which are subtantive in a different way.
On topic, I can’t think of any changes I would like to see. All the navigation stuff I ever use is already in place.
Less wise-ass, how about a mobile version? something that doesn’t take all day to load on my precious…
I mean my Blackberry.
TW: only21. Meaning the dancing girls, right? So they can serve drinks?
courage
Fewer trolls who use the same name my parents gave me.
“Welcome to… THE MOJO ZONE!”
BWAHAHAHAhahahahahahaha!….
SB: plans89
evil, of course.
and rubber sheets.
I second proudvastrightconspirator. As one of the world’s worst typists, i would love a spell check deature. And, more topless chicks. Could you also discuss in detail the future of the 2007 Cincinnati Reds and how they will suck for the 8th year in a row?
Politics and baseball? You would control the world.
Sorry, that should be “or”.
Tits. More tits.
TW: hundred48. Yeah, 148 tits would be about right.
Can we earn frequent flyer miles by visiting this site? Every bit helps.
I have a feeling rubber would be wasted on you, david. Although lord knows your dad coulda used one.
Jeff,
You should quote verses from the Koran at Christmastime about Jesus and Mary to exhibit your inclusiveness and tolerance to the rest of the world.
I’m pleased to announce that Jeff has already arranged to provide this service. Through his great influence (after all, he is a Jooooo), he has prevailed upon Mozilla to release a thing called Firefox 2.0—which includes spell-check on-the-fly while filling out web forms.
Just one more way in Jeff gets you what you want. Now go up there and hit his tip jar to show your gratitude.
Jeff, are we talking a site-redesign here?
Because I’m not picky – just give me commentary and RSS feeds. But, FWIW, the cleaner and simpler a blog, the more I like it.
IMO…
No more guest bloggers. Please.
More tits. Pretty please.
What about a Mr. Armadillo appearance? Can’t he guest-blog or something?
Keep calling bullshit, Bullshit, when you see it and care enough too write about it. For me, your writings re “words and their meanings” was why I started coming around here. Our very language is being stolen out from under us, and you have shown more focus on that fact and elucidated same, better than anyone else around.
Spell check is nice, though I think iespell works pretty well. But a grammar checker would be even better for those of us (OK-just me) who can’t write worth a damn.
More tribbing and red pills ! Oh , and what Luther said ,I guess .
Oh goody, goody, goody. Now that you ask, I’d like to see the name of the author of a comment precede the comment. I’ve been beyond sick and tired of accidentally reading a paragraph or two of idiotic comments from semenface, actup, etc. If they really did post thoughtful points and rebuttals it would be one thing but they just spew mind numbing talking points or regale us with inaccurate historical points.
As to content…sheesh, who are we to judge The Master when it comes to insightful and entertaining commentary and general non-sequiters.
Jeff’s adventures in home improvement. Like Hometime, only with more babes. And nail guns, because they look like fun.
(Actually, I’ve got one and they are WAY better than trying to swing a hammer inside a skylight shaft on the top of a ladder.)
On a serious note, a glossary of terms when you get all technical on us with this deconstruction terminology. I went to school when nuns beat us with rulers for not being able to diagram sentences.
At some risk to self, the ability to vote some commenters off the Island?
Two words baby:
More. Manatee. Porn.
Wait. That’s three words.
Nevermind.
The ability to deliver small electric shocks to others would be kind of cool.
I’m still not down with the whole RSS thing. I’m one of those OCD-types who will reload the main page two to five times per day.
Firefox spell checking is awesome. Thanks, Jeff!
About the only thing I can think of, feature-wise, is a prominent link to that Dan Collins guy’s personal site after you send out eviction notices. Other than the rare posts on some interesting feminist/emasculation topics by an irregular, Dan’s maintained a rather high level of quality in his posts and kept me stopping by just as often as before.
I really wish you could arrange to have Martha Stewart serve some more time in the pen. That, and what’s her name’s nipples.
Tits are good, so is pie, so is Dan Collins.
I see a once-per-week graphic non-sequitur for entertainment value. Just to lighten it up from the linguistics and decon, and stimulate sideways thinking.
I can expand on the idea, but think pulp fiction covers from the 1930s.
