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The “the ‘I can’t remember where I left my stupid keys’ poem” poem (or, “squatter’s confession")

for Albert Camus

I can’t remember where

I left my stupid keys.

And yes, I’ve checked my pants

pockets, and looked in the

ignition. 

Thing is, though, it turns out

I have no place I need to be

today, anyway.  Which,

there’s a load off my mind,

I must say…

20 Replies to “The “the ‘I can’t remember where I left my stupid keys’ poem” poem (or, “squatter’s confession")”

  1. RiverCocytus says:

    Man, that’s so my Wednesday poem.

    Telecommuting rocks.

  2. Rob says:

    I’m not the poet you are, Jeff, but here’s my lament for today:

    A crown fell off my tooth today

    No big deal

    I have crazy glue

    Just clean it off, and….

    crap

    dropped it

    where the HELL did it go?

    hours later, it must have bounced into the tooth

    fairy’s hands

    Can’t afford to get it replaced

    I look rather silly

    Like a moonbat

  3. Tai Chi Wawa says:

    Yeah, just think of where you’d be if you didn’t not have your key.

  4. Dan Collins says:

    stupid keys

    What Jeff said, times infinity.

  5. Pablo says:

    Thanks, Jeff. I needed that.

  6. Jenn says:

    I left my stupid keys in my front door once and the drunk guy upstairs found them, and in turn found my beer stocked fridge. He was a moonbat. Had a lovely little I love Gore sticker on both sides of his back bumper.

    That really pissed me off. 1, that I was lame enough to leave the keys in MY door and 2 because I HAD NO BEER LEFT.

  7. Dan Collins says:

    I believe there’s a special place in hell reserved for beer stealers, Jenn.

  8. CraigC says:

    today, anyway.  Which,

    there’s a load off my mind,

    I must say.

    Ok, Ed.

  9. Juan says:

    Confucius say “Man who loses door key gets no new key”

  10. Robert says:

    See? Now THIS is a quality post.

  11. john says:

    “I believe there’s a special place in hell reserved for beer stealers, Jenn.”

    It is a bar with no women and the only beer is Pabst blue ribbon…….but on satans birthday you get Milwaukee’s Beast.  All the pool sticks are warped and the darts are missing all their tips and……Oh my hell its a karaoke bar…shit!

  12. mojo says:

    Once there was a man

    A man who lost his keys

    The man’s name was Elliot.

    TS, Elliot.

    That’s what you get for spouting all that

    “cruelest month” crapola

    And use some punctuation, would you?

  13. Slartibartfast says:

    The only thing worst than Pabst is Blatz.  Wait…strike that…warm Blatz.

  14. A fine scotch says:

    Hey, Gennessee Cream Ale is waaaaaay worse than PBR.

  15. ahem says:

    Look on the bathroom floor?

  16. Alice H says:

    You don’t have multiple sets for just this occasion?  Well, this occasion and when the barkeep takes your keys…

  17. Drumwaster says:

    Might I suggest the waistcoat pocket of the coat your great-grandfather wore at the Battle of Verdunne?

    TW: This won’t work in all cases86

  18. Bill D. Cat says:

    Phone information , they know .

  19. ugh, guys, you’re forgetting the obvious. Mrs. Goldstein will find them a couple seconds after he asks her about them.  at least, that’s how it works at my house…. I’M TRYING TO SLEEP RTO!!! How long does it take to find your keys!? Fine, I’ll get out of bed make a bee-line for his keys (usually. there’s the rare occasion I’ve had to look more than one place) here. now get to work! THAT’S WHY THERE ARE HOOKS NEXT TO THE DOOR!!!! do you guys ever USE them? no. they are for sissies. smart sissies that always know where their keys are and can leave the house whenever they feel like it. ;p

  20. Big Bang hunter says:

    a haiku that, for no reason whatsoever, imagines Nancy Pelosi as a one of those nubile young starlets, shooting the man in the moon’s eye…..

    Tell it straight Harry,

    When you look at my hips hon

    Do you see Frisco?

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