So I was thinking: were I actually covering this Yearly Kos dealie, my guess is that right about now I’d be trying to saw my own head off with a shoehorn sharpened on the stone facing of some casino front made to look like an ancient pyramid mysteriously stuffed with elderly gamers from Phoenix and vaseline-toothed showgirls with fake swan feathers covering their pudenda.
But because I’m not, I’m not—the only downside to which is that the spoiled melon I chucked at Barbara Boxer’s podium to knock it off its base just as she started yammering about saving marriage from the fundies wasn’t really a melon at all. Instead, it was a full plastic bottle of Diet Green Tea—which, rather than causing the Kos security detail to hurriedly usher Senator Boxer off the stage and into a bulletproof minivan, the damn thing knocked over the picture of my dog we keep on top of the TV, dinging one corner of the Martha Stewart Signature Collection wood and wicker frame. And those signature collection frames ain’t cheap.
Stupid metablogging.
Didn’t you get comp’ed on that for publishing her prison diaries?
Thanks – I shan’t ever want to go to Vegas again, for fear of seeing that.
“Workshops”, eh? In what? Mailing bags of dog crap to Republicans? Shooting up campaign offices? Kicking over little wooden crosses?
Drying out cigars?
The Kos Superglue Workshop—have thrown White House table lamps back together in a jiffy.
The Kos Filing Workshop—keep those pilfered FBI papers off the coffee table and in the vault where they belong.
The Kos Refrigerator Workshop—using frozen flounder to stash your cash.
The PC Workshop: prying keyboard off “w’s” in under a second. The Bible Workshop: When to haul around a ten-pounder and when not to.
The mind absolutely reels.
Are these fools seri– Oh. The Mentos Left. Never mind.
Actually, they’re at the Riviera, up the street.
Still, I prefer the Luxor. There’s many sharp objects in there that can be used to saw your own head off.
And, plenty of paste to stick it back on.
Isn’t Kos currently 0 for 20 in his campaign endorsements?
.. and if the Democrats don’t accede to the People Power movement [ed: yes he actually said ‘people power’], they’ll be relegated to the dustbin of history!
Our virtue is evinced by our failure!
Forward to the 70’s!
– 6Gun
Wait, I thought the Kos Filing system workshop was on “Pants. You can put keep things in them or take them out!” with special guests Sandy Berger and former President Bill Clinton.
Oh, and since you aren’t covering Yearly Kos dealie, does this mean we stand a chance of you getting our little armored buddy up on the bar top bust’n moves?
After all, he’s got a lot to dance about this week. I for one would like to see the little guy perform a tasteful interpretive number about an F-16, a couple of 500 pound bombs, and the final moments of one Abu Musab al-Zarqawi set to Metallica’s “For Whom the Tolls”.
Darn you, Mau Mau! If my Brigade didn’t already have a motto (“Sine Qua Non” – I voted for “You’ll get nothing, and like it!) I would have urged them to adopt that one…
“OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!
IJUSTBUMPEDINTOKOSANDHEFARTEDBUTITSMELLEDLIKEROSESANDTHEN
HEASKEDIFIWOULDBUYHIMADRINKWHICHOFCOURSEIWOULDANDTHENHE
SAIDPEOPLEPOWER!!!ANDIFAINTED!!!
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!IWOKEUPINADUMPSTERWITHOUTMYPURSE
ORANYMONEYORMYROOMKEYANDMYPANTIESMISSINGANDONESHOEBROKEN
BUTTHATDOESN’TMATTERBECAUSEISMELLEDKOSSESFART!@!!!
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!”
After the frame went down, did the dillo dance?
Jeez, Tman, I read through that whole thing just to find out if you were, in fact, suggesting Kos took advantage of that unconscious young woman.
Because that would be outrageous.
A woman…as if!
Attending the YearlyKos – when pounding roofing nails into your nuts just isn’t ehough.
Attending Yearly Kos is like applying 10 year old preparation-H with a sandy finger. You just don’t do it….
Is that the Home Vasectomy Kit they sell on late night TV?
I think the ads run during late night reruns of the Discovery Channel’s Trauma Center… they are also subliminally projected behind Howard Dean whenever he gives a televised speech. (Karl Rove again)
I’m really sorry to hear about that signature frame. I had one with little dog bones etched into it’s faux-pewter finish. Sold it at a garage sale after the dog died, though.
A little something for the meta-attendance experience: Special Guest and former Kerry campaigner Osama bin Laden reminded Kos-ites of his 2004 warning that baaaaaddd things would happen if the U.S. re-elected George W. Bush.
tw: early
to dead for Zzzz
Jeff,
Are we metablogging the betabloggers’ bash? I know it’s entirely too literal–but in a perverse kinda way.
Rhetorical question.
tw: green
It’s not easy being
Well, I just figured out what Zarqawi’s last words were: “Dammit, I’m gonna miss the Kos convention in Vegas!”
I think McGehee has a winner. I’d buy that T shirt.
Personally I’d rather pimp slap McGehee for being wittier than me – but that happens to be a personal flaw of mine.
Thinking of YearlyKos, I’m reminded of the bit in The Glass Teat where Harlan Ellison talks about seeing Richard Nixon and Spiro Agnew mounting a speakers’ platform together. According to him, he began pleading for some Deity to give him a helicopter armed with machine guns.
Sadly, the “nuke ‘em from orbit” option is foreclosed by all the innnocent bystanders in the area.
Regards,
Ric
Oh…..My…..God…..when that half rotten musk melon hit the Box Woman’s “pulpit” and exploded, the tuna fish essence was overwhelming.
I might have imagined that, but if so……why did my cat just puke, gag three times and die?
If someone’s willing to infiltrate KosFest to slip this video into their media – I’ll chip-in for plane fare.
http://www.patdollard.com/Video/test4.mov
http://www.patdollard.com/
Major J: I wouldn’t wish the 70’s on my worst enemy
What brigade are you in?
Mr Goldstein, your devout readers are shocked, shocked, and bitterly disappointed (to say no more), that you have anything that is part of the Martha Stewart Signature Collection in your house—or even allow anyone in your neighborhood to possess such vile things.
We have some Martha Stewart knives. They suck.
Occasionally, I use them for cutting open cardboard boxes, but the Wusthofs come out for any food prep.