You could probably toss a little Autorantic Virtual Moonbat up on the sidebar for those cold, lonely nights where there’s no one here to scream at you while you beat them to a pulp. I hear that it at least likes books now. Common ground is good.
Or, maybe a little more color in the background would be good. It is awfully white around here.
Oh, and we haven’t seen Shannon Elizabeth in a while.
More dumb bombs.
All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine.
Oh, yeah. And the occasional Goldstein smackdown of a halfwitted troll.
A bar. This place needs a saloon and a bunch of colorful charachters to inhabit it.
Shannon Elizabeth.
You should go on a drinking tour. I’ll buy you a drink if you come to Kansas City. OK, several. Just have to find a bar that allows armadillos. Can’t be that hard in my neighborhood, having seen some of the existing clientele.
Balloon fence, baby!
Actually, Jeff, I think you were doing great without us rethugs telling how to do it better. Keep up the good work and all will be good.
Oh, and I second all requests for breastses. I love breastses.
Bars with armadillos?
Where do you put the dollar bills?
I like the electric shock idea (insert snide guffaw here)
The idea of a taser shooting out of the monitor of a troll made me happy
This is the bible belt, baby. They’re required to wear G-strings for purposes of accepting tips. And pasties.
Shannon Elizabeth. </blockquote>
No, Milla Jovovich. You can cut glass with her nips.
Hmm, let’see.
RSS feed, check.
Spell checker, check.
A Martha Stewart comeback, check.
Posts from the armadillo, check.
Jeff’s adventures in home improvement, check.
Sexy rimless glasses, check.
Guest bloggers, check.
A grammar checker, check.
Twisted Haiku, check.
I got it!!
Nude female mud-wrestling cage matches
from your back yard!
It could be a pay per view kinda thing.
This is got ‘class’written all over it baby!
(Unfortunately, it’s the kind of class you take the short bus to get to.) But then that’s why it’ll be so successful! Think of the cross over audience you’ll get.
Man, I’m tellin ya. This is the hottest idea
since chia loafers!
Seriously, thanks to the guest bloggers, they’re great, but more Goldstein would do just fine.
A return to White Trash Wednesdays
They’re required to wear G-strings for purposes of accepting tips. And pasties.
Not only that, but you should see the little guy get them babies spinnin’ in opposite directions!
Friggin’ AWESOME, dude!
Oh, and:
More Noir!
(If anybody needs me, I’ll be watching I Wake Up Screaming, with Vic Mature and Betty Grable followed by Fallen Angel with the sultry Linda Darnell. Growwwwwwl…)
More Jeff Goldstein posts.
Not that I haven’t enjoyed the guest posters, but PW = JG.
Crap, I really gotta lay off the nicotine patches.
I read Mojo’s last demand as “Moire,” which makes no damn sense whatsoever.
1. Washroom attendant, and cloth towels. I mean, nothing says class establishment like a washroom attendant, even if it is a strip joint, and some guy’s puking in the next stall over, it’s still damn classy.
2. One of those Metalstorm rapid fire guns linked to a patchouli sensing targeting system. Just because.
Pie, tits and midget porn…..
Chintz drapes.
1. More JG video! Don’t wait for other sites to ask you for guest appearances. Draft some shows, or just leave some cameras running in the Goldstein household (especially where Satch is inclined to toddle through). Then you will truly have a reality-based site.
2. Orthodox, evangelical, Christian theological commentary, from an under-appreciated scholar to whom you will remit big bucks. I volunteer.
3. A chat room! Post the hours during which our beloved JG will participate. Axe the trolls in real-time. What larks!
T&T
You know, I betcha there’s a book in all of the PoMo deconstruction you’ve done here over the last couple of years. I’d be interested in seeing you start it online.
“How Armadillos Eat Post Modernists For Breakfast”
As soon as I can contact my stand-in commenter, I’ll have him contact your stand-in posters for site enhancement recommendations. (Seriously – no changes. Just exclusive JG content, please).
wax lips
Okay, Jeff; this is the hard, cold, truth:
The problem with writing humor–impossible as it is–is that people take the writer for an intellectual light-weight. Even S.J. Perleman could’nt carry it off. Seriously: he’s an intellectual footnote in American letters. Clue?
