So the dog vomited on the $700 wool rug you were hoping to return, so what? It’s not like you can’t unfurl it in the great room and hide that horrific brick-colored blot with a coffee table or a lamp or some such.
Right?
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Yeah, plus it’s probably still got value as a place to hide hobo corpses, in case of an unexpected visitor.
Also, before you blame the dog, go see how the ‘dillo’s doing.
I love lamp.
The wife and I have found that, with the passage of enough time, enough canine dyspesia, and enough randomicity of location, vomit stains (after shampooing) assume a gestalt inspiring Joie de Vivre founded upon a liberating indifference to gastric fatalism.
“He fell down and ruined the very pants he was returning”– Mr. Petermen via Seinfeld.
Just say it is ‘art deco’… ‘nuevo cliche’… something fancy… and just leave the spot…
Remember the fundamental law of value:
The more value it has, the more likely it is to be ruined by a once in a life time meteor strike, also see buttered bread and falling thereof.
Well you are ‘predisastered’ now… nothing more can surely go wrong… right? knock knock….
That’s not dog vomit, that’s “shop soil.”
Jeff, just turn it over. It’s reversible!
The dog is a metaphor for Kim Jong-Il, right?
That’s what Garp thought.
Man, I am pretty sure this is the only comment section that could produce
Well done, Geezer, well done. And, thanks to Jeff, for allowing me to meet people who could produce such beauty.
A fine scotch:
Thanks for the compliment, Afs…and my ditto thanks to Jeff for the insanity here that gives so much context to what is not here.
What?!
Surely you mean the mounted whale and blood-caked harpoon walk-in display case and bootleg rye distilleryâ€â€or have you gone squishy on us?
What?!
I’d be so embarrassed to be so disrespected by my wife and dog that they could put a wool (wool?!) rug in my house and puke on it, that before I tossed it out on the curb, I’d roll it up in a whole underpass of dead hobos.
Just to keep my lean.
That rug really tied the room together, did it not?
“That spot?
It’s better if I don’t tell you. Trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Hopefully, you’ll get a noob at the return counter.
Lucky for you it is vomit. My dog shit on the rug, and it after 2 days of vigorous scrubbing,it left a stain in the shape of Angola… Fng dog……..
Return it in a red faced, righteous fury – “What kind of crap are trying to push here!!!” Struting and posturing get extra points. Oh, and as Pablo said, hope for a newbie behind the counter…
TODD,
I love geography! Could your dog teach my daughter’s cat to piss the nation-states of Central Asia on the front hall rug?
Probably not, but he’ll give Portugal a try…..
Would it be in poor tatse to speculate on the efficacy of canine blood as a spot remover?
Don’t look at me like that.
Now that your a home owner and all you need to know this: When in doubt, watch HGTV. A fashionably hip gay man will come along and tell you to paint your rug and screw a gold leaf frame around it and hang it on your wall in no time.
They you can feel artsy, because it seems every art teacher I had in college was wrong. Good art, it would seem, does match your sofa.
Some clients of mine left on vacation to Montana while the house was being redecorated. Great party house on six acres with stunning views of the ocean, islands and mountains. Interior decorator throws a party… Clients come home and the kids find a stain that looks like India (complete with spot like Sri Lanka)on the pool table and the adults find what appears to be cocaine residue in the Master Bath…. decorator shows up and spies the buffalo head the guy brought home from Montana and pitches a fit because it “ruins everything”… I freudian slipped “hey, just put it in over the pool table…” time seemed to stand still for a while until the owner snorted out a lung.
It depends on which store you bought it from.
I’m at Wal-Mart Customer Service exchanging a pedestal fan I’d just purchased for one which hadn’t been cracked in transit.
Three CSRs are working the counter. As my CSR processes my exchange I turn to my right and observe that transaction, the successful (and cheerful) return for cash of a used bag o’ panties.
Me: “Did I just see what I thought I saw?”
CSR: Nods yes.
Me: Eyes go really big.
CSR: “We accept any & all returns within 90 days.”
Me: “But…”
CSR: “Don’t worry sir. Those undergarments are
going into the dumpster. I assure you.”
Great price for that fan but I’ve never been so relieved that I by my tightie-whities at Target.
Don’t recall ever seeing any $700 rugs there though.
Try returning it anyway. It ‘came like that’. You didn’t notice it until you got it home. It suddenly appeared. The manager is not going to call you on it, especially if you’re buying something else. Stranger things have happened.
That’s just like, your opinion, man.
I agree with ahem. Plus they probably have access to industrial-level cleaners you don’t. However, I have to admit that I’d truthfully explain the situation., or at least clean it before trying to return it and see if they noticed anything.
