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My Horoscope is a Bad Influence [Dan Collins]

WTF?

You may be thinking some bizarre thoughts today, dear Aries, that may lead you in some tangent direction not quite pertaining to your current situation. Don’t be afraid to let your brain explore these strange realms, for you may gain some important insight that you wouldn’t have necessarily seen otherwise. Wisdom can be found in the most unlikely places so don’t discount something because it may seem a bit off the wall at first.

Nice try.  I’m still not having sex with that turkey carcass.

45 Replies to “My Horoscope is a Bad Influence [Dan Collins]”

  1. cranky-d says:

    That horoscope looks like the “Red pills found behind the sofa cushion” version.

  2. N. O'Brain says:

    I guess that’s be a case of “juming her bones”, right?

    [tw: coming.

    Now cut that out, Jeff.]

  3. Dan Collins says:

    Hell, I’m not even sure what sex that turkey was, cranky-d.

  4. N. O'Brain says:

    And just for the record I was born under the sign “Pennsylvania Turnpike – 5 Miles”

  5. salvage says:

    Cunty Rice is good for one thing, her picture on all the pancake boxes!

  6. TODD says:

    “Cunty Rice is good for one thing, her picture on all the pancake boxes!”

    Wow!  just a bit off-topic there don’t ya think Chuck? Being an Aries, I can plainly state I have never had the desire to mount a 1 day old carcass of any bird variety.  Now deer on the other hand….

  7. cranky-d says:

    Another representative from the party of tolerance and racial equality.

  8. Dan Collins says:

    The guy claims someone’s using his ID here.

  9. TODD says:

    Love the use of the bold key, just seems to screaming flaming asshole…doesn’t it?

  10. monkyboy says:

    Horoscopes, Argentina, Venezuala, Russia, Syria, China, Libya, Mexico, etc.

    How are things going in Iraq, these days?

  11. Dan Collins says:

    monky–

    Your solution is?

    Tell us how you want to export liberalism abroad.  You are one thing, and one thing only: America bad.

    You’ll be the first one killed, monky.  You’re what’s known as a “moron.”

  12. monkyboy says:

    Just wondering if you’re avoiding the topic, Dan.

  13. Dan Collins says:

    Avoiding the topic?  On the contrary, I’m the one who’s been foregrounding the topic for all of those idiots who don’t believe that we’re in the midst of a world war.  Does it appear to you that I’ve been avoiding the topic?

  14. monkyboy says:

    Against whom, Dan?

  15. TODD says:

    Boy monky , you will be saying against whom all the way up to the point when the blade slices your ignorant head off…….

  16. Dan Collins says:

    Against neo-theofascists and regular neo-fascists and their enablers, monkyboy.

  17. Pablo says:

    How are things going in Iraq, these days?

    Muslims are killing muslims, that’s how it’s going, monkybutt.

  18. Dan Collins says:

    Who are your heroes, monky?  Russia?  China?  Libya?  Who?

    You just let me know.

  19. salvage says:

    FYI the above is not from me, it’s from someone using my name, if Jeff or whomever could let me know what their IP address is I’d appreciate it.

  20. monkyboy says:

    My hero?

    Russ Feingold!

  21. Sex with a turkey carcass?  Ick!! Don’t lose your head!

    Turing = came, as in I think Jeff isn’t gonna cut it out…

  22. proudvastrightwingconspirator says:

    That’s the first post by monkeyboy I’ve read that makes sense.

    His hero, Russ Feingold, is a divorced, Jewish trial lawyer, who advocates limiting free speech, nationalized healthcare, higher taxes, weak nat’l defense and capitulation to the Islamofascists.  They belong together, after all, they’d be among the first to have their heads chopped off when their policies result in the Islamists taking power and executing all “infidels”.

  23. TODD says:

    Monky says:

    “My hero?

    Russ Feingold! “

    Monky, don’t forget Fisty the clown…..

  24. monkyboy says:

    One day, one of you guys are going to post a credible scenario of how, exactly, the “Islamofascists” are going to actually “take over” America.

    1. Invasion?

    2. Win a majority of votes in an election?

    3. ?????

    It sure would help you deflating movement.

  25. Ardsgaine says:

    “Monkeychow?? What’s the monkeychow for?”

    “Well for the monkeyboy, of course!!”

  26. monkeeboi says:

    look at me!!!! LOOK AT ME!!!!!!

  27. monkyboy:

    One day, one of you guys are going to post a credible scenario of how, exactly, the “Islamofascists” are going to actually “take over” America.

    Possibly much the same way they’re taking over Britain: bit by bit.  Stamp out a little patriotism here, institute a little shariah there, and pretty soon the ground is shifting beneath your feet.  It’s no wonder that, in America, the jihadist spearhead is in the universities.  The soil there is already prepared with America-hating multicultism, censorious speech codes, intolerance of dissent from oh-so-tolerant leftism, and rioting “activists” when conservative speakers dare come to campus.

    You say that this war is a figment of we neocons’ imagination.  We wish you were right, but it’s as real as death and just as serious.  Those kids of yours that you dropped off at school on 9/11, with no further concern of the events of that day, their futures are as bound up in the outcome of the present events as ours are.

  28. monkyboy says:

    Well,

    Back to Iraq then, SI.

    Iraq is a showcase to advertise to the world what happens when you side with America…

    Howzit goin’ there?

  29. so Dan, what’s Pisces lookin’ like today?

  30. Harry Bergeron says:

    MoBo, Iraq is a showcase to advertize what Muzzies get up to when there is not a big old boot on their necks.

    Visit Darfur lately?

  31. monkyboy says:

    America has a $100 billion a year “boot” in Iraq, Harry.

