Note: Security Clearance Required
Last night, through howling wind and pounding rain, I was summoned to the Inner Inner Outer Sanctum, where two agents awaited me at the gates. I was escorted into the Presence Chamber. The Presence arrived and handed me a cognac, and made small talk for a few minutes. Then The Presence intimated that it was very busy, and significantly tapped on a piece of paper on its desk, and departed, offering that I could let myself out.
In a strange breach of protocol, it was a decrypted transmission from the Dark Lord himself. It said, simply:
Muahahaha! Our plot proceeds apace, and is gathering toward fruition. Fools!
That is all.
UPDATE: Sorry. The keypad was Sugar Magnolia, should any of you wish to trackback to confirm you’re current.
Sully hysteria over The Presence’s gay-bashing in three… two… one…
– Internal Memo: For general distribution to all field managers – Clearence coded – deep purple.
To all Illustrious Brotherhood Leaders:
The most excellant Dark Lord himself has asked me to pass along his pleasure at the tireless efforts of your dedication to our worthy cause, and issues these further steps for our enevitable victory:
1) Managers are reminded to deploy the “quintupled agents of distraction”, at the appointed times, and polling sites. The “Orbs of confusion” will all be activated at precisely the same moment at the carefully calculated times and dates, to be announced in a final memo. Be sure to dress casually, and look unimportant, blending in with the crowds.
2) If detected, all operatives are to use the standard “instant heart attack” proceedure, along with the use of the “blind” glasses, and tin cups. Appropriate canes have been included in the field disguise kits.
3) Female agents should use the alternative “pregnancy” proceedures, anklet water bottles, and minmum makeup.
4) The new version of the CIWM-16 “Cranial interference Wave machine” has been field tested, and works exactly as hoped, so all Orbs with have a maximum efficiency extended to a range of at least 30 miles now, thouroughly blanketing any typical precinct. His excellancy will be awarding special recognition to out hard working scientists at the brotherhood BioMetrics lab.
– Remember your lines, and assignments, and our illustrious campaign will be a huge success.
“The Republic is depending on YOU!”
– Signed – Wilhiem P. Clench – KKL 36th degree Grand Potentate Secretary – The American Order of the Cobolt Blue Meason Jars – NY branch.
Next thing you know , you freakin’ guys disclose the secret handskake . Smarten up !
– Memo #3365 – For your eyes only (eat after reading)
Agent Collins – KKL Field commander 35th degree,
You are hereby authorized to proceed activating code “Operation Oktober surprise”. Utiliztion implementation code “55626 Alpha”. Repeat implementation code “55626 Alpha”. Settings should be limited to “stun”. Additional power-up modules will be shipped the week of the 7th. Nominal densities are expected, with lightly overcast conditions in most of the North East. Drift tangents should provide a wide even dispersal. Once activated proceed with step two – “Domino’s Atlas 6”, and alert all operatives, post deployment. (end of message) coded Delta Zebra 0072.
(destroy on completion – ref “need to know” artical 322)
Hmmmm… my sigmas are current but I can’t get the markings to line up on my Drogan Decoder Wheel.
Time to go fill out more forms.
So many plots, so few in on the One truth.
So many disinformation campaigns. Is this one? How will you know?
Sleep lightly, all.
Muhhahahaheehee.
– Memo #3366 – For your eyes only (shred after reading)
Agent Collins – KKL Field commander 35th degree,
– Code Update Alert – Ref Memo #3365:
Code groups to follow – keypad = Sugar Magnolia
20340 33046 66464 07003 23231 50570 12009
22671 42444 16188 97322 81800 44472 34622
Ends.
(destroy on completion – ref “need to know†article 322)
Beg Tran
Freq 251; protocol “jewish carpenter”; 18th corollary
agent collins (or “Dieter”)
I bring important news from His Holy Cocoaness, may he ever be cunning and yummy. We are now confirmed for protocol “murtha-murtha-bo-burtha” to be activated in conjunction with the
Orbs of Confusion. Upon the agreeded signal several hundred electronic voting machines in the “sensetive” districts will be activated to “cut and run” mode.
Agents are reminded to keep their “Geek Patrol” cards and bugs handy and to use memory stick 22571 when hands on. Never forget, Confusion is Success-sion. (snap)
Olaf shall coordinate the “outing” of the troll training dummys. They shall be prepared to focus blame on global warming and, in a symbolic protest, will strap themselves to dry ice until dead. The distraction will allow Cobalt Clan Cornhole to challenge all voters in Philadelphia and Bozeman.
Both timing and persistance are critical. you are hereby advised to stay away from “armidillo man” as he has been compromised due to excessive tequilla, red pills, and HOA meetings.
Activation Code: “sully sez torture suks”
BBH (omar)Shut up already about the alpha 55626 as that is the 2008 protocol. Sheez!!
end tran
Roger that, Mr. October. Willie Pete is in the can. Drift tangents check out. Olaf thumbs up. Panic ratcheting has commenced. Jewish carpenter, message received, article 322 observed. See you on the other side. Armadillo rendered extraordinarily.
New settings lower left hand corner Chris Matthews 21:48:44, secure Corinthians 4:13.
Good luck, Ladies and Gentlemen. John of Patmos initiated.
Over.
agent collins….
Huh?
end tran
BJT–
Bravo Tango Whiskey-A-Go-Go Chakka Lakka Macaca Go Boom.
“The armadillo dances at midnight.”
Repeating,
“The armadillo dances at midnight.”
Hey mom,
Is it okay if I stay over at Johnny’s house tonight? His mom says its okay.
Thanks.
ah, time to trim the shrubberies.
By all that is holy and chippitty; NOT THE MACACA!
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
Oh monkyboy? I got ya dry nice RIGHT HEEYA!!
*CRAP* dry ice
murph
– Quickcode celltextmes 55 – agents Dieter, Olaf, Lunar99 , ahab, Heegee, NTHammer, BrassRat
– The pumpkin is up the flagpole. Optimum launch angle is 49 degrees. Rogsley were the Boragrove. To scrape the barnacles off her hull. Minimum cell chatter, and safe swim to everyone. End of message – coded Delta Zebra 0072.
(erase on completion – ref “need to know†article 322)
Hmmmm… my sigmas are current but I can’t get the markings to line up on my Drogan Decoder Wheel.
Mine worked, but it just said, “Drink More Ovaltine.”
To scrape the barnacles off her hull.
Now that’s funny, Lucy.
TW:Where did they find Maxwell Smart?
behind99
– Angie (BlueBird) – Pretty sure that IS the message. Maggie (TankGirl) is in charge of camo, if anyone has disguise questions. Ovuer and out.
Illustrious Agents,
”Fox One!”
Over.
Illustrious agents,
Be advised; code purple hampster.
Twist and roll, gentlemen! There is no time for bacon!
Over.
Code purple hampster?
<searches frantically through manual>
Are you sure that wasn’t “berber handler”…?
Damn! *sigh* back to my knitting.
WetTree5 (River) -Little Johnny still hasn’t seen a grown man naked. Pass it on.
– Ovuer
OK, pull it!
“All your Diebolds are belong to us.”
-Karl Rove