—Uh, no.
In fact, I’m so up to my elbows in paperwork that I force fed the little armored bastard a Ziploc baggie full of Quaaludes—then, when he fell into a comfortably numb stupor, I used a 3/8” linoleum blade to carve a relief of my signature into one of his little padded feet.
Now, whenever I need to sign something, I just dip his wee whittled tootsie into an earthen bowl filled with salsa and use him like a sedated rubber stamp. Which is convenient and efficient, in that it allows me to enjoy some fine tortilla chips while I work, as well.
Ah yes. Good times!
Vintage Goldstein. Glad to have you back, Jeff…
Quaaludes?
Give me Librium or give me Meth!
tw: foreign – twenty blackbirds. Give him some pie.
Just damn!
Why didn’t you use one of those damn monkey feet from last week…the monkey sure isn’t using them anymore.
Uh oh. And just after the investigation over the marmoset paws.
Whitey: Gee, Beav. I think I hear my mom calling.
Beaver: All right, Whitey. See ya later.
Salsa flavored ink? I hope you don’t write your legal documents on tortillas….that would oblige you to include meat and vegetables for a decent sandwhich in every letter.
TW: But, hey, if no one forces you to, why worry?
By the way…you realize he’ll be able to sign your name to checks and contracts from now on…….
Any chance the little guy’s name is actually “Albert Andreas Armadillo”?
No relation to the Sarsaparillas.
Wait a minute, didn’t he get his feet cut off a while back? And I don’t mean the monkey.
What if he scampers through the salsa and onto promisory notes? Sometimes I worry about you and your florid anti Kinko one day stamps agenda.
I dropped some dough on Amazon in your tip jar. Couldn’t have been easier. Sorry I didn’t do it sooner.
Regards,
Jonathan D.
opps. there are two s’s in promissory. my bad.
Man, where’d you score Quaaludes?
“Quaaludes: turn women into animnals, and men into plants.”
The good old days.
My second attempt to get through. Please don’t put anything else in writing. Contact your attorney ASAP. Shut up shut up
Good to have you back.
The foot stamp would explain why I recieved a bill requesting $1,000,000 dollars or an inflatable “Erotic Ann the Armadillo with vibating tail” for posting surcharges from a “Jef Goldstein.” He must have one hopped the page while “signing” it.
By the way I sent the Nubian model of “Ann” and a cd copy of “John Tesh does Earth, Wind and Fire.”
Uh, Jeff? When you carved that relief, did you check the actual result of your stamp before you started using it? Cuz I sure hope that you didn’t carve a regular relief as it looks from your point of view. Cuz that would lead to a reversed stamp of your signature. Which could cause all sorts of legal shenanigans to break out.
Jeff,
This is probably the wrong place to put a serious comment, but here goes…Thank You! I hope everything works out well for you and your family and you can resume posting regularly without it being a chore and having to deal with this bullstuff. Well Hell, I don’t know what else to say, so Thank You will have to do. I truly hope to be able to read your insights on a daily basis soon. I, and many others will wait. Oh, and thank you for explaining the Turing Word thingie to me in an e-mail: It appears I am not the only one that was confused by that. Best wishes sir.
Sincerely,
George
TW Week: As in, Seemingly, this one sucked
Don’t be too surprised if in a few years you’re called into the principal’s office explaining the large number of notes excusing your son’s unexplained absences bearing your 10” signature.
</blockquote>Oh, and thank you for explaining the Turing Word thingie to me in an e-mail: It appears I am not the only one that was confused by that.<blockquote>
Well, good for you…its two weeks now and I still haven’t a clue. That doesn’t stop me from throwing in the two cents though. And I’m too proud to ask.
Well, good for you…its two weeks now and I still haven’t a clue. That doesn’t stop me from throwing in the two cents though. And I’m too proud to ask.
Proper form
The Turing Word is the captcha word you must type to submit a comment. It is often considered to be akin to the Magic 8-Ball.
tw: day, as in “Oy!”