Writing humor is like admitting you can do crewel work with your toes crossed behing your back–highly skilled, but, ultimately, unimpressive. The only prosperous humorist I know of–Dave Barry–makes a living catering to people who like booger jokes. That should tell you something.
If you want to take full advantage of your incredible gifts, you have to get more serious: start evaluating the news from the perspective of someone who can show Americans how the language is being manipulated against them by the Left. It would be an incredible service to the average voter and might possibly help us save our democracy. No one else is doing this and you’d have the field to yourself.
By all means, continue to add the humorous and experimental material that has made you so popular, but use it in smaller proportion. The important thing is that you help people evaluate what they’re reading so they can free themselves of the bonds of ignorance. That’s your mission, if you want to accept it.
Decide if blogging is a hobby or a vocation. If it’s a hobby, keep doing what your’ree doing–it’s great. If it’s a vocation, aspire to be as good as Mark Steyn and start being a leader of men.
* Perhaps a top 99-100 or so list of movies from each decade … that’d be nice.
* With all the cobloggers, you could actually go all ‘Huffington Post’ like and segregate out content by author. Or, in the alternative, keep a Goldstein’s Corner that tracks the last three or four posts you’ve written.
* Bill Ardolino went to Iraq – you could podcast every once in a while from a gun range in the Greater Denver area and have some people yelling in the background.
* Jeff Goldstein’s ‘My Inner Woman’ – a regular feature where the softer, gentler side of Jeff gets a chance to speak.
* A podcast of Jeff reading his RSS feed with live commentary – provides insight to the plebes how a veteran blog reader acquires and processes information in a near-realtime fashion.
* In the alternate – record a session of your looking at blog sites using a screen capture program and have ‘Jeff Uses His Computer’ segment.
* Web cam a chia pet that’s been altered in some vaguely pornographic feature. Have the live feed in the upper corner.
* Movie Reviews in Seven Words or Less
* Glenn Greenwald Summaries in 3 words or less.
–
I really don’t care how you do it, I’m just glad you’re coming back. I’m not putting down your guest bloggers but you da Man!
TW – get19,,,,,,,,,,,, I wish.
Hey! What happened to Hoist the Black Flag? You promised to get better equipment, and then the house thing, and then nothing. Kick Ace in the nuts and fire up the podcasting. Kick him again to get better bumper music too.
Oh yeah, bigger page buttons at the bottom. We’re not carney-folk, you know.
Jeff,
You simply can’t improve on perfection (that’s worth a dollar in my G-string, no?).
RSS feeds: never feed RSS’es… it’s a rule or some junk.
Tits: nah, I visit sometimes from work… the tits have a propensity to offend. though they are nice… especially the glass cutting ones…
Drinks: over the intertubes? if it were only possible in real time.. besides the shipping charges are as much as the drinks..
Electric shock/Tazer/Face Stabbing: all nice… but the trolls would have a ‘zap’ button too folks… sort of like the Simpsons at the electroshock therapy session…. round robin muscle twitching… or worse (face stabbing circle jerk?).
You Jeff, that’s what I see most mostly wanting… just more of YOU, mostly.
Oh, and Dan Collins, or the said link to his site (please say ya got one dude… please….).
Nice to see more of YOU lately!
TW: drive96, I’d drive 96 miles to log onto PW with JG at the helm.
Jeff:
In order to improve your blog, you should link to my blog as often as posssible:
http://provocateurjim.blogspot.com/
Daily video commentary from attractive conservative chicks; similar to Hot Air only hotter.
Recruit Steven Den Beste as a co-blogger.
A return of dead trout fisherman.
And don’t give away your pie, man.
Just write. You make me laugh out loud.
“I see dead people,”indeed.
Is this the line for Hitler’s Panties?
That sounds like a winner to me Big Al!
I nominate that girl with the superman body suit as well as the sparkler from TX. (I’m betting no more than 30 seconds until someone adds their urls)
I think “ahem” nailed the nuts. “can free themselves of the bonds of ignorance.”
