Tuscany’s Castello di Gabbiano Estate was established in 1124—the year Alexander I was buried at Dunfermline. And yet here I sit in my underwear nearly 900 years later, drinking the very same wine that had Pope Benedict VIII slurring his way through apostolic constitutions—and finding myself every bit as shitfaced as the old coot must’ve been before ordering some hill country hooker drowned as a witch, or some posse of Vatican midgets to bring him a giant stack of pimento loaf and the finest in Etruscan chronic.
Sadly, I don’t have one of those big Pope hats, so drowning a hooker is out of the question—though for what it’s worth, I was able to find some geek at a medieval festival up in Keystone willing to dress as the Gabbiano Cavaliere and gallop up and down the street in front of my house on a miniature pony in exchange for a reprint copy of Marvel’s Journey into Mystery #83 and a handful of magic beans.
Which, if you want the truth, are really nothing more than dried lentils dusted with glitter. Sucker!
Developing…
Journey Into Mystery #83  $785 mint per Overstreet. Sucker!
Yes, but he’s on a miniature pony, man!
Besides, it was a reprint copy.
Tuscany’s Castello di Gabbiano Estate was established in 1124â€â€the year Alexander I was buried at Dunfermline. And yet here I sit in my underwear nearly 900 years later, drinking the very same wine that had Pope Benedict VIII slurring his way through apostolic constitutionsâ€â€and finding myself every bit as shitfaced as the old coot must’ve been before ordering some hill country hooker drowned as a witch, or some posse of Vatican midgets to bring him a giant stack of pimento loaf and the finest in Etruscan chronic.
Sadly, I don’t have one of those big Pope hats, so drowning a hooker is out of the questionâ€â€though for what it’s worth, I was able to find some geek at a medieval festival up in Keystone willing to dress as the Gabbiano Cavaliere and gallop up and down the street in front of my house on a miniature pony in exchange for a reprint copy Marvel’s of Journey into Mystery #83 and a handful of magic beans.
Which, if you want the truth, are really nothing more than dried lentils dusted with glitter. Sucker!
Developing…
here’s instructions to make a hat from newspaper. i did this a few years ago for some goofy hat day at work.
Sure, sure maggie….. but can you make a Bill Blass little black party dress out of a few of those black napkins you get at a hollow weinie party, cause that would really get some applause…
I, being a bit of a plebe, find myself quite content with my 2006 Mogen David grape flavor.
Mmmmmm…..dried lentils….and Duff beer……
Hey Mags, looks like the NFC East will be a tussle this year. Once again, Redskins fans ask the musical question: Sure, Snyder can buy a shitload of talent, but will they have any chemistry, or will it be the 2000 Orioles all over again?
I think having a blog where posts are peppered with free association pieces is probably the most unique thing about this site. The pieces themselves require the commenters to conjure responses, which in turn is usually an extension of whatever is on their minds. That in turn, can sometimes lead the conversation, tentatively at first,into a gradual spiral concerning whatever topic is uppermost.
Thanks for the explaination steve. Just hope for their sake you don’t own any pet hummingbirds.
hmmmmm, i’ve made a “wedding dress” out of TP. is that close enough? (ugh, the things they do at bridal showers.)
and CraigC? to quote my three year old nephew, “Redskins, BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!, GO COWBOYS!” don’t know how much i’ll catch with rto being gone and trying to stay busy/distracted with performing stuff.
A reprint of JiM 83? Looks like you found a whore afterall, Goldstein.
And CraigC, Athlon is predicting NFC East as Cowboys 1, Eagles 2, Giants 3, and Redskins 4. But take heart. It’s last place in the toughest division in the NFL.
(Then again, Athlon is predicing a SuperBowl win for Indianapolis for the 5th straight year.)
Maggie: Don’t forget– “Eagles! YUCK!”
It’s going to take more than magic beans for Buffalo to win this year.
In my lifetime.
Ever.
Not even 7:30 and I’ve sunk into depression. Damn you, Jeff. You didn’t even mention the f (oot) word, but it’s still your fault.