But someone just explained it to me today! it’s that little word you see at the bottom of your post – that you have to type in? Just use it somehow in your post.
TW: Two
“I’ve done this Turing Word thing two times now!”
I just received a package of four JC Penny plain white tshirts in the mail. And I thought to myself, “what a great idea for PW dancing-armadillo souvenir?”
Heck, I just wanted to see the turing word. But, also, good luck Jeff, and come back soon.
::sigh::
Starjacked, Jeff probably ought to put up a Frequently Asked Questions file or something.
I don’t know what you know and what you don’t, and I’m naturally verbose, so if this plows ground you’ve already cultivated please don’t be offended.
If you don’t register and log in, before you can comment you have to type in the word you see in the block. The block is an image with distracting stuff across it. It’s pretty easy for a human being to read, but nearly impossible for a robot or a program, so it cuts down on comment spam, which is almost all done by computer programs. You probably knew all that.
Alan Turing was one of the early greats in computer science, a true genius. One of the things he came up with is the “Turing Test”. A Turing Test is a way to tell the difference between a human being and a computer. Turing himself imagined a conversation, like a chat, over a Teletype® machine, but the word in the block is also a way to tell the difference between a human and a computer. It is therefore a valid Turing Test, so we call it the “Turing Word” or TW.
Jeff’s blog software has an add-in that generates the Turing Word from a random list. Regular posters noticed that on an astonishing number of occasions the Turing Word is remarkably relevant to the subject under discussion, and began making jokes to the effect that the Turing Word generator is an artificial intelligence that’s toying with us (or making editorial comments of its own.) As an extension of that, it’s regarded as clever to incorporate the TW into a sentence that is relevant to the subject of the post. Forcing the coincidence, so to speak.
Clear enough?
Regards,
Ric
TW: addition. I’ve got nothin’.
jwebb, i’m havin a soprano moment here(high notes kill brain cells) and i’m just not getting it. i know it kills a joke to explain it, but, um, please for me?
Jeff, I need to talk with you and your armadillo about what the hell just happened to my life savings.
Hey Jeff..better get off the dime by the way.
I’ve heard someone is shopping a script called The Dancing Armadillo around Hollywood…and they’ve already lined up Tom Cruise for the title role.
Maggie,
Y’know, that’s something of an insight. I’ve been racking my brain here, searching all the way to the bottom of the tumbler, trying to recall a blonde soprano. No can do.
Perhaps either one is problematic, but the combination is fatal? Discuss.
Regards,
Ric
Crystal now, Ric. Thanks for that extremely verbose and more than appreciated explanation. I’d tip yah’ but I gave all my tip money to Jeff…and the beaver pelts of course.
Ric, it’s a fairly recent discovery (to me). i know a few blonde sopranos and the two things seem to cancel each other out.
tw: Look! there’s one now! (don’t know her personally, but she sang with the dallas symphony chorus a few times, so i saw her at a few after concert parties, neat lady)
Maggie,
Of course I was greatly overstating my sophistication to make a semi-funny
Scanning Ms. Brewer’s site, I realized that there’s a third factor involved. Blonde, soprano, anorexic: two are survivable, but all three together…
Regards,
Ric
ric, you’re always entertaining if not also enlightening.
Ric – Might I suggest an apropos line for your TW might have been:
TW: In addition, its rumored that Turing was gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
BCH,
It’s only worthwhile if the TW is relevant to the subject of the post. If Turing had been a robot, perhaps.
Regards,
Ric
http://austin.about.com/library/graphics/ss-2004-cactusarmadillo.jpg
– Ric – The idea that anything posters care to say on PW follows even a loose OT rule is news to me, much less the TW closer. Too each his own. I prefer to see the humor in things, although given the present series of “events”, not much to laugh about. Dan – over too you.
TW: Something cranky this way comes.
Now, whenever I need to sign something, I just dip his wee whittled tootsie into an earthen bowl filled with salsa and use him like a sedated rubber stamp.
Well. At least the little f**ker’s good for something now. Other than our amusement.
