Search






Jeff's Amazon.com Wish List

Archive Calendar

November 2024
M T W T F S S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930  

Archives

E-Mail of the Day [Karl]

From a sockpuppet reader:

Dear Sully:

As a tiresome tireless crusader voice opposing torture, you know how much it lowers us as a people to inflict mental distress on others by making them listen to Christina Aguilera and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

So imagine my horror when I discovered that you—Andrew Sullivan—had sprung a blog post on the Pet Shop Boys upon your remaining, unsuspecting readership.  I nearly drowned in my own tears as I read the account of one young reader, speaking for his generation, who said that “the mere mention of 80s pop music has approximately the same effect on us as pouring a bucket of water over the Wicked Witch of the West.”

There you have it—the blogging equivalent of water-boarding.  What is left to distinguish you from torturemaster Jeff Goldstein?

CHRISTIANIST HOMOPHOBE!!!

(Update:  Sully’s torture of his younger readers is expanding to a feature.)

15 Replies to “E-Mail of the Day [Karl]”

  1. Big Bang hunter says:

    “What is left to distinguish you from torturemaster Jeff Goldstein?”

    – His has a propellor on it?

  2. Dan Collins says:

    All of my beautiful, evil right-wingedness destroyed by that horrible good little girl.

  3. AJB says:

    Mocking concern about torture is teh funnay.

    They took the scalpel to my right chest. It was only a small cut. Maybe an inch. At first I just screamed … I was just shocked, I wasn’t expecting … Then they cut my left chest. This time I didn’t want to scream because I knew it was coming.

    One of them took my penis in his hand and began to make cuts. He did it once, and they stood still for maybe a minute, watching my reaction. I was in agony. They must have done this 20 to 30 times, in maybe two hours. There was blood all over. “I told you I was going to teach you who’s the man,” [one] eventually said.

    They cut all over my private parts. One of them said it would be better just to cut it off, as I would only breed terrorists.

    “They forcibly rammed a stick up my rectum,” he reports. “It was excruciatingly painful … Only when the pain became overwhelming did I think I would ever scream. But I could not stop screaming when this happened.”

    They started beating us and took pictures of us on a camera; I could see the flash. I had a violent pain in my stomach – I had had an operation on my stomach and there was a piece of metal in it; when I complained about the severity of the pain, a soldier came and started kicking me in my stomach with his military boot until I vomited blood. I do not know how many hours I was in that state as we went from the base in Kohat to Kandahar Airport where there is an American military base. How it hurts me to look back at these painful memories; the tragic event on the plane was only the start of the horrors waiting for me in the American army camp in Kandahar.



    They stripped me of my clothes and lay me flat on the ground. One of the soldiers urinated on my head and my face after one of the other soldiers had raised my head by the hair. After that, a soldier brought petrol and injected it into my penis. I screamed because it was extremely painful. They took me back to the camp after a long night of torture. I was bleeding where they had injected the petrol and it was very swollen so I asked to see the doctor. When I met the doctor and told him what had happened, he became very angry and said, “you’re a liar and a terrorist and you deserve worse than this”.

    Just harmless fraternity pranks I suppose.

    “COLD ROOMS AND LOUD MUSIC LOL”

  4. gahrie says:

    You might be right.

    Let’s ask Nick Berg what he thinks……

  5. Big Bang hunter says:

    – AJB – He forgot the paragraph from the al Qaeda handbook on disfiguring the Qo’ran. It just doesn’t have the same impact without the stopping-up sound of flushing toilets.

  6. lunarpuff says:

    after one of the other soldiers had raised my head by the hair.

    See, that’s how I know this is a lie. His head would just fall right down if you tried to hold it up by the hair. You would need at least a tiny little handful.

    The author clearly was not reckoning on Eagle Eye lunarpuff when he wrote this.

  7. Big Bang hunter says:

    – Which leads to the natural question of:

    “Just how deeply do you have to hate your own country, and probably loath yourself as well, to be so ready to believe the most transparent lies by your sworn death enemies, and even worse, be willing to repeat them wholesale.”

  8. lunarpuff says:

    The hatred is deep. The sheer mindlessness is deeper.

    I can’t decide which is worse.

  9. Karl says:

    Some folks don’t get that it’s people who think playing the RHCP is torture are the ones making light of the subject.  Or don’t want to get it.

  10. lunarpuff says:

    Ugh, they don’t want to get it. They want to go back to sleep.

    The embassy bombings? Heck, the buildings were just in the way of an African conflict. Our fault.

    The USS Cole? Heck, that ship was huge! The guys with explosives were in a teeny little boat.

    The 1st WTC bombing? Christ, that was just the parking garage. Not like the building fell down or anything. Fearmongerers!

    The guy who was caught with plans to blow up LAX? Well, he didn’t do it, right? What’s the big deal?

    Frightening, but I’ve heard all these things from otherwise intelligent people.

    But let’s make sure they’re comfy while they’re being questioned! Perhaps the intake should include musical preferences and preferred room temperature.

  11. B Moe says:

    I had had an operation on my stomach and there was a piece of metal in it

    I liked that part the best.

  12. BoZ says:

    I think Sullivan has outdone even

    a soldier brought petrol and injected it into my penis

    in today’s Steamingest Bullshit Committed To Pixels contest, with this gob-smacker:

    The diversity of the audience was as striking as its passion

    He’s talking about a Pet Shop Boys concert.

    !!!

    In DC?

    I was thinking the same thing.

    Because I went to a Bad Brains show there once and, I swear, there were almost ten heterosexual black men in attendance.

    And they were passionate…until the soldiers came and injected the Pet Shop Boys into their penises.

    There was blood all over.

  13. B Moe says:

    Put telephones in with the captive terrorists, and hire tele-marketers to do the interogating.  When that gets declared to be torture, at least some good might come of it.

  14. Pablo says:

    They cut all over my private parts. One of them said it would be better just to cut it off, as I would only breed terrorists.

    That’s just funny right there. I don’t care who you are.

  15. gahrie says:

    Get ‘er done!

Comments are closed.