“Here’s how I see it:
Once you’ve entered Roseanne,
Iran is nothing.”
Search
Archive Calendar
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | ||||
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |
| 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | |
Archives
Categories
- A Government That Can Force You to Buy Health Insurance Can Make You Do Anything (3)
- a protein wisdom philosophy primer (3)
- academics (25)
- armadillo (8)
- Friday Fiction 100 Word Challenge (51)
- from the protein wisdom conceptual series (136)
- identity politics (33)
- If Republicans Win the Senate in 2014 (1)
- in which celebraties comment on current events (67)
- language / intentionalism (88)
- legal (6)
- My brief conversations with inanimate objects (130)
- NSA / FISA (46)
- One Term to Serve, the 2012 Revival (6)
- Overheard in a Fallujah bunker (27)
- Poems from 196x, Revised by the Ghost of Richard Brauti (27)
- protein wisdom's DNC coverage (30)
- protein wisdom's RNC coverage (29)
- protein wisdom: the movie Lists (20)
- Provocateurism (16)
- real-time empirical observations (51)
- red pills found behind the sofa cushions (42)
- Scenes from my driveway (61)
- Talking back to 80s music (41)
- The Martha Stewart Chronicles (58)
- The protein wisdom interviews (10)
- The protein wisdom original poems (142)
- Uncategorized (20,046)
- Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, abridged (34)
Recent Comments
- In The Mailbox: 02.28.23 (Afternoon Edition) : The Other McCain on Hey, longtime pw readers…
- In The Mailbox: 12.23.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll truly IS a sad, embittered psychopath
- Danger on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
- Danger on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
- In The Mailbox: 07.18.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
Thanks Jeff
Now I’m stuck with that Image for rest of the nite. I’ll just back to reading HP Lovecraft. It might help.
You just solved the hole thing.
Thanks
the Middle East
That post is the visual equivalent of someone singing “Riders on the Storm”, which then becomes an annoying earworm that refuses to stop rattling around your skull, until you exorcise it with a spirited rendition of “Sugar Sugar” by the Archies.
… which only makes it worse.
TW: Music. If you can really call “Riders on the Storm” music.
Thanks Jeff
How am I supposed t eat dinner tonight with that thought dancing in my head…..
OK, for putting that image in my brain, a sincere, heartfelt and loving “fuck you, man”.
TW: I will never again be able to function sexually.
I suddenly feel ill.
Thanks a lot for that image, Jeff. I’m permanently scarred now.
And of course, you didn’t have any seasonal reference you bassard.
Instead of every third word being COCK, Jeff is just being a DICK.
love…
Tom was a ‘presenter’ at my company’s awards banquet earlier this year. Actually he just stopped in for a few minutes on his way to somewhere else for a sports show taping, but he was a lot of fun in reading the pre-prepared statements and joking with all of us.
One award winner made some comment similar to your post, and his comment was “I’ll get back to you $100 million from now.”
How much money does Iran have again?
A Roseanne-headed Cthulhu, being mounted from behind by Arnold, thrusting to the tune of the Doors music playing ambiently from the sky, as Roseanne shrieks “you are my candy girrrrrlllllll” during the thunder part.
Fuck Kerouac.
Well, after reading that, H.P. Lovecraft might not be enough. Now where did I put that Prussic Acid? I have to drip some into my ear and hope it reaches the part of my brain that holds that image of Tom Arnold and Roseanne Barr ….yeargh!
YEEAAARRGGGHHH!
TW: what in the world…
The hell…
It f*cking worked in preview!
Again…
YEAARRRRGGGHHH!
Fine.
I just give up.
There’s something that I’ve been wanting to ask but have been too afraid due to my fear of embarrasement, but my curiosity has gotten the better of me: What is this “TW” that appears fairly occasionally in the comments?
That’s ok if you don’t answer but I checked wikipedia and they have been so helpful about these things in the past, but not about this.
Turing word. The captcha. Further understanding is left as a meditative exercise.
We don’t share our secrets with Wikipedia—only with the truly enlightened such as yourself.
“TW” stands for “Turing word,” which refers to the anti-spam CAPTCHA word in the image, that you have to type in the box to post a comment. Unless you’re a registered member logged in.
Because registered members of Protein Wisdom, when logged in, are a million times more luminous than the illuminati.
TW: making—as in, I was making most of that up.
*reads haiku*
Will someone napalm the inside of my skull, please?
The really cool/creepy thing about the Turing Word on Protein Wisdom is that they very often are related to the comment just typed.
TW: as if they were placed there by some higher intelligence that just knew what you would type..