Oddly enough, I did a review of it earlier this year.
I liked it.
“Sadly, I don’t have one of those big Pope hats”
I miter’d known…
TW: Funny, you don’t look Catholic.
Well thanks a lot Steve! By explaining it you’ve ruined it for everyone!
<takes a couple of little red pills found under the sofa cushions>
<enjoys a slice of pie>
<begins waiting in vain for the armadillo to dance>
Ahhh. That’s much better.
<looks askance, starts quietly moving away>
1124: the fall of Tyre to the Crusaders. Did you think we would not catch the Lebanon connection, Jeff?
I had one of those hummingbird feeders in my back yard. One time as a joke I laced it with methamphetemines.
Did you ever see those pictures of a jet fighter with condensation clouds around the wings?
Imagine 7 or 8 of those in miniature. Really cool.
One little fellow got scared by a cat. Broke the sound barrier.
tw: believe, as in I don’t…
Sweet.
Journey Into Mystery #83  “By the time I get through with you, ‘Mighty Thor’ will be an internet adjective.”
Maybe we should get Jeff a mitre and crozier. Pope Cockula I.
Thor?
Oh, you must get this series….
http://tinyurl.com/px99a
Gotta love Jack Kirby.
I prefer a super Tuscan to straight Chianti Classico. But that’s just me.
Yeah…but now one does it quite like Martha Stewart. She made her second husband out of a uised tissue box and some dried twigs.
Big obstacle to civil rights is bypassed by the EFF. Judge denies AT&T’s and DOJ’s motion to dismiss suit on NSA spying. Everybody should donate.
Actus,
Here we all are pleasantly discussing cocktail napkin designer dresses, Jeff as Pope and swilling Chianti and then you waltz in all worried about AT&T giving away secrets to the DOJ. I got to ask … do you ever have fun or are you so riddled with guilt that all the fun just walks on by? Honestly, a few sessions would do you the world of good … just spank all that guilt and self loathing out.
I am donating to the side I wish to prevail in that litigation, actus. Every April 15th.
I don’t know about you, but denying claims of state secret privilege is my kind of fun.
The case is against AT&T. The government intervened as a third party to try to stop it on state secrets privilege. They’re not being sued.
No wonder you’re always up to your armpits in groupies.
Only twenty eight posts for actrude to hijack the thread and start dancing naked on tables again.
It’s all about the prestidigitizing wooden cable hanger, folks.
Screw it. I believe I’ll now select manually digging ditches thru hardpan all day. Yeah, that’s preferable.
I see that you are a spanking specialist, schoolmarm, and you are willing to work with a monkey every now-and-again.
I’ve made a note……good to know…
He’s like the Energizer Dummy. He just keeps going and going and going and going….
How dare you say that about Carmen Electra.
Posted by Pablo | permalink
on 07/21 at 10:17 AM
As long as he’s not comimg and coming and…..
Sure, Snyder can buy a shitload of talent, but will they have any chemistry, or will it be the 2000 Orioles all over again?
And the 2001 Orioles, the 2002 Orioles, the 2003 Orioles, the 2004 Orioles, and the 2005 Orioles. Oh, and guess what? The 2006 Orioles.
Shit. Way to blow my day right out of the water. I’m gonna go get drunk.
But at least the Padres are still in first! How’re them Rox doin’, eh Jeff?
TW: With friends like me, who needs enemas.
Actus,
Trust me only those in the reality based community would consider that to be fun. I’ve got to wonder if you have ever had real fun in your entire life? I bet you would drink that Chianti and become so filled with guilt just thinking about the evil patriarchal catholic church you would no doubt start wrenching until all that vino had been purged from system.
Alppuccino,
Like lawyers those of us in the discipline trade do pro bono work. I look at working with a monkey as doing charity work which could eventually benefit the greater society. Hey it may help get me into heaven.
Because we get to see the reality, instead of it being secret!
I am a Chianti type, but after a trip to Portugual I now have a preference for Douro and Dao. Usually Chianti is easier to find, so it does. I don’t however, have much taste for Port.
Also sprach Hal 2000.