It’s not vomit dammit.
It’s called a snack.
Go Lady Macbeth on the damn thing…”Out, damn spot! Out, I say!”
Think enzymes, Jeff. They sell gallons of that pet stain remover/deodorizer stuff at any pet store. It’s fabric safe, smells nice and chews through all kinds of biological, um, emissions.
Call the other JEFF GOLDSTEIN and have him buy you a new rug.
Congradulations suburban homeowner Jeff! You have arrived. Now sit back and relax. It only goes downhill from here.
Never interrupt a dog until he’s finished reingesting.
That RUG was MADE OF THE SWEAT of ENSLAVED CHILDREN of the THIRD WORLD VICTIMIZED by the NEW WORLD ORDER!
I’M GLAD your DOG VOMITED on that, YOU BASTARD!
–The UNABASHER
Just do what every one else does, clean it as best you can, and use it in the trib dungeon. Assuming, of course your trib dungeon is functional….?
– Wait til the nightmares start. Hiding the spot under a lava lamp, or some such, will just drive the agony deeper in you psyche. The cure for your angst, is to simply embrace the 12th rule of home ownership:
“The cleaner the surface the surer the smear”.
– Besides, after a year or so there will be so many angst generating “imperfections”, you will let it go, simply because it’s too much too remember. You’ll find you’re more occupied with the important domestic issues, like what your wife is going to do about your snoring.
Give the rug to the president of your HOA.
How big is this rug? And the room? Perhaps you could lap another rug over the spot with a certain insouciance….
If there’s a spot on my carpet that hasn’t been graced by multiple instances of cat excretions, I’d like to know where the heck it is…
Angola is better than Brangelina. My dog must really fucking hate me…
Well, you’ll have to photograph rug burned body parts and various rug impressions, then compare the two, to see where you avoided/enjoyed the nasty, I guess…
We moved into our new place in October of last year. In December my wife was burning stinky candles to make the house smell all Christmassy. There was one on the kitchen counter and one on the dining room table. She heard screaming, and looked around to see my then 4 yr old holding a piece of flaming paper that he had lit on fire with the candle. He was too scared to drop it, even though it was burning his hands. She ran over, slapped it out of his hands, and stomped it out on the brand new carpet.
The spot of half-melted threads is now serving as a conversation piece, and will be until we get around to ripping up the carpet and replacing it with laminate flooring. In other words, be thankful you can maybe clean it, or at least roll it up and throw it away. Some things won’t come out, and aren’t easily gotten rid of.
I like cthulhu’s idea. A nice dogskin rug over the spot might provide an interesting conversation piece and also serve as a kind of tacit warning.
This thread gives life to the old Rodney Daingerfield line about his dog being named “Egypt” because everywhere hew ent he left little pyramids…
True story: When we lived in a horrid little eastern state that rhymes with LarryMand, wife shopped for an oriental rug for our living room, and came home with one “on approval” after depositing half the purchase price. We move all the furniture; we unroll the rug; it is too big for the room and overlaps into the walkway at one end. Wife calls the salesman, asks if they have a smaller one in the same pattern cuz this one is too big for the room. Rug salesman says we should keep this rug, and to prove it he produces The.Greatest.Sales.Line.Ever.
“The question you have to ask yourself,” he says, “is how long you’re going to keep that house.”
We kept the rug. It fits perfectly in our new home in Austin.
Austin Mike,
I think that’s the greatest thing I’ve ever heard.
Thank you for sharing.
Must. Hang. Wall. Clock.
Must. Find. Stud. Finder. With. Laser. Alignment. Device.
Must. Hang. Hall. Mirror.
Must. First. Locate. Suitable. Hall. Mirror. Wife. Likes.
Must. Remember. Not. To. Type. On. Shrooms.
I’ll trade you the hall mirror and the shrooms. My contractor’s uptstairs with the subs my wife and her designer going over the plans for the kitchen and master bath while I’m in the basement building a sendmail server on Fedora Core 4 in VM ware with a 2-year-old and his Leap Pad at top volume next to me on the floor.
I just heard, I swear to God, “My husband thinks we can save the tile.”, followed by hilarious laughter.
Can’t wait until she tells them I don’t want to move the toilet.
That’s no dog. It’s a DILLO, baby!
Love the texture.
well, Lost My Cookies, if you have to move the toilet you could follow RTO’s example and store it outside next to the a/c unit for a few months. cause it takes a while to get around to laying tile.
And Mrs. Geezer wants to know, “Where the hell is the charm of pristine?”