Gee, thanks for that mental image, Jeff. Too bad bandwidth donations aren’t refundable.
My subsconscious must have sanitized the haiku on the fly, because I read it as
Ok, that’s fucking funny. I don’t know why, though.
TW: And yet I
laughing.
Ok well that was supposed to be bold not block quote, but I’m drunk, so just be happy I didn’t find a way to screw up your page.
TW: Let’s just put it in the past and forget that happened.
Ai! Ai! Cthulhu F’taghn!!
You guys think you had your brains raped! This reminded me of a magazine cover–maybe Vanity Fair–from about 12 years ago, showing Roseanne in a red and black teddy, prone on her real life husband.
Turing = bed
Isn’t that middle line supposed to be seven syllable, anyway? Or should “entered” be pronounced Shakespearianly, “en-ter-red”?
It’s not pretty, but, yes, I can picture over 80 Americans held hostage there for 444 days.
Just put in accent over the third ‘e’ and it’s perfect.
Gross.
TW: The music is Y. Malmsteen.
The haiku was bad enough. This is enough to understand that whole Oedipus outcome.
Even more, how does one live through such a thing. Is there a name for blunt force trauma to the whole body? Other than “impact”, I mean…
…….”Help me find my car, and we’ll drive out of here.”
Hey, someone had to offer that one up.
In the immortal words of Mr. Arnold: Oh wow, that’s deep.
I figured winter would be implied, as in Hell froze over.
“You’ve” can have two syllables, too. Just for the record.
Especially if you read it slowly.
I am familiar with some areas of my native South where we can make that one into four syllables.
But the question remains: Will Roseanne allow inspectors in to search for IUD? (And, frankly, I don’t trust Mohammed El-Baradei – or anyone at the IAEA – to get it right.)
Thanks alot Jeff.
My day was bad enough without the image of a huge hatchet-gash seered into my memory.
After reading this post, I tried to find solace in music. Thing were looking up until Alice in Chains’ “Down in a Hole.” It got even worse with Scott Stapp’s “the Great Divide.” Come to think of it, “Man in the Box” is probably not a good choice right now either.
F**k it! I’m going to bed before Steve Earle’s “Cooperhead Road” takes on a hole new meaning…
TW: Help; I kid you not!
Is there a name for blunt force trauma to the imagination? That’s really the question here. Damn you, Jeff.
Frankly, I’d rather think about Calista Flockhart and her new upcoming television role as a ‘conservative pundit’–whatever that is. I hear the producers are trying to create a softer, gentler, conservative–one that resembles a progressive, I’ll bet. After all, fascists are human too.
The story line will doubtless follow Calista’s spiritual growth as she changes from a superbly-tailored, cold-hearted overachiever who owns lots of Wal-Mart stock and reads Adam Smith in her spare time, to her emotionally-wrenching emergence as a pro bono civil rights attorney who hangs her shingle in a small town in rural Kentucky, takes on a lesbian lover and sobs gently every time she sees someone walk by wearing a fox coat.
It frightens me to think of how Hollywood will choose to portray a conservative ‘pundit’. I wonder if she’ll have a Bryn Mawr accent.
The idea has definite possibilities….
tw: doubt. I doubt it will last one season.
I meant, “…takes on a whole new meaning.”
…or did I?
TW: More as in, “No more Roseanne references please.”
So you gotta roll her in flour to find the wet spot. But after that? Yeehaw!
Making bad Haiku badder…
your penis falls off
TW: home, as in can I go now?
Smell my elbow!
I used to see a couple of the Roseanne writers once in a while. They were usually walking around with expressions like the steer who’s just realized the guy with the hammer is serious…
I’M BLIND!
(btw, I had to guess at the TW)
Just let me find my car keys and we’ll formulate an exit strategy…
Iran lives onward
As you die in teared regret…
How did Tom hit that?
-H.P. Lovecraft, The Case of Charles Dexter Ward
Keep that in mind when dealing with Thingyes such as Roseanne.
Yr olde and true friend and Servt. in Almonsin-Metraton…
Iran lives onward
As you die in teared regret…
How did Tom hit that?
Atop hills of lard
I imagine I’m weightless
good drugs help too.
There’s so, SO much wrong with this, at so many levels. There are multiple higher dimensions of wrongness, all folded in on themselves. Possibly this is where the missing matter is. Sort of a black hole of wrongness, from which no rightness can be emitted.
Sorry; I read the post before coffee. Never again.
A still April morn
long ago, Tom slapped the fat
and rode the wave in.
Thing is, you don’t have to tie a two-by-four to your ass when you enter Iran.