Well schoolmarm,
If spanking a monkey can get you into heaven, I’ve got reservations for a seat next to God Himself at the orientation dinner.
Keep up the good work.
– Well hopefully one of the gal commenters will crank out that little black party dress so we can all get down to some serious monkey slapping.
– While we’re at it we can queue up and cock slap actus back into his favorite state of insipid oblivion.
BCH,
re: actus and insipid oblivion – is there another state? How could we tell?
I see an opportunity for a scientific experiment.
Or those two bottles of German White Wine in my pantry at home. No, I can’t remember the name. And I couldn’t type it on this keyboard anyway, unless I twist the colon into an umlaut.
Back to the actus experiment instead.
I think I’ve seen this pattern on cocktail napkins.
Chianti, Popes, hookers, medieval drama, and football. Fun topics all.
I have decided that I loathe actus. He is no fun.
Go Lions. What can I say? I’m an optimist.
My good friend George Harliegh tells me actus is correct on all points.
SB: area
square
That may be one of the saddest things I ever read.
Someone’s been hitting the Eco a little hard lately methinks.
Proudly rebuilding since 1957 or something. Go Tigers.
Hey..at least Millen didn’t draft another wide receiver this year!
If it’s a Windows machine and you use a lot of umlauts, you can select the “American International” keyboard driver which makes it easy. My co-workers in France were so annoyed when I showed them that…
There are chicken wings in Pittsburg that will do that for you.
Millen is to football what actuse is to logic…
Detroit fans better quit their bitchin’ this year. You’ve had the Wings in the 90’s, the Pistons the last couple of years, and now you have the Tigers to root for. Don’t give me this “woe is me” crap about the Lions.
You get little sympathy from fans in places like, say, Indy for example. Or in Jeff’s case Colorado even.
Actus Haiku:
Some people like fun
Others don’t know what fun is
Actus makes me itch
According to her blog, she will be on Lars Larson radio show.
I’m hoping it’s a Frisch-fry
Only because you and others let him.
KOPT? Why would Deb associate with Kooky Koptic Kristians?
ESPN has the Skins second, RTO. Who knows?
Who is playing shirts?
You win.
Here’s a great idea, ultraloser: Let’s not talk to or about actus, but instead, talk to and about people who do!!
Fun, fun, fun!
Better yet—let’s get completely abtruse and talk about talking about talking about actus, who is talking about people who are talking about him talking.
Fuckit. Where’s the ‘dillo?
RTO – Thats definately a keeper – OoooooRah
TW: eye music.
your mom!
I condemn this comment.
And that one too.
and your little doggie if you have one
I should hope so—she’s pushing 70. Ick!
If only Actus would be going, and going, and going…as far away as possible.
I guess he’ll never notice he has all the substance and influence and affect as a fart in an elevator. Just something everyone else wrinkles their nose at and distastefully gets away from as soon as possible.
And if you don’t, I condemn you for hating animals.
On the chance you haven’t heard this: The pope and Bush are conferring on a boat in the middle of a lake, with the pope wearing what we might think of as a Roman shtrimel(not a mitre, which is strictly for liturgical events). Suddenly, a gust of wind blows the pope’s headgear away, leaving him nonplussed. Bush tells him not to worry. He gets out of the boat, walks across the water, picks up the hat, walks back across the water and presents it to the pope. The next day, the NYTimes headline reads: Bush Can’t Swim.
Speaking of fashioning evening wear out of stuff, which we marginally were… I thought Molly Ringwald’s prom dress in Pretty in Pink was possibly the ugliest dress I’d ever seen at a prom, including the horrible lemon-yellow one I wore junior year, which did so much for my coloring. Yet it was supposed to show not only her Brave Non-Conformity (arguably it was successful on that score) but also her Bright Future in Fashion Design.
And the stream of consciousness flows right along to my brother-in-law, who designed his girlfriend’s prom dress, at a time when he had no business dating a high school student, and yes, it featured pretty much all the characteristics you might expect from a prom dress designed by a twentysomething guy for his hot seventeen-year-old girlfriend.
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