(Sorry. All this frischian dramaturge has put a bit of a mouth on me – my mama didn’t raise me to talk like that!)
oh, i just realized he’ll probably forever use this as an excuse not to dance. “my paw hurts today, i think it’s going to rain.”
“Ah-yup, I kin tell when there’s a Norther comin’ in, get a bit of an itch in mah paw . . .”
TW: Just hope it’s not the paw he types with, Jeff.
Jeff – I’d kinda go easy on eating salsa out of the same bowl the tank rat has had his paws in. Who knows where those non-dancing feet have been.
Gonna make it easy to track him if he runs away in the future. Just follow your signature trail.
An armadillo hanko. Who says there’s nothing new in the world?
I’m not sure there is a large market, but it’s something you won’t see on every streetcorner in Japan. Does he have a few hundred buddies who don’t need their feet?
Dillo’s, Aint’t they them flat animals that sleep on the road here in the south?? We call’m Possum on the half shell. Not bad, if ya get’m fresh, with garlic and lemon pepper. Never seen one dance tho.
Jeff, It will work out. I am sure there are legal means to deal with Ms. Dumbshit. We readers of the wit, are more than glad to help defray the cost of legal talent.
Poor guy. He’ll probably be out for awhile. Even if I hum “She’s a maniac, maniac on the floor…” as loudly as decorum would permit, I’m sure he wouldn’t hear it.
TW: ran out of good words, it looks like.
Aaah good, you’re still here Jeff. Now stay.
Please do something with that ‘dillo. The little snot dug a big hole in my front yard then wandered off. He still looked a little “stupiferous”.
Anything to keep him on full point, eh? So has the operation improved the ballon of his grand jete? I hear it’s his signature move.
Okay, Jeff. Now I’ve been evicted from my house and my ‘79 VW Rabbit has just been repossessed. When I insisted to the tow truck driver that I am Nietsdlog Ffej, he told me to prove it—by dancing.
This is getting serious.
Tom Cruise? Somehow I never pictured the ‘dillo wearing tighty whities.
Preview TW: It appears I have a ways to go to catch up on my ‘dillo lore. (Yeah, yeah, best I could do on short notice.)
Glad to see you’re not completely hors du combat, Jeff!
Post TW: See? I knew I could do better if I kept trying!
Well, Nietsdlog Ffej–if that is your real name–, clearly there would be no confusion unless your name were actually nietsdloG ffeJ.
And that happens to be my name. Dammit.
Yeah, I always envisioned him as more of a SpongeBob Squarepants silk boxer shorts kind of guy. He’s larger than life, if you know what I mean.
It’s true that in the wild ‘dillos are more likely to wear boxers, but the director is taking some artistic licence.
And all this time I thought our ‘dillo was more of the commando sort..
TW: I stand somewhat corrected!
’Course I suppose a ‘dillo goin’ commando would be a bit much for a family movie, especially this ‘dillo.
TW: They probably won’t let him wear the red French thong either.
Mags, I don’t think she’s a real blonde, so that doesn’t count.
I hate to give Crazy Lady the traffic, but you need to see the amazigly stupid post she has up now.
Seriously..I mean seriouly…she is insane.
TW:I took a look
I think this affair is approaching the end game as far as Frisch’s obsessions go.
I don’t visit the place. The blog:
<a href=”http://donthiredeb.blogspot.com” target=”_blank”>
is doing a public service and reposting her stuff. Go there instead and keep her hits down.
on the other hand, I don’t think viewing any posts at her site matters any longer. Not from the sitemeter end anyway. What matters now is to refrain from commenting over there. That’s what she trolls for in comments here and elsewhere, and posts she makes on her site. Sitemeter stats won’t float her boat. She wants to see those comments. If she emails stuff to Jeff and other blog owners she hopes will be acknowledged in open forum on their sites like she did Patterico and Ace, I would expect her to start posting them on her site. She’ll do the same if they don’t respond to them by email too.
Don’t let that psychotic bitch keep you from blogging, Jeff.
I, for one, am sick and tired (and very, very po’d) with the Left getting away with this behavior.