“Just help me find my keys, and we’ll drive out!”
Spamword, “further.” Nuff said.
No wonder Tom stammers and runs his mouth so much.
The Tom Arnold Doctrine: employ a small army and use special operations, and the sleeping nation may not even realize you’ve crossed her borders. Sy Hersch has written about this.
This administration is fucking clueless. I just heard Condi’s statement after meeting with “Arab leaders” in Ramallah. Among other things, she said, “I know this is a difficult time for the Palestinian people and other innocent people….”
At the end of that part, she did manage to mention “innocent Israelis,” but at best, this more of the same moral equivalence.
Spamword, “size,” as in, “Size matters when you’re talking about Roseanne.”
Has there been a MayBee sighting?
Can anyone prove they copulated? I mean with the kind of sweat that Roseanne can produce and her well-documented hairyness, a flab-fold in summer could easily be mistaken for passion-moistened love canal. Tom was most assuredly drunk throughout the salad-years as well.
Speaking of, does anybody but me remember back when they were first splitting up, and Roseanne offered up some choice disparagement of the, umm, Arnold Endowment? Tom’s response: “Even a 747 looks small when it crashes into the Grand Canyon.”
I’ve liked good ol’ Tom Arnold ever since.
Good point Mike. Come to think of it, I thought Arnold was anorexic when they were married.
Tom Arnold entered;
now potential president –
PW flaying minds.
A haiku for you
Was on my website last night.
The trackback didn’t.
I don’t know if that merits punishment or laurels…
Damn. Right before lunch too….
Hmmm. H.P. Lovecraft and Roseanne. All is much clearer now.
Those aren’t extra chins, they’re Cthulhu’s tentacles.
Major John,
Oddly enough, I don’t know either. Somebody beat me to the roll her in flour joke so I had to go there.
Oh the gift of pain that just keeps giving. All the way through to today Jeff? Just the jiggle factor of that union turns my stomach…
The Administration’s generous nuclear offer to Iran has expired and we should now formally withdraw it. We now see why they stalled. If Iran simply says “OK we accept” then we’re ratifying their right to conduct their ongoing war on Israel while we send them nuclear fuel and technology. No go.
And it is a war, no qualifiers. It’s not “undeclared” when Ahmadinejihad is calling for genocide in Israel. And it’s not “by proxy” when the Revolutionary Turds are shooting missles, fighting, and coming home to Iran in body bags.
It’s on. Deal with it.
TW: tax
War tax @ 50 cents a gallon sounds about right to me. Let’s start building the asymetrical (sp?) weapons we’ll need for the next 50 years.
Oh, crap. Someone had already done the “Help me find my keys” joke. I’ve got to start reading the other comments.
That’d be about 3.5 on the Richter Scale, right?
I really can’t stop saying it. Iranian Revolutionary Turds coming home to Persia in body bags.
You know, I think John Kerry is right. This wouldn’t be happening if he were President.
Sure this is the wrong war, wrong time, blah, blah, blah. I just imagine there’s some comfort going into Lebanon when your last ally, the world’s last superpower, sits a hop, skip, jump away with the most lethal, battle hardened military in the world–whose troops are bored, pissed and a bit jumpy, no? They control all the airspace and oceans in the theatre. Not to mention their Commander is the last man since Reagan with the guts to give a lunatic like Ahmadinejihad a moment’s pause.
No, this would not have happened.
TW:summer It’s the summer of love, because I love it.
I cannot permit this thread to end at 69. It would just be too horrible.
The grudging semi-acknowledgment in the ME of Hezbollah’s error? Sudden enlightenment of the sheiks and dictators? The scales falling from their eyes on the road to Damascus? No.
Just a measure of respect for the world’s last superpower stopping by for a visit smack in the middle of everyF’Nthing.
The “leaders” in the ME only know war and only respect power. Bet your life they respect W and our troops. Oops, I mean fear. Better.
TW:which “because of the sandwhich is there”
OK, now look, it’s shit like this that will send me into therapy for years to come….
Daddy, make the bad man stop!
TW: society, as in what kind of hellish society produces these horrible images?
A “handful of greenies and a six pack of Mikes hard lemonade” ……. pretty much explains that Haiku…ACK!!!
This is some sick shit!
TW: have some self-respect
CraigC—too late; you’ll hear from my attorney.
GREENWALD!
Hovering above
The chasm; How not to fall?
Boards strapped to your butt.
Surely a man of Arnold’s size must have some moist hairy folds in his groin-covering belly-fat apron. Who can prove he didn’t pleasure his own flab-fold?