- Back in ‘89, while on a bit of a tequila bender, drove a 1984 Chevy Celebrity into an iceberg, spilling 300,000 gallons of oil into the Atlantic Ocean and getting a bunch of waterbirds all black and gunky and shit.
- Reject as crassly elitist the idea of “dolphin-safe” tuna. Sorry, but there are no kings in this patriot’s ocean. Or maybe you DOI folks missed that whole revolutionary war thing?
- Honestly? I don’t find Giant Pandas all that cute. Plus, I hate Chinks.
- Once bested now Secretary of the Interior Dirk Kempthorne at Jenga eight straight times, then left the party with his girlfriend. And yeah, I nailed her—thrice.
- Three words: Bald Eagle tacos
- The bigwigs at Interior fear the widespread dissemination of my theory that “Global Warming” is caused not by man, but rather by really gassy Koala bears, all of whom need be rounded up, put into camps, then disposed of in an efficient manner—preferably in ovens. Along with the Gypsies.
- My bathroom fixtures and siding are all made from genuine Redwood. And of course, the toilet seats are kept nice and toasty by White Lion pelts.
- Am convinced Dian Fossey was killed not by poachers, but rather by a fed-up gorilla who just really really valued his privacy.
- Believe deer hunting is most rewarding when it involves a case of Miller High Life, some Toby Keith CDs, and the brush guard of a Toyota Landcruiser.
*****
graphic courtesy Sean Gleeson
Perhaps they just heard about the shabby state of your new lawn.
Personally, I think the rabbit’s foot keychain has a lot to do with it.
Perhaps you need to redo your masthead: Banned by the Department of the Interior Since 2006
And what’s wrong with Bald Eagle tacos? Delish!
Small-minded bunch at DOI, that’s for sure. However, in #9, the omission of one of these babies (see link) from the deer-hunting equipment list is just inexplicable. Good grief, a guy might as well go fishing with no dynamite!
http://www.amazon.com/Sport-Spot-000-Spotlight-Camouflage/
Coffee spewing moment: Bald Eagle Tacos
Your comic genius makes me small and insignificant…
Why can’t we get this site banned in China, or something cool like that? Instead, you’ve managed to offend the Department of the Interior. Phaw!
PW banned by the DOI, and now our esteemed government has also made my nifty part-time job playing Hold ‘Em online illegal. Nannystate much?
I’d have to say the Bald Eagle Taco would do the trick.
The Department of the Interior acts as the Homeowners Association for us all.
Jeff,
Don’t feel bad. Here is a list of others that the DOI has banned
Michelle Malkin
Jawa Report
Wizang
Captiains Quarters
Rightwing Nuthouse
The Corner
Get this – Daily Kos has not been banned
We have mountains to conquer, gang. Think of it:
Shunned by Housing and Urban Development
Anathematized by the Department of Transportation
Ridiculed by the Office of Government Ethics
Excommunicated by the Archbishop of Canterbury
Vetoed by the UN Security Council
The bald eagle taco is indeed a culinary achievement of the highest order, but as cuisine it’s barely more than ordinary.
Unless it’s seasoned with powdered spotted-owl gall bladders.
With a side of land snails fried in pure trans-fat.
Mayor Bloomberg’s head just exploded.
It’s a significant improvement.
Hmm, well, I prefer sealfat as the oil agent for frying, but transfats obviously preserve the food better for future storage, say, in the event of a game Maximum Double Danger Secret Jeopardy Nuclear Horizon.
Or is that Maximum Double Danger Secret Jeopardy Nuclear Dawn?
I get the two confused.
No whale blubber? Can’t be complete without blubber. Offseason endagered whale blubber.
Multiple Maximum Super Secret Double Jeopardy Dingle Dirty Nuclear Landfill Implosion Scenario
It’s really a simple game…
Transfat, sealfat, Blue whale fat, Spotted Lynx fat (with the free fur lined gloves), all of which can be bought at Species All Gone Trading Post whose motto is “Endangered Species Foodstuffs are our Guilty Pleasure!”
Shockingly, the DOI banned them too, being anti-small business and all…
BTW: Olaf, was there some kind of explosion at the training dummy factory?
Wilhelm
I agree with Muslihoon, sea turtle eggs scrambled in anything other than whale blubber are just not the same.
Bald Eagle tacos
Actually, I’ve heard worse ideas. Consider: the chicken is in no particular danger of extinction.
On the other hand, it’s hell gettin’ an eagle out of a deep-fryer. Claws, y’know…
SB: zebra75
Yee haw!
Probably something the armadillo did.
Sincerest Wilhelm,
Some stole all of the Bald Eagle Taco ™ mix.
Not to point fingers.
Naturally, his penumbrousness was not pleased.
Of course, without his permission, certain members of the Guild took it apon themselves to launch retaliatory strikes.
They were going to ban every blog, but the felt it would be unfair to the Leftists if they were banned; they haven’t won a fight with the one-eyed champ in ten years, so they cut them a bit of slack.
I warned them that the backlash against the Bureaucracy would be significant. But I think they thought that was His Malificence’s plan.
On the other hand, its possible that the giant shrine to the U.S. Constitution in the middle of the Geek building, plus constant chants of “Awaken, O, Sleeper! Awaken!” 24/7 might lead one to believe that they are tad obsessed over there.
Wait, I’m getting a message from the Satin Seneschel himself.
