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variations on a theme: The “an ordinary clock glimpsed in its moment of brief psychotropic awakening” post (from the protein wisdom conceptual series)

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“You ever looked closely at the inside of a Milky Way bar?  Because there’s like, an entire universe of stuff happening inside that nougat, man…”

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46 Replies to “variations on a theme: The “an ordinary clock glimpsed in its moment of brief psychotropic awakening” post (from the protein wisdom conceptual series)”

  1. McGehee says:

    “You ever looked closely at the inside of a Milky Way bar, man?  Because there’s like, an entire universe of stuff happening inside that nougat, man…”

    Okay, you’re all witnesses. I am now swearing off Milky Way bars.

    Bad enough I have to know there’s a universe of stuff happening in my septic tank.

  2. alppuccino says:

    Legend has it that nougat is actually part of God’s pancreas.  It’s mined somewhere in the Euphrates valley.

  3. ahem says:

    Melt one in a double boiler and pour it over a scoop of vanilla ice cream. (Non-alcoholic for Satch, a drop of rum in it for you and your wife.)

    tw: appear. The calories in your rearview mirror are closer than they appear.

  4. English Only says:

    Wow.  This never gets old.  Ever.  How many variations are there I wonder?  I bet you’re going to relate each and every single one of them, aren’t you.

  5. McGehee says:

    I bet you’re going to relate each and every single one of them, aren’t you.

    Only until your ears bleed.

  6. The Kakistocrat says:

    What are you, high?

  7. JD says:

    Mmmmmmm…..Nougat….

  8. JohnAnnArbor says:

    What’s in the nougat, anyway?

  9. Jeff Goldstein says:

    I now know that, thanks to this post.  It’s whipped egg whites and syrup.  In the Milky Way, it’s malt flavored. In another special Milky Way (dark chocolate), it’s vanilla.

    Of course, now that it’s been demystified, I have a hard time joking about it.

    In other words, I SCREWED MYSELF.

  10. alppuccino says:

    So you’re saying it didn’t fall from heaven in the desert?

  11. ahem says:

    English Only:

    Hey, if you don’t like it, you can always leave….

  12. Jeff Goldstein says:

    I put up posts like this to amuse myself.  That people like English Only come across as jerks who believe my blog exists to service them—just as the world exists to feel their pain—is just a big performative cherry on top.

  13. McGehee says:

    But the burning question is, are his ears bleeding yet?

  14. wishbone says:

    That’s it.

    We ZERO Bar lovers are tired of your neglect, Goldstein.

    I guess that should have been “tired of your clock’s neglect.”

    NEGLECT SURROGATE USER!!!!

  15. There_was_one? says:

    This time sh*t has me all f**ked up.

  16. Sticky B says:

    Is a Snickers the same as a Milky Way except with peanuts added? Enqiring minds want to know?

    TW: Thank You Sir May I Have Another

  17. Mark says:

    In other words, I SCREWED MYSELF.

    Well then Jeff, if you’re lonely, there’s always the Three Musketeer’s Bar as a backup grin

  18. Meg Q says:

    Did the clock get some of Vercingetorix’s stash?

  19. There_was_one? says:

    So like when you freeze a 3 Musketeers bar does time like stop????

  20. CraigC says:

    I wonder what the Three Little Mice think about this.

  21. There_was_one? says:

    Howard J. Turkster: 

    I joined the army ‘cause my father and brother were in the army. I though I’d better join before I got drafted.

    Sgt. Hulka: 

    Son, uh, there ain’t no draft no more.

    Howard J. Turkster: 

    There was one?

    TW: past I live in the past.

    TW2: anyone Is there anyone as pathetic as me?

  22. Muslihoon says:

    I put up posts like this to amuse myself.

    Amuses us too. After a day of reading about Murtha, Okinawa, Somalia, two martyred soldiers, Tabilighi Jamaat, a dog being sent away, and other sundry unpleasant stuff, it’s always nice to read about a clock’s commentary on Milky Way bars.

  23. Master Tang says:

    Wishbone – a big amen on the Zero Bar!  The unappreciated gem of the candy kingdom!

  24. Attila Girl says:

    So, Jeff–if you screwed yourself, did you get video?

    (Oh, come on: like all the other dirty old ladies around here weren’t wondering.)

  25. forest hunter says:

    Are we/is a, ah fuck it never mind.

  26. forest hunter says:

    What kind of a word is nougat?

  27. forest hunter says:

    So now you all know how Murtha’s revenge works.  A bit different than Montezuma but a couple candy bars wedged into the right location and sweet spot’s got a brand new daddy singing yodels in Japanezeeeee!

  28. Major John says:

    I think I will stick with Kit Kats. Just to be safe…

  29. MarkD says:

    wishbone,

    You don’t know the meaning of neglect.  Neglect is a no-show armadillo. 

    Week after week of mind-numbing drudgery.  The only thing that motivates me to keep going is the love of my wife and children, and the thought of some fleeting amusement.  I mean, watching an armadillo dance.  Is it too much to ask for?  Just a few minutes?

    I didn’t even ask for pie with it.  Instead, I get a Milky Way bar.  Which beats Snickers from the peanut gallery, I guess.

  30. Master Tang says:

    No, Major John – embrace the Zero Bar.  Pure goodness – a moment of satori in every bite.

  31. tonecluster says:

    I’ve just figured it out. 

    You’re the reincarnation of Ernie Kovacs but with a much larger vocabulary.

    (I don’t know exactly why, but the ‘ordinary clock’ series here just cracks me up every time)

  32. gail says:

    What kind of a word is nougat?

    A nougatory one.

  33. Gail – Ouch…. thats one tick short of a clocker-boom…..

    TW: Ok, its that time….Her little hand is on my special purpose….

  34. McGehee says:

    What kind of a word is nougat?

    Okay, no noodling on “nougat” in this thread. There are children present.

  35. alppuccino says:

    Sugar is my heroine.  And I’ve been clean for six weeks now. 

    And I don’t need all you heads – high on fructose – flaunting your nougats and caramels right out in the open.

    Can you think of others once?

  36. CraigC says:

    Wow, sugar is your heroine? I guess that would make an Italian cold-cut your hero.

  37. alppuccino says:

    Make fun if you must, but over 35000 people gained weight last year from second-hand sweets.

    it’s an epidemic.

  38. alppuccino says:

    Are you going to lick that wrapper?

  39. Hmmmmm…. A Murtha in the sheep flock… here…. curiouser and curiouser….

  40. cardeblu says:

    “You ever looked closely at the inside of a Milky Way bar?  Because there’s like, an entire universe of stuff happening inside that nougat, man…”

    Not meaning to nit-pick or lessen your scope in any way, but shouldn’t that really be “an entire galaxy of stuff”?

    tw:  mmmmm….good

  41. Blind Howlin' Moonbat says:

    What kind of a word is nougat?

    A very good question, as it turns out:

    A confection made from a sugar or honey paste into which nuts are mixed.

    nuts or fruit pieces in a sugar paste

    nudge, nudge, wink, wink….

  42. – Hey….. was that some sort of sneaky Paste-eating chicken joke….

  43. Muslihoon says:

    Say no more, say no more, know whatamean?

  44. McGehee says:

    Make fun if you must, but over 35000 people gained weight last year from second-hand sweets.

    They can have my candy when they pry it from my cold, semi-paralyzed, almost numb fingers.

    Oops.

    BECAUSE OF THE NEUROPATHY!

  45. alppuccino says:

    Wow, sugar is your heroine? I guess that would make an Italian cold-cut your hero.

    C’mon Craig,

    If heroin was my heroin, I’d probably know how to spell heroin.

    Doyeeeee.

Comments are closed.