Yesterday, I posted Andrew Barlow’s “my arms were torn off by a Norwegian polar bear” essay. Today, the topic is boners. From Stuff, NZ.

“The Waikato Times reported that Mike Scherger, 15, had to write a story in his year 10 English class titled: How does your body betray you? He wrote about an embarrassed teenager whom he described as having ‘a boner’ (an erection), while in class and not wanting to leave his seat when called to the front of the class.

His English teacher showed the story to principal Alison Annan who said it was ‘sexually offensive’ and ‘totally inappropriate’.

As a result he was stood down for five days, the longest period allowed.

Mrs Annan said: ‘There are some things you learn at a very young age you just don’t write about.’

‘He was told twice by the teacher the story was inappropriate, but he handed it in anyway.’

Stuff has received a flood of responses to the Waikato Times story, some of which can be read by clicking on the link below.

An unedited version of the essay follows”:

Joe just moved to Hamilton last weekend, his mother was offered a job at Waikato Hospital as head nurse. Joe was ready for his first day at school, Berklay intermediate.

He was really excited when his mother dropped him off at the front of the school, “go get ’em champ, she said to him. He walked with pride steadily up through the middle of the school walkway, he finally reached his classroom and walked in cautiously. He was quite nervous but not at all worried.

He walked straight through the door and right up to the teacher, “Oh you must be Joe, yes the principal told me about you.” She said kindly. “Class we have a new student today, go introduce yourself,” she said to him.

“Hi, my name is Joe,” he said quite calmly.

“Hey Joe,” the class replied promptly. He sat down at one of the desks near the front that was free.

There was the prettiest looking girl he’d ever seen right next to him. They started talking on and on, she was so cool, she had a really great personality, plus she was soooo hot. The next thing he heard was, “Joe will you please come up to the front of the room and solve this problem,” the teacher said quite sternly.

He looked at the teacher and then looked at his uprising pants, it was so humiliating. “No, I can’t come to the front miss, there is just no way,” he replied calmly.

“You are coming whether u like it or not,” she said again very loudly and without warning she pulled him out of his chair and the class burst out with laughter.

“Hahahahahaha, look at his boner” one boy said. Others started making very harsh comments about him, it was the most humiliated he had ever been in his life. When he got home that day straight away he burst into tears and told his mum what had happened.

“I’m never going back to that school ever again,” he said sobbingly. His mother knew it would be very shame for him to go back so she allowed her son Joe to go to boarding school in Auckland.

His problem with his pants have never happened since.

What’s the rumpus? The kid sounds like an, er, upstanding young man to me…