    Iraq is America’s failure, or at least the right’s vision of America, not the Muslim’s.

    No amount of spin can change that…

  32. guinsPen says:

    My hero is the Harpy Eagle…

    An alarm screech goes out through the rainforest. Monkeys of all types throw themselves off high branches and out of trees to freeze in terror. Overhead a giant eagle with a seven foot wing span easily twists and turns through the treetops, hunting for any animal caught out in the open. With a single dive it tears the unlucky creature from its branch with five inch long claws on powerful legs.

    These massive hunters search the canopies of undisturbed lowland tropical rain forest looking for their usual prey of sloths and monkeys…

  33. cranky-d says:

    Ignore it.  I know I didn’t take my own advice, but ignore it.  Shun it.  It has no place here.

  34. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Oh, for the days of children flying kites and old men telling stories and relaxing in the glory of what was once Babylon! Sure, Uncle Sadam kept his stern hand on the reins of state—but at least the camels and jerry-rigged Toyota pickups ran on time.

    Of course, the rape rooms kept a pretty good schedule too, from what I understand—but hey, you take the bad with the good, right? 

    And besides:  I question that bit of “established truth.” I mean, if a rape happens in the desert, and Sean Penn isn’t there to hear it, can we really say it occurred?

    Jimmy Carter sure wouldn’t.  And HE has a Nobel Peace Prize!

  35. monkyboy says:

    Look on the bright side, the new year on the Chinese horoscope/calender will be the Year of the Fire Pig!

  36. Alice H says:

    Dammit, I wasted my carcass comment on the first post I read.  It would have fit in much better over here.

  37. mojo says:

    My Impromptu Imitation of a Chimpanzee with Himan-Grade Intellegence

    Part 42

    “Ook Ook,

    I conjure you, by that which you profess,

    Howe’er you come to know it, answer me:

    Though you untie the winds and let them fight

    Against the churches; though the yesty waves

    Confound and swallow navigation up;

    Though bladed corn be lodged and trees blown down;

    Though castles topple on their warders’ heads;

    Though palaces and pyramids do slope

    Their heads to their foundations; though the treasure

    Of nature’s germens tumble all together,

    Even till destruction sicken; answer me

    To what I ask you.”

    Bobo want banana.

  38. jdm says:

    look at me!!!! LOOK AT ME!!!!!!

    Heeeey, that’s my line… well, it was until the invention of the Balloon Fence whereupon I made two huge errors. One, I recanted to Dan for all my previous “look at me” complaint posts because, two, in spite of all available evidence, I actually thought monkyboy would show shame, embarassment, or even just a little regret at promoting the Balloon Fence.

    Alas, the stupid f*ck continues as if nothing happened – even tho’ I still think he’s just here for the attention. Or his bot server is.

  39. monkyboy says:

    The Balloon Fence(tm) would bring down all those mortar rounds whizzing through the Baghdad skies lately, jdm.

    Might come in handy when we have to defend the Green Zone soon, too.

    Balloon Fence(tm) by MonkyCorp

    Deny the Sky!

  40. N. O'Brain says:

    Posted by jdm | permalink

    Ok. from now on, whenever monkeyshits post one of his mindlessly smug idiocies, we’ll remind him of the crowning stupidity, the acme of cretinism, the prince of insipidity, teh crazy of comments:

    The Balloon Fence!

  41. jdm says:

    I repeat, “[a]las, the stupid f*ck continues as if nothing happened”.

    Sorry, N O’B, monkyboy is impervious to insult, it’s impervious to reason, it’s impervious to rhetorical defeat (check for a change of subject). It’s a bot.

  42. Howzit goin’ there?

    Hard, monkyboy, very hard.  The Iraqis’ failure to step up to the next level and form a consensual democracy so far is going to play havoc with our need to fight off the Jihad in those lands.  Only someone who thinks George Bush is a greater evil that throat-slitting, airliner-bombing, shariah-imposing jihadists would even dream of gloating about it.

    You know, if the president, the vice-president, the cabinet, and every member of the House and Senate were Dennis Kucinich clones, I would be very dismayed.  But I would still support them to the extent that they undertook to defend the country against the Jihad, because they were duly elected under our laws and it’s my country they’re trying to protect!

    Yet one of the many lessons of 9/11 is that there is nothing awful enough that can happen to America which will persuade proggs to make common cause with their fellow Americans against a common enemy.  Sneer your fill, but at least recognize the danger!

  43. Heeeey, that’s my line…

    ja, some days it’s just too hard to ignore the blatant comment pooping.  every.damn.post. whether it’s relevent or not, he can make it so!

  44. Donald says:

    Thanks Mr. Inspector you beat me to it.  People can say whatever pops into their head.  But it don’t make it so.  There is a big ole battle to the death of all shades of true beleivers out there and some people say it ain’t so.  Incredible.

  45. TheGeezer says:

    Yet one of the many lessons of 9/11 is that there is nothing awful enough that can happen to America which will persuade proggs to make common cause with their fellow Americans against a common enemy.

    The Pearl Harbor carnage inflated 4%, compounded annually, yields about 40,000 deaths, which is what it will take, stateside, in New York, Chicago, or (best) in L.A., to motivate proggs to support defending the nation against the Islamist threat.  Until then, look for protectionist isolationism to prevail in liberal circles since it’s what they think won the House and Senate this year.

    Libs would spring into action – just as they did when Hitler invaded the USSR – if a communist nation were threatened by Islamists.  It’s what they did in WWII, withholding support for the defense of the USA until Uncle Joe was invaded.

    Their anti-Americanism will have to be buried under a tidal wave of national anger, and that will take 40,000 stateside deaths.

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