I am not as smart as many (or most) of your poster’s, and your humor is vital and much appreciated. But your strength is in your defenestration of the bullshit that passes for news, and/or opinion, nowadays’.
Second is, hobby or living? Either is, obviously, OK. But you know, our real war is not beyond our border’s. It is in overcoming the bullshit within our country. The more, and better, voices’ to call bullshit on that ‘truth to power’ crap, the better. We all serve when, where, and how we can.
need13=obvious
I would like a most recent comments feature, or a list of threads with recent comments.
I forgot. Den Beste as co-contributor would be devastating to the currently circulating bullshit. Great suggestion by Scott R.
Geez, Jeff… just keep writing.
Unlike Playboy, most of us really do come here for the articles (that and the intellectual exercise required to chop apart some of your longer sentences).
Nobody comes to PW looking for cheesecake pics or VBIED videos.
Throw the guest bloggers out!
Leave links to Dan and Maggie.
Blog like hell you crazy bastard!
Vlog or guesthost Vent or interview for PJM like, say, Richard Miniter does.
What else… ? … How about a candlelight vigil/pork barbecue for Zack Moussaoui outside of Supermax?
Jeeez.
I see the question, and immediately, I think “boobs”. <sarc>What a HUGE FREAKIN’ SURPRISE it was to see that like half a dozen other people thought the same thing.</sarc>
Seriously, though. Boobs.
TW: Youre15. No. 18 and up please. Don’t wanna get Jeff busted on a kiddie porn rap.
OK. Truth be told, the guests are good, there’s just too darn many of them. The place seems like its got ADHD with the post frequency. That needs to slow down, or, sorry folks, be eliminated.
I love the dear Doctor’s posts, for instance, and Scott, the token sane literary lefty. Collins is good, he just needs to consolidate the shotgun scatter effect. I’m afraid that I’m going to leave someone out here, but that is part of the problem: the volume has been overwhelming at times.
A breathalyzer might be a good idea, also. This would be optional and completely user defined. You set your maximum BAC limit and if you post after this, you get some message like “GOOD GOD! DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SAY THAT?”
Sure, I’m sober now, but well…
All of the guest writers are very good. Those that don’t already have their own sites should. Dan Collins especially has done yeoman’s work. Thanks Dan. Still, the reason I come to Protein Wisdom is to read Jeff Goldstein. There is no other. End of conversation.
Recipes!
(for drinks, of course)
Do Stonehenge!
Exclusive Goldstein posting. And what ahem said. I don’t want to dictate anyone’s career path – but you have a rare gift. Use it to maximum effect.
That, or do whatever brings the most happiness to you and your family – and ignore selfish pleading like mine…
PS to timmy: Baseball and politics is already taken.
And bring back Verc, if you can find him!
Flash games with LASERS PEWPEWPEW!
I comes hear fo de news and I has liked the many writers but dar is just too much of dem!
Youse right! Keep tree good posters, like JW and Danny C and sum1 else sides.
And talk about the neuse. I loves a defferent voice than what I watches at CNN and MSNBC talkin pundits.
Darn ain’t this new spellchecker great in Firefox 2.0! All these neat little red marks. Makes me feel like I am back in skool and the teacher not liking my compistions again.
And lightsabers. Lots of lightsabers.
El Jefe,
Nothing says 21st century like photoshopped images of Keith Olbermann teabagging that chick from firedoglake.
— Uber Pig
(Seriously – no changes. Just exclusive JG content, please).
Et tu, Jon?
start evaluating the news from the perspective of someone who can show Americans how the language is being manipulated against them by the Left.
Ummm, hasn’t he been doing that since, oh, I don’t know…..forever?
Lately it seems like forever since he was doing that.
More Jeff with occasional meaty guest postings from Dan Collins and Karl.
Because you all are my precious.
Looks like it needs cold plasma shields and while we’re at it, photon torpedoes would be nice.
1. Get rid of guest bloggers.
2. More Jeff G. posting.
3. Weekly armadillo update.
Then I will visit regularly again.
Baseball and politics is already taken!Stonehenge!
If you want to see the contents, go to my blog site – http://wdzgx.blogspot.com