Well, ok, look, whatever ‘happens’ to the ‘employees’ of the ‘bureaucracy’ as a ‘result’ of this ‘indiscretion’ is not my responisibility.
When the construction of training dummies will resume, I am not sure.
I can, however, inform you that Maruchan Oriental Flavor Ramen makes farts smell like Egg Drop soup.
Smashing Good Day to you,
Olaf
Sounds like the work environment would be downright hostile for someone who doesn’t read, internalize and regurgitate as Holy Writevery pronouncement of the DailyKos.
I’m not saying, I’m just saying…
Does DOI even have Internet access?
Yes. But it’s organic: all the cables are made from hemp, and their particular exit on the Information Superhighway is paved with nothing but sunbaked clay and thatch.
Hey, I’m working on it. I could use a little HELP though.
Jeff, I think it was the Baby Seal Home Run Contest, myself.
Oh shining Halo that is Olaf;
I pray that you and our Master, long may he live in his Holy Cocoaness, will grant me leave to speak openly and frankly without the need to attach the “Electrodes of Dicipline.”
I would most humbly remind you, mighty Olaf, that just last week I sent the message through the Tivo conduit about the dangers of effluence from the Bald Eagle Tacos.â„¢ In addition to the demonstrated (and highly secret) propensity for chemically altering the Ozone layer to resemble ginseng incense, there is that inconvenient potential for temporary psychotic behavior…
I pray you do not rebuke me!
Whilst I understand our Dark Lord’s desire to continue his holy quest against the species, perhaps he could engage the training dummies in that exercise using the New Orleans Superdome.
I cower, I cower…
Gustav wishes to convey his great glee at the utility of the latest training dummies. We are especially enamored of their contant screeching of expertise coupled with their attempts to lecture our minions on arcane military matters. Not only are our legions gaining strength and experience but morale is at an all time high due to the general hilarity. However, we do recommend discontinuing the sub-simian model as his feeble attempts to engage the minions have grown wearisome.
Your message has been received with great respect and fear. We reply that Turtles Found in Lava Pits Have Stellar Palmpilot Connections.
From the seventh house… Wilhelm
I got it figured out. See, the reason the righty sites are banned, but not the lefties, is as follows:
1. The software blocking the sites is a robust, learning-enabled AI. However, it is incapable as yet of understanding idiom.
2. Its primary purpose is to block porn.
3. It not only blocks websites that it discovers to be porn, it takes cues from all over the interweb about various websites. So,
4. When Jane Hamsher or Amanda Marcotte or Ollie Willis or the sadlynoes or . . . well, the list is pretty long, but when one of those nits gets riled up and going on about “those goddamn fucking neocons over at protein wisdom”, the AI thinks that there really are neocons fucking over here at protein wisdom.
Okay, so it needs work. I blame actus.
Always a safe policy.
Don’t forget wild Alaskan Caribou steaks
So friggin’ ridiculous. If Jeff’s site is going to be banned, shouldn’t it be by the FDA?
<b>lol @ that banner dude!..o yea..lesse now..banned?..when to the riots and beheadings begin?..Oh, sorry , got us confused with another group ..Heh.
I suspect a Rovian plot. Even now DOI employees are surfing the banned sites from home.
Evil genius indeed. Who wants to look at the stuff they let you see?
Jeff,
Your site is also blocked at the Navy Annex near the Pentagon, HQ of the USMC. I can get Ace, LGF, Powerline and several other Conblogs, but not PW.
What the hell? Who cares more about those musclebound jut-chinned jarheads than I do?
Well . . . treehuggingsister at coalitionoftheswilling, for one . . .
10 What’s the matter with whale sushi? Haven’t we saved enough.
– Look, I can’t for the life of me understand what they have their hemp lined boxers in a twist over.
– We did exactly as they asked. The Taco’s are made out of kill-off from the Eagle skeet shooting contest’s, recycled just like they wanted.
– Did we, or did we not, recycle the last three known White tiger cubs in a blender at last years Chili cookoff?
– What the hell do you have to do to make these guys happy?
Look at it this way: if it is a time-and-motion minded kinda thing (never attribute etc.), then they would tend to block the sites that are causing the most bandwidth-usage, yes?
So it’s kind of a compliment, in a way.
Sorta.
Ah, fuck it…
SB: tried11
BBH , as far as I can see the only mistake you possibly could have made is using lead shot instead of steel in the skeet shoot . Lead shot just isn`t enviro-fucking friendly , ya know ?
Us Florida boys prefer whole manatee stuffed with snail darter and indigo snake.
“Save the manatee!”
…’cause there’s no point letting it go to waste when there’s people starving in North Korea.
“Save the manatee!â€Â
For dessert!
10. Fetal grizzly scull hash pipe , with matching ash trays made from momma bears paws.
Skull looks better with a “k”. That comment is far more disturbing written down than bouncing around my neural pathways.
From those wonderful folks who brought you the Abu Ghraib civilian interrogators.
I say: ban the Dept of the Interior. That’ll teach ‘em, by gum!
VERY SORRY
Ruth Evans
Linda Williams
Charles Taylor
Paul Rodriguez
James Turner
Thomas Wright
Jeff Mitchell
Ronald Turner
Deborah Roberts
Richard Martin
Michelle Scott
David Baker
Helen Parker
Thomas Brown
Lisa Jackson
Mary Wilson
Richard Turner
Nancy Walker
Deborah Harris
Sandra Jones
William Taylor
VERY SORRY