Imagine the uproar if your political ideologies were reversed?
You know, the longer this goes on, the more it seems to me less like an attempt to threaten Jeff into silence and more like some whacked out form of extortion. This all seems to be a bizarre attempt at a payday for her…
Course the fact that she’s insane doesn’t really help her…
I had that thought, Shawn. I’m pretty sure it didn’t start out like that, but at this point the Good Doctor’s professional career is pretty much shot, and in her more lucid moments she may be trying to think of some way to make a buck out of this.
In her less lucid moments I’m pretty convinced she thinks she’s committing suicide by wingnut. (Not the brightest bulb on the Solstice Bush).
From this point forward I’m assuming any comments threatening or suggesting violence toward Frisch come from Frisch herself, or from some crony thinking (s)he’s helping the Good Doctor’s cause.
TW: “bad”. No shit.
Deb has a death-wish hidden in her sourcecode.
The nature of it is such that Jeff may want to delete this comment if it proves troublesome.
DAMN
Mixed up the link with another one.
Here’s the link: http://hamstermotor.motime.com/post/593110/Layers+Upon+Frischy+Layers
Well, at least the armadillo is posting comments now.
It ain’t dancing, but it’s a start.
I Suspect Nietsdlog Ffej Is A Sock Puppet.
OK, I went and gave her the hit and saw the drivel she wrote. I thought it was hillarious that she couldn’t find any lawyers to talk to her in Eugene, but some ambulance chaser said they would be available next week to talk. She then tells Jeff to contact said lawyer as soon as possible. Now, keeping in mind that no retainer has yet been paid, Jeff’s attorney contacting that one doesn’t mean spit. This genious doesn’t even know you have to actually HIRE an attorney before they represent you.
The other thing that would be totally hysterical if it weren’t so damn absurd is that after everything she has writen over the last three weeks on her site, as well as the last 24 hours here and at Ace’s…you know, all the sexual and threatening stuff, she honestly thinks anyone will see her as a victim. While Jeff dropped the discussions here up until Dr. Coocoo-for-Coacoapuffs appeared last night, she has continued it on her site and in the media…or attempt at the media.
Wow…I wish I could be there in any lawyers office that actually decides to take it when they see everything she has said and tells her that she not only doesn’t have a case, but that she is mre boned than a Lassie treat.
Some whackadoos really don’t know when to stop. She taks of Karma yet doesn’t see the whirling, surging sea of bad karma she is living in. You can’t write this kind of fiction.
TW: Someone needs a new refill on their psych meds.
Is that you McGehfjt Efjt?
Depending on the lawyer, they might take all her money in fees before quitting.
TW: They’re only human.
Lordy! Against my better judgment I just took a look at Frisch’s blog. That’s one serious obsession she’s got there and I don’t mean she’s obsessed with dancing ‘dillos (that would be perfectly normal!).
I hate psychobabble, but could all the talk of stalking be anything other than projection? And “revenge is a dish best served cold”, Keee-rist! Speaking of stalking, it seems she’s manufactured an excuse to visit Denver. Heads up, Jeff! You’re definitely doing the right thing to put an end to this NOW!!
And now I feel so unclean.
PARANOID!!!
TW: various—as in, personalities.
– What the hell is up with Mel Gibson? Losing it in Malibu here…
TW: “Passion of the Hollyweird brats”- take three”.
Yes. She wants your hate. She revels in your derision. It’s all she’s got.
Your silence will ruin her.
Shhhh….
(thumbnail pic of werid sockpuppet with suspiciously familiar huge black eyebrows and a holding a banjo here)
Mr. LimewallSock person: ….Well it looks like its still up to me, a person who’s never actually met Mr. Greenwald, and knows him only through his brilliant writing, type person, to set you straight on the articulate and handsome man he really is and did you know he’s written a New York Times bestselling book on executive authority, broken a story on his blog about wiretapping that led to front-page stories on most major newspapers in the country, and Russ Feingold read from my blog during the Censure hearings, and….
(thumbnail of McGeheesock, the famous Scottish inspector, in front of a plaid Scottish background)
Mr. McGeheesock Fejt: …?…Read from YOUR blog?….
Mr.LimewallSock person:…Ohhhh …crap ….HIS….His blog….
Mr. McGeheesock Fejt: …Hey home… you were here the other day….for 2 hour’s doing this whole sctick…. remember?
Mr.LimewallSock person: I am not Mr Greenwald… How dare you insult a perfect stranger. What the hell kind of name is McGeheesock Efjt anyway?…Good day to you Sir!
And all she wants. Positive notice won’t do it any more than sitemeter hits.
If I understand where Jeff is going with this, it’s the end game now. She’s still oblivious to the consequences and thinks the dance is still hers to lead. Or she knows and is actively setting the stage for her own final augering in. Damn shame nobody could run an intervention with her three weeks ago and work with her.
BTW: In a couple of hours it’ll be running into the lonely time out in Eugene. I expect her to start singing her sad song somewhere out in the blogosphere later this evening. Her site or somewhere else. Maybe emails. Something.
I perceive this to be a physical threat. Saying I am a sock puppet is meant to code to the local rightwingnuts to do vile things to my body.
There is no other interpretation of “puppeteering†here, Jeff.
And the name is spelled nietsdloG ffeJ.
She can kill with an axe
She can wound with her thighs
She can ruin your post with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But shes always a wackjob to me
She can threaten your kid
Seems she never will leave you
You can call on the law
But “they’ll never believe you”
And she’ll take the cockslapping, as long as its free
She’s crazy as hell
And she’s always a wackjob to me
Chorus
Oh-she takes care of herself
She’s a Word Warrior now
Unaware of her crime
Oh-and she never gives up
She just comments again
She is out of her mind
And she’ll sue you for all
Of the food that you’re eatin’
Then she’ll carelessly cut herself,
Laugh while she’s bleedin’
But she’ll vomit the bad
And the worst she can be
Blame it all on Jeff Goldstein
She’s always a wackjob to me
Chorus
She is frequently blind
And she’s suddenly plastered
She can type as she pleases
Because we’re all bastards
But she can’t be employed
Though she’s earned her degree
And the best she can do
Is throw Frisch monkey poo
But she’s always a wackjob to me
Deb is unibomber creepy…this on her post today, from the “dear Jeff” part
Note she wrote that this morning after it has been proven she was posting vile stuff on Ace ..no mention of her unilateral agression.
She’s harrassing Jeff by email, claiming to want “peace” but still out to “get” Jeff.
In light of her post yesterday dealt calling Israelis “terrorists”, the above makes sense …
Deb has taken lessons from Hezbollah.
Does anyone remember Mac Diva?
She was also from Oregon. But from Portland. Plus she was black. So it’s not the same person. But she was equally crazy.
Ok Dan… second game goes too you…. next set….
Cooze–
Wanted to work you in, because you rhyme with “news.” Speaking of which, check out Ace’s post on the Seattle Sound. Hoo-wee!
OK Dan..while that was a masterpiece, you have now ruined a perfectly fine song for me. I will now never be able to listen to it without singing along using your lyrics…..
Bravo Dan
Great. So we’ll all be dancing to the rock and roll of Saturday night.
Saturday night…
TW: mother
No comment
Spin that mirror ball and turn up the sound, Hit the dance floor, DJ Dizzy Deb is spinning around:
TW: Yeah, she’s a real <b>space<b> cadet, all right.
Really, and why haven’t they to this day? Abandoned ship? Maybe that’s why she continues. Anyhow, if someone out there did care even if they’d tried and now want distance, they should get in touch with authorities on her behalf. Stopping her should be their first priority.
In a small town out west, down at the local bar, the swinging doors crash open.
All conversation stops as in comes a limping armadillo, who struggles up to the bar.
The ‘keeper looks at the little fellow and says, “Can I help you?”
The armadillo pushes the brim of his hat back and says. “Ayep. I’m a-lookin’ for the man that hurt my paw.”
tw: the last action hero.
N. O’Brain
LOL!!!
If I lived back in those days, I guess I’d be the town’s school marm, and I couldn’t be caught dead in the saloon. Geez, they never let us have any fun (and keep our jobs).
The Little Guy’s been told that El Jefe’s due in later on. He pulls up a stool.
Some kinda bird keeps saying, “Blue agave, blue agave. Hornitos. Brain snatcher. Salt and lime, salt and lime”
Dillo asks the bartender, “What kinda bird is that?”
Bartender says, “Tequila mockingbird.”
*rimshot*
Well, the ‘Dillo doesn’t think that’s funny, and makes to leave. McGehee’s playing poker with a marmoset. He says, “Stand up, Scout. That’s your paw passing.”
Dan, I applaud your brilliant allusion to my favorite novel of all time.
I even named one of my kids after Scout’s brother.
Novel, schmovel. Woo and yay – The McGehee impression is hella-scarey realistic.
Wait ‘til you see Deb’s Boo Radley impression—I hear she eats cats..
Looks like Dr. Demented is trying to bait folks into harassing lawyers who aren’t even representing her.
Isn’t that considered “incitement”?
This crazy broad really does need to be locked up.
tw:
Damned straight
Don`t, and I mean don`t let the screwheads win Jeff(Lazlo, Hunter…the jury`s still out).Peace bro, be well. By the way if you`re really pissed I suggest a large calibre handgun and a T.V. or in this case perhaps a computer moniter.
Monitor…..oops!
TW:know,as in how to spell
Hey Dan, wanna be my sock puppet?
Dan,
I think
She is frequently blind
And she’s suddenly plastered
She can type as she pleases
Because we’re all bastards
works better as:
She can type as she pleases
Because we’re all fat bastards
Just a phrasing thing…
– I’d say speak for yourself Melissa, but I’d rather not get bonked with a sock, shoe still on. Besides, in all too many cases it’s true. Well accept McGeheesock Fejt, the famopus Scottish inspector, and exposer of multi-personality sock people. But then he’s got that fuzzy frog legs thing going on, so there’s that.
Why isn’t Dr. Derangement getting her due?
BECAUSE OF THE PATRIARCHY!!!
What the FUCK?
“De-escalate the situation and also maybe sue you”?
Isn’t that, like, a textbook definition of cyberstalking?
I’m just saying.
Deb, give up, NOW!
Big talk with the “big guns.” I’m all for firearms in general, but in this situation the worst-case scenario is not a 400-pounder on crack, charging through a hail of ineffective 9mms, who needs a magnum or a shotgun to put him down.
What keeps Jeff up at night, the reason he’s taking this as seriously as he is, is the idea of Frisch breaking into his house at night and grabbing the baby, holding a knife to its throat, or some such horror.
If Jeff is ever in this situation, he will need to be able to hit her without doing any sort of collateral damage.
As such, Jeff needs:
1) A weapon he can hit with
2) A weapon firing ammo cheap enough to fire a lot, for practice, to serve 1)
What he needs is a Ruger .22, Colt Woodsman, etc., preferably with a laser sight for pinpoint accuracy. A 9mm would be fine but he might actually want to fire off a *lot* of rounds and it can get expensive. She’s a little nothing physically as well as in every other way, a .22 would suffice.
The only objection to a .22 is
3) A weapon which is absolutely reliable
and rimfires misfire more often than centerfires. For the same reason, a revolver makes sense, perhaps a .38, again with laser sight (IMHO). A .357 is unnecessary; again, a .38 wadcutter would make even a drunken Frisch lose all interest in child molestation.
And .38 Special ammo is cheap enough to fire off a goodly number of rounds in practice.
If collateral damage is no concern, i.e. Frisch will never get within ten feet of Satchel, then a shotgun is easier to hit with and is quite effective.
Just my $0.02, and sorry as hell to even have to bring it up. Never mind egging her on with phallic references, big schlongs don’t impress her.
TW: I only mention this as among friends.