Billy Joel: “A bottle of red, a bottle of white. Whatever kind of mood you’re in tonight –”
Former supermodel Christie Brinkley: “– You know, Chuck Norris never touches the stuff—except for maybe a six-pack of Lonestar beer a week. Which is perhaps why he still doesn’t look a day over 40 and can kick some serious ass, while you…well, you keep running into trees with your car.
“Not that I’m passing judgment, mind you…”
My Goodness, can she be ever so hard on the poor guy.
Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you
Oh wait, I married a 20 something nugget. You forget that shit already? Nevermind. You can piss off now, harridan.
I’m gonna go rewind Barney and then grease up a watermelon.
Billy:
Kinda says it all, eh?
Dear Christie,
Contrary to what you were taught in math class, 57 goes into 25 much more often than it goes into 52. Even without the little blue pills.
Sincerely,
Billy
Man…
Clock that broad with a bottle of red, Billy.
Its so true. He does kick serious ass.
Billy Joel was on American Chopper. He busted those guys nut with changes and being picky over things. While it was funny to watch Paul Sr get bent, I can see why she wouldn’t miss him.
I saw that episode too and all I could think was, just what did Billy learn from Sir Elton John while they were touring together?
Chuck Norris can defeat al-Qaeda *and* Hamas *and* al-Aqsa *and* aging former IRA & Baader-Meinhof “superstars” while simultaneously quaffing Lonestar with no more than MacGyver with a spoon and a spool of thread to watch his back.
Now that’s kick-ass strength(tw)…
So? Regis can do all that, AND keep his luxuriant white hair perfectly straight.
Plus, Regis spends time with the babes, while Norris has to stand next to Snare-Drum Christie and pimp the “Total Gym”.
Billy needs to learn the Zen of Regis.
I’m moving out.
Hmmmm.
1. Christie is still hot and yes I’d do her.
Just in case, you know, anybody had that as a question.
2. Jack Bauer could kick Chuck’s ass, grab a cup of joe at Dunkin Doughnuts, ‘cause Bauer don’t drink lattes, and still save the world.
3. Have they come out with Jack Bauer underwear yet? I know a lot of people that would buy that crap and I’m starting to shop for birthdays and whatnot.
Hey. It saves on trying to be original. Shopping is easy, originality is really fucking difficult.
Chuck Norris. Jack Bauer. Most effective counter-terrorism force in history?
As long as Regis is the one sending them out on their missions, sure.
Well, DUH.
Christie, honey, Chuck doesn’t look a day over 40? Right, and Tom Cruise is a flaming heterosexual. A bottle of red, a bottle of white, indeed.
You’re assuming she means years.
Me, I’m thinking she meant miles per hour.
And you thought those fight sequences were being played back in slow-motion.
Comfort problems. It seems the stuff just won’t bend, doesn